It looks like a 'recitation' style, spoken word in parts. The 'narrator' strings together the memories and images and it seems to work.

In poetry, a title like "Old Man Brooks" works well enough. In Song, it is more likely that the last Line of the Chorus, "Memories Like That" would be more appropriate. It's the Line left ringing in their ears as the Chorus ends, the Line that is emphasized in the Coda, a third Repeat.

Repeating THE Hook, the title, a minimum of three times is common.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com