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Hi Folks,

Got a new song for you. Hope you enjoy it!

https://soundcloud.com/apricothill/it-wont-be-very-long

It Won't Be Very Long

Playing in a crowded bar
Strumming on this old guitar
Singing a familiar tune
That's how I would imagine you

But I was only two weeks old
When heaven came and took your soul
Mama gave me your guitar
I'd play it when I'd visit her

And she'd say, "Sometimes when it rains
I feel that old familiar pain
And sometimes when it snows
I feel the world is so damn cold
But when you play his old guitar
I know that heaven's not that far, oh no
And when you sing your daddy's song
I know it won't be very long"

Your life was not an easy one
Traveling from town to town
Playing on this old guitar
And dreaming you'd become a star

She said that when I came along
You promised you would settle down
And become a family man
But heaven had another plan

And she'd say, "Sometimes when it rains
I feel that old familiar pain
And sometimes when it snows
I feel the world is so damn cold
But when you play his old guitar
I know that heaven's not that far, oh no
And when you sing your daddy's song
I know it won't be very long"

"I know it won't be very long
And that I'll soon be joining him
No it won't be very long
Till I hear his voice again
How I long to be with him
And if heaven will let me in
I know it won't be very long"

The night before your life would end
You took some paper and a pen
And wrote a simple love song
To your wife and newborn son

The snow and rain was pouring down
They found you at the edge of town
Among the wreck this old guitar, and your song
On the dashboard of that battered car

Now mama did the best she could
She loved me as no other would
But how could she forget the pain
That night of snow and driving rain

And she'd say, "Sometimes when it rains
I feel that old familiar pain
And sometimes when it snows
I feel the world is so damn cold
But when you play his old guitar
I know that heaven's not that far, oh no
And when you sing your daddy's song
I know it won't be very long"

Poignant and wistful tune with a solid hook.

I thought it sounded really good. The vocal was compelling, and the lyrics work well.

I would have liked a 'bigger' sounding acoustic guitar (not that much louder just bigger if that makes sense) but I AM a guitarist so take that with a grain of salt. :-p

Good song and performance. The production is good as well.

Peace,
TC

I hesitate to call you "ANT"... but if that's what you want... ANT it is:

Always a "sucker for a sad song"... this one worked it's magic for me. The honesty of your vocal and the simple, clean backing you chose were more than enough to "sell the song." (All of us would arrange the song and backing in our own way... we would not be humans if otherwise... LOL!) From the credits on Soundcloud, it appears you are part of a band or group... and so, I naturally wonder... or is it simply a better way to market your music?

I believe you have the "right stuff" to make it in an already overcrowded world of music. Stay with it, my friend. We're all rooting for you.

Naturally, I suspect you know it is a "Long Song" by definition... and that is okay, depending upon your musical objectives. If you are "pitching" it... expect some "headwinds."

Thanks for sharing. It moved me. ----Dave

I guess I will have to be the exception...I think this could be simplified and have the characters more clearly defined. The I ,the she, the you, the he

Thank you all for your feedback.

TC...good thought on the guitar. I didn't want to double it or make it too modern sounding because of the lyrics - "strumming on this old guitar" - as I wanted to give the impression the singer was playing his dad's old guitar on this song. But I will look at how I might make a bit more present.

Dave...'ant' is short for Anthony and my friends have called me that for years, so no worries. I'm just a one-man bedroom recording project but I use the name "Apricot Hill" for a little internet privacy :-). It's just a hobby and this community has been so supportive - I was pretty active here years ago when I was just learning/starting - so I wanted to share but I have no commercial ambitions, just doing it for the love of it like most here. I'm so glad to hear you connected with the song. Thanks!

Neil...thanks, I was wondering if the lyric is a bit hard to follow. Yes, the singer is singing to his dad about his mom. I do try to be consistent so when the singers says "you/your" the singer is talking to his dad (in heaven), when the singer says "she/her" the singer is referring to his mom and when the lyric says "he/him" it's quoting mom talking about the singer's dad (her husband). Now that I write it all out, perhaps it's a bit hard to follow :-) Thanks for listening!

..ant

That's a great story, ant. Nice music too - catchy chorus!

Yes, a little long but nothing to really cut without sacrificing the story. So keep it as is.

Scott

Good to hear you posting again, Ant. Sad, wistful song, musically well matched to those sad lyrics. Your vocal is well suited to this too, tender and vulnerable. It feels too long though, and I say that from a listener POV. There isn't enough difference between sections musically so the sameness of verse chorus bridge makes it feel much too long. Plus it is over 5 minutes and we all have the attention span of a gnat these days.

You haven't asked for a critique but I feel compelled to give you one anyway. Lyrically, I'd do some cutting. That whole bridge section that starts and ends with "I know it won't be very long", I'd eliminate. It's not really saying anything new. I'd also cut out that last verse "Now mama did the best she could" because again, it doesn't tell us anything new. Then I'd re-write those other 2 verses about the love song and wreck and make that your bridge, using your same bridge music. That information ties up the whole song for me and feels more bridge-like.

Anyway, just some thoughts I had while listening.

Ricki

Ant,

Love your stuff and this is no exception; the chord progression on this one pulls you in right away, and your vocal makes it equally inviting—all of it makes me want to keep listening.

You’ve received some feedback regarding the length on this one. Personally, I’m not an advocate of conforming songs to prescriptive time limits—but then I, like you perhaps, write more for my own enjoyment without commercial success in mind. But it’s fair comment that the length on this one might present commercial challenges beyond our mutual appreciation. And I wouldn’t argue (and could advocate) that a condensed version could be greatly successful if you chose to go that route.

It’s a great tune, Ant. Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Best regards,

Deej

Beautiful sentiment in the lyrics and a touching performance.
Certain parts have the flavor of "Sara's Smile" by Hall & Oates.

"I know that heaven's not that far, oh no"

Enjoyed the listen... Well Done

"And she'd say, "Sometimes when it rains
I feel that old familiar pain
And sometimes when it snows
I feel the world is so damn cold
But when you play his old guitar
I know that heaven's not that far, oh no"

These lyrics got your point across beautifully and put me in the room with the mom and guitar playing son.
Very nice.

Martin

Scott, Thanks for the kind words.

Ricki, Thank you for the listen and feedback. Probably won't be going back on this one but you gave me some good thoughts. I had never even considered something like re-working the last verse as a bridge. I'll have to keep that in mind for some of my other "long" ones. I like your approach to ask myself if I'm adding anything new to the story.

Deej, thank you so much. Yes, without commercial thoughts in mind, I kinda try to write whatever feels right and realize some folks may find it too long.

Nelson, thanks. I'm not sure I hear the Hall & Oates flavor myself but "Sara Smile" is one of my favorite cover songs to play so it's cool that you picked up on that.

Martin, thank you! That's exactly what I'm shooting for, to convey a little story and put you in it. So glad that refrain work for you.

..ant

Hello Ant,


Thanks for sharing such a nice work of art, good job.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hello Ant
The opening had me thinking Of Longer by Dan F.
I liked the song and vocal, good lyric too. Appart perhaps of the overdused, this Old guitar.
Best of luck with it
Travis

Ant,

A good story song. Touching.

Nice performance.

fj

I think this song is pure genius, in terms of the set up, story and hook. It reminds me of Don McLean.

Since you say you "won't be going back to it" I will say it is fine the way it is. BUT, if you ever decide to revisit it, feel free to shoot me a PM and I will add in my two cents about some things you COULD do in production if you wanted to, just as ideas and suggestions. But as I say it is great the way it is. Amazing set up.

Calvin, thank you.

floyd jane, I appreciate the feedback.

David Snyder, thanks! And you certainly named one of my many influences (most 70s singer-songwriters). I probably won't change the lyrics at this point but I'm always up for production feedback, thanks!

..ant

"And she'd say, "Sometimes when it rains
I feel that old familiar pain
And sometimes when it snows
I feel the world is so damn cold
But when you play his old guitar
I know that heaven's not that far, oh no"

Martin has already quoted the above...very nice lines amongst many more in a fine write.

And that write is well supported by your heartfelt vocal and the backing arrangement.

We enjoyed it all.

Well done!

J&B

J&B, thank you so much!

It's a lovely song. I did find the "And she said" somewhat crowded. Have you considered dropping it after the first chorus? I get it that you need to position who is speaking at that point, but once should be enough.

Thanks RainyDayMan, good thoughts. And I did make a few passes at the wordiness. But with three characters - mom, son & dad - I felt it was important to try to be really clear about who was who, who was speaking when.

Everyone, thank you so much for your thoughts on this one. It was pretty late in the game for making changes - I had actually posted a very early draft of this long ago here at JPF and got great feedback then as well.

The song is now released so you can now stream it on Spotify or free MP3 download at Bandcamp. Links below. Thank you all!

..ant

Free MP3 download
https://apricothill.bandcamp.com

Stream at Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/album/2myZBEp0wocmExR7S7MFwh