thanks about your idea about the chronology John. I hadn't even thought of that.. I wrote a new 2nd verse and now I think the order of the story is much better, thanks.

new version: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=100639&songID=8093061

http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau