Rick, I trhink you have a good start with this. I don’t see any glaring errors. The first two lines of verse 1 and 2 say about the same thing: consider adding some additional info: the cold empty bed, the smell of his after shave on his pillow fading, her tears that no one sees. Something like that.

These are good, original lines:
Now, loneliness is my closest friend,
somewhere stuck between regret and gin.

Good luck,
Laura G.