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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
The bad times go slow
The good times go fast
This is a good time
I want it to last
Don't want it to end
Taste every drop
Taste every kiss
Don't want it to stop
Stretch It Out
Make it longer
Shore it up
Make it stronger
Stretch It Out
Like forever
Endless love
We're together
With you lying here
All things are possible
Nothing's out of reach
Nothing I can't do
With you in my life
There's reason to live
Purpose and direction
That's what you give
Stretch It Out
Make it longer
Shore it up
Make it stronger
Stretch It Out
Like forever
Endless love
We're together
How long is a string?
How long is a ring?
Stretch It Out
Make it longer
Shore it up
Make it stronger
Stretch It Out
Like forever
Endless love
We're together
jimcolyer.com
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hi Jim, I like this one. Very tightly written, and cleverly worded. An enjoyable read! Only thing I might nit pick about is the bridge. It does work fine for all practical purpose, but I think it could have been a bit stronger. Just my 1 cent!  David
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 570
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 570 |
Wonderfully sentimental, Jim.
I love the way you captured and expressed that emotion is so few simple phrases and shapes.
Sincerely hope the music is found to do this one justice.
Pam
Never think can't do - think how to
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 498 Likes: 1
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 498 Likes: 1 |
Jim,
Very nice! You really are quite the prolific writer.
My only criticism would be the break in your rhyme scheme in verse 2.
I also agree with David about possibly lengthening the bridge.
Maybe a slightly longer list of rhetorical questions. Like : How long is a string, does anything last forever, how long is a ring, ...,
Is it just me, or have you been writing more ballads than usual lately?
This is a very nice one indeed.
Thanks for sharing.
Paul
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,380 Likes: 8
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,380 Likes: 8 |
A good write Jim, I liked the bridge it said a lot in two brief lines.
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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