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néomí
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,419 Likes: 4
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,419 Likes: 4 |
I love what you have going here, Lane. Great last stanza (particularly the "My god, what are you looking at" line, which to me really captures how we somehow can never quite believe the beauty and good others see within us.) I think you can do away with the first line--the poem itself conveys that implicitly. I might consider deleting some lines--for example, "the clarity" and "so distinct" in the first stanza--only because I don't think it adds much and distracts from the poetic effect. Really, really, nicely done.
Regards,
Deej
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