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ILLIT
by Gary E. Andrews - 10/13/26 11:28 AM
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Love Bomb
by Michael W. Brown - 10/10/26 08:09 PM
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278 |
First NEW crit!  Good idea. Not really opening up anything new, but could do well with proper music. One thing I'd question is the usage of this: "A virgin gave birth to Jesus so it’s told" Think you could come up with another rhyme for ago. As it is, it casts a bit of doubt on the veracity of the statement, kinda like, "Well, I dunno know, but that's what I heard". A virgin birth produced (brought forth) the child who would be Lord. You may not like the rhyme of lord with old.... Ben
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