Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
I think your first verse is really, really, good.

It sounds like a song you'd hear on pop radio.

I think the following verses are weaker in comparison. And in my view your making it about everybody else. What they see, when the song us how you feel.

If it were mine, I'd build it around the first Verse. Go into detail about how your dufferent now, its kinda vague.

And I think your repeating same kinda stuff as it goes on just to legthen it.

Each verse should introduce something new.

I have a similar song called..In search of the me.

Good start..

Thanks, Dom. I get what you're saying. Normally I'd agree about keeping things more internal. In this case, though, the song is based on a real person suffering from depression, and the interactions of this person with his family and friends are a big part of the story. The lyrics match what he actually experienced. So I think I'll leave this one as it is, but I appreciate you listening and taking the time to comment and I'm glad the first verse connected with you.