#1 Complaint of industry people listening to a composition they have given permission to submit for their consideration, artist management, publishers, is:
Vocal Buried In The Mix.
Words have 'Hook Factor' in Hooking listener interest. But they have to be 'heard' and 'comprehended'. The word meanings have to be conveyed from vocalist to listener ears. Words are 'sent'. To qualify as a 'communication' they have to be 'received'.

The production is interesting. The Vocal Melody is too. But I don't know what the words are. If I'm the only one who can't 'hear' it, probably no problem. If no one can understand the words they have no Hook Factor. Another singer might enunciate them more clearly. It might be a 'good' Song with plenty of Hook Factor in the Lyric.

At 4:55 it is probably too long for terrestrial radio, which still pays Songwriter Royalties and Publishing Royalties through Performance Rights Organization licensing.
They like short Songs, leaving more time to play commercial advertising that pays the bills.

When a human voice is singing THAT is the 'featured' component of the composition. Other instruments should not 'step on' the vocal delivery, obscuring it.
Get the vocal up in the mix. Enunciate clearly so they 'get it' the first time they hear it. I think the Melody will embed in their brains easily, and more easily if they 'get' the word meanings.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com