Barry,

This is pretty clever. I like the structure of this. It's kind of like an E.E. Cummings poem, with a very visual presentation that makes you hear the music in your head. My only suggestion is to swap out a few words in the first two verses. You've used great three times and good once. Perhaps you had purposefully intended to use the repetition, but I would think if you were doing this, you would have carried that over to the next verse. Here's my .05 cents. I devalued my currency to reflect the current market value.

great luck
found you
you liked
me too

first date
grand time
prime rib
fine wine

no sleep
pure fun (double meaning here is it pure fun or unpure fun?)
I've got
someone

Of course, what do I know? Keep or sweep, as they say.

anyone lived in a pretty how town
with up so floating many bells down

https://open.spotify.com/artist/2YHxGUvESQz2KVWX7tGfLo?si=j7Uu4cSLRLmwhBBn75e68g

https://open.spotify.com/artist/5wYxBeX6HkRciSVwmn9bdr?si=UmPlCB5gS0SHRie8_wXo5A