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No finished demo by any means but it gets the idea across


https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/38836658/AMBER001.WAV


Guardian Angels
© 2016 John Voorpostel


He looked deep into her amber eyes
Asking “please remember me”
She wrapped herself around him
Said ”I’ll wait for you right here”
As she made her promise
She prayed up to heaven’s throne
And asked the guardian angels
To bring her young man home


Every legendary hero
Leaves a story to the world
About their blood and sacrifice
That sanctified the earth
With reverence every young boy
Dreams that he will be remembered
And walk among the titans
Who have carved their lives in stone


He heard thunder in the distance
The sound of heavy guns
He knew both sides were praying
To the Father and the Son
And as the shells were falling
Tearing up the battlefield
He learned conflict was far easier
To enter into than to leave


As the smoke cleared he lay dying
With a question and a thought
How long would she be kneeling
At the altar of his heart
His final moments left him
And moved into her soul
As all the guardian angels
Brought her young man home

Hi John,

Well written lyric and rather unique in it's presentation. I like V2 and how we learn about the young man via the narrator talking in general about war heroes and and how young boys dream of becoming one, and I understand the young man in the song must have these dreams as well.

The rhyme scheme is rather curious. V1 rhymes lines 6 & 8, but V2 does not rhyme it's last line (unless one compares to line 8 of V1), nor does the bridge rhyme its bottom line. I was desperately trying to make the word "yield" work at the very end of the bridge, to no avail.

Something about the writing in the bridge bothers me a little..like..it's told too matter-of-factly or something. Would the boy, in that situation be 'learning' what the narrator says, or feeling some much more intense things? On the other hand, I 'get' that the narrator is using understatement and referring to things that happened indirectly as in V2, so in that sense the narration is very consistent.

The song delivers fairly well on all accounts, imo, it leaves much of the details for us to fill in, but hits the important things, and is a rather sad story, considering that it seems he was overwhelmed in that battle and had no chance..but these are details I'm filling in myself..and I'm happy to do that, cuz the song needs to be a tad allusive, considering the subject matter..

Really good work here, John.

Mike

Hi John,

Good to hear ya !
I enjoyed this part best.....

As the smoke cleared he lay dying
With a question and a thought
How long would she be kneeling
At the altar of his heart


Calvin


Shakespeare's Skull Could Be Stolen..... http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Great analysis Mike...thanks.

maybe I have to look at that last couplet in the B section. It was meant to say that he did not want to be there, and I tried to be clever in the way I expressed it... easier to get into than to leave...

Perhaps the cleverness gets in the way of the emotional content? have heard from my circle here that they really like that line, but your point is well taken.

Will monitor the reactions more....


WRT to the rhymes...was trying to work my way into the bridge, so the "stone" did not need to rhyme as I move up the the iV to start the bridge...or so I thought

And "leave" and "field" do try to rhyme to my ear....

Do appreciate you looking into this so deeply Mike...anything that makes me think and rethink this...because I do think it is a special song.

Hi John.
I like most of it.

At first I was reading the lyrics to the tune of Seven Spanish Angels but when the music started it reminded me of Dylan.

The third verse or bridge rhyme bothered me a little too.
If I may make a suggestion:

With reverence every young boy
Dreams his brave deeds linger on
And he'll walk among the titans
Who have carved their lives in stone.

Use or lose.
Vic

I enjoyed the listen, John. You've put a lot of thought into this..that comes across.. fj

Hi John:

I attempted to listen and received an intervening box from Microsoft which required action on my part to continue. As a person who mistrusts both Microsoft and Apple (as well as Google and others) I elected to be content to read your words and enjoyed them. At least I can imagine how you put them to music and, as others have said, you put a great deal of thought into this. Thanks for sharing. Good reading anyway. ----Dave

My kind of production, straight and to the point, guitars sound good (of course a shaker, tambourine or handclaps would have rounded it out a bit). Nice vocals, too.

Sad tune, but that is what war is all about. Too bad we find it too easy to go to war and don't wait for the times when it is necessary for survival (I guess that "tipping point" is always hard to see in advance, though).

Thanks for listening Cal...and for pointing out what you like best

Hi Vic... Seven Spanish Angels was definitely one of the inspirations behind this. It was featured on The Voice here a few weeks back and I had never heard it. I liked the story and the idea of the Seven Spanish Angels bringing the outlaws back to Texas from Mexico. Thanks too for looking it over and offering up the suggestion.

Hi Floyd. Thanks for listening in as well. I definitely like knowing you dropped in.

Hi Kevin. Glad you came by as well and thank you for your comments. And yeah, that tipping point reflects the "easier to get into than to leave" line which I am kinda fond of myself for what it says.

Yes, that's impression we got also and like Calvin the below is our favorite:

"As the smoke cleared he lay dying
With a question and a thought
How long would she be kneeling
At the altar of his heart"

Those are some power lines, indeed.

Enjoyed it...look forward to hearing where you take it.

J&B

Thank you for listening and leaving your thoughts Janice and Bud. Seems to have hit a sweet spot. Glad that set of lines struck you because that means I maintain interest in this one to the end

Hi John,

There's a lot of beautiful lyrics here. I like the concept here. I think what would really empower this song, would be an expert guitarist using acoustic finger picking with this song. You might add a few strums in places, but I just think the constant strumming with the basic lead picking all together feels too separated or independent--JMO.

You have a great foundation for a very poignant song, nice write John, a very sad but "tender" song.

steady-eddie.

Agreed Eddie. A far better arrangement can definitely elevate this one. Was at a friend's place this weekend. She played it on piano and that worked very well too.

What is really cool is that most everyone likes it.

I knew this was going to be a tearjerker. Any time guardian angels are involved in bringing someone home, it doesn't end well.

"He learned conflict was far easier
To enter into than to leave"

For me, these lines tell the real story about war. Too bad we can't figure it out before we start it, rather than after.

At one time, I would have suggested a better rhyme scheme. Now I think telling a compelling story is more important. Bonus points if you do both. But, as well written as it is overall, the ending is predictable. I had hoped he would make it back home, maybe a little broken but wiser, and not beaten. He could still be a hero, a wounded warrior of sorts, just not a dead one. Just a thought.

Ricki

Hey Ricki

Thanks for your thoughts and endorsing the importance of those lines about conflict. They were important to the ending of that section before going back to the dying young man and his eventual spirit carried back home by the guardian angels to the soul of his girl.


Had he made it back home, the Guardian Angels would have fulfilled a different role and there would be a little broken but wiser, and not beaten hero, a wounded warrior of sorts, just not a dead one, to write about.