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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,177
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,177 |
The title makes me think of the Cyndi Luper classic but that's ok. She doesn't have a copyright on the hook.
Your chorus is perfect. It couldn't be any better IMO.
Your verses though could be.
I see a few redundancies like the tears in verse 1, and then you mention it again in the next set of lines. Need to only mention it once.
There are words here that I'd stray from using because I find they are overused but they work for this and you'd have to find a whole new rhyme scheme to rewrite it.
I can feel the singers pain so this was a good write overall, Mike.
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