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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
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OP
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Back when I was a teenager, playing in a rock and roll band, our lead singer died in a motorcycle accident. We were the best of friends and his death affected me all the years. Only within the last couple of years could I finally comes to terms with his death through the writing of this song. Some of the lines I spoke to him at the grave site telling him I could never have another friend. https://soundcloud.com/user-944741980/004-who-i-amWho I Am V1 Too soon to say goodby I need to find a place to cry Don't want to feel this pain Could someone please explain V2 Why I can't see my friend How did this all just end You were there and now you're gone How do I move on How do I move on My friend Chorus If there's a God above Talk to me If you're a God of love Hold me I need to understand, understand Who I Am V3 you'll never age a day I'll always think of you that way Perhaps another time I'll smile when you cross my mind V4 And now it's time for me to go But here's what you must know I never want another friend I can't go through this again Go through this again My friend Chorus If there's a God above Talk to me If you're a God of love Hold me If there's a God above Talk to me Lord And if you're a God of love Hold me close, hold me close I need to understand, understand Who I am, who I am Copyright 2019 Steven McDonald
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 7,297 Likes: 175
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I really like your style, great vocals as well! "But....." (and remember, I'm just one opinion in cyberspace lol) Lyrically it seems like you have two songs here. Your chorus is so powerful that I forget you're singing about a lost friend, and your hook "Who I Am" makes it about yourself. Just a thought... If there's a God above Talk to me If you're a God of love Explain to me Without my friend, I can't understand Who I Am 
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
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OP
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I really like your style, great vocals as well! "But....." (and remember, I'm just one opinion in cyberspace lol)
Lyrically it seems like you have two songs here. Your chorus is so powerful that I forget you're singing about a lost friend, and your hook "Who I Am" makes it about yourself.
Just a thought...
If there's a God above
Talk to me
If you're a God of love
Explain to me
Without my friend, I can't understand
Who I Am smile
Thank you JAPOV for the comments ... most appreciated. The song is about my struggle over the years of the loss of my friend
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1
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Beautiful tune...Love the piano & the intricate vocal. But I would shorten the time on this where I can
For a Ballad 4:16 is simply way too long...There is some fat you could & IMO should trim...Your intro I would cut down to 8-12 seconds...(Saving 10-12)
Also, I would cut those 2 extra lines in verse 2 & 4...You are simply repeating line 4's information in each and these line really serve no function...You don't need those lines. You really do not need lines 5 & 6 at all IMO, & you certainly don't need to tell us what you already told us...Just launch to your CHORUS...You should save another 24-26 seconds between both of these...So with this trimming it would cut 30-38 seconds off & get you comfortably under 4 minutes
Why I can't see my friend
How did this all just end
You were there and now you're gone
How do I move on
How do I move on
My friend
And now it's time for me to go
But here's what you must know
I never want another friend
I can't go through this again
Go through this again
My friend
Just a thoughtt....
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 10
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 10 |
Wow you have a great singing voice.
Suspense was killing me waiting for you to really belt it out and you did ramp it up near the end of the song.
Sorry for your loss.
CALCOIC
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,162 Likes: 19
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Posts: 1,162 Likes: 19 |
Good song. Very relatable for some of us.
Ckiphen
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
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OP
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Beautiful tune...Love the piano & the intricate vocal. But I would shorten the time on this where I can
For a Ballad 4:16 is simply way too long...There is some fat you could & IMO should trim...Your intro I would cut down to 8-12 seconds...(Saving 10-12)
Also, I would cut those 2 extra lines in verse 2 & 4...You are simply repeating line 4's information in each and these line really serve no function...You don't need those lines. You really do not need lines 5 & 6 at all IMO, & you certainly don't need to tell us what you already told us...Just launch to your CHORUS...You should save another 24-26 seconds between both of these...So with this trimming it would cut 30-38 seconds off & get you comfortably under 4 minutes
Why I can't see my friend
How did this all just end
You were there and now you're gone
How do I move on
How do I move on
My friend
And now it's time for me to go
But here's what you must know
I never want another friend
I can't go through this again
Go through this again
My friend
Just a thoughtt
Thanks, Steve, for your comments. This is a demo for now. If I decide to do something with it I will definitely refer to your suggestions
Steve
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,230 Likes: 31
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Posts: 2,230 Likes: 31 |
I agree with all the positive comments above regarding the performance and the lyric and would add that there is a real sincerity that comes across both in the lyric itself and your voice, which I found very moving.
I also agree with JAPOV about it seeming like two songs. I would leave out the "Who I am" question altogether. It doesn't belong in my opinion. I also agree with Calcoic that you did a great job of building suspense musically leaving me wanting to hear you really belt out a chorus.
Really good. You are clearly a talented guy.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3 |
I have to agree with others here, your voice is very good, and stands out.. carries every word you sing, people listen to that, I don`t think you have to be repetitive on any lyric you have here, your making your point and people are getting it.
really a good listen I like the song.. [ just my thoughts] Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
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OP
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Wow you have a great singing voice.
Suspense was killing me waiting for you to really belt it out and you did ramp it up near the end of the song.
Sorry for your loss. Thank you for the listen and your kind words. Most appreciated Steve
Last edited by VNORTH2; 02/01/21 11:36 AM.
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 184
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 184 |
VNORTH2,
I really enjoyed this, I could feel the desperation and sadness, a real longing to have your friend back and the honest questioning of where is God in all this.
So sorry for your loss, so many times there are just no answers that would suffice but I believe God will make all things new again.
Skip
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,455 Likes: 41
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,455 Likes: 41 |
Good song, man!
Love the writing. The performances are great.
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690 |
Beautiful song. Very genuine in lyrics and delivery.
I think you have an opportunity to add to the emotional delivery in a few places. Your melodies are very good but become a little stagnant to me at the end of each verse. It would be a great place to go up in vocal pitch even if it's just on the last couple words imo. Would make great lead ins to each verse and also the chorus.
That's all I can really pick out as something I would consider changing.
Very nice song!
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
Top 20 Poster
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Joined: Sep 2009
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VNORTH2
I really think your songs are soaring!
Keep them coming!
Mackie
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68 |
Good song. Very relatable for some of us. Thanks for your comment, most appreciated
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68 |
I agree with all the positive comments above regarding the performance and the lyric and would add that there is a real sincerity that comes across both in the lyric itself and your voice, which I found very moving.
I also agree with JAPOV about it seeming like two songs. I would leave out the "Who I am" question altogether. It doesn't belong in my opinion. I also agree with Calcoic that you did a great job of building suspense musically leaving me wanting to hear you really belt out a chorus.
Really good. You are clearly a talented guy. Thanks, Gavin for the listen and your comments. The song is really about my struggle with his death. Steven
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68 |
I have to agree with others here, your voice is very good, and stands out.. carries every word you sing, people listen to that, I don`t think you have to be repetitive on any lyric you have here, your making your point and people are getting it.
really a good listen I like the song.. [ just my thoughts] Lane Thanks. Lane, for the listen. I see your point about repeating the line. I'll give it some thought. Steven
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
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Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68 |
VNORTH2,
I really enjoyed this, I could feel the desperation and sadness, a real longing to have your friend back and the honest questioning of where is God in all this.
So sorry for your loss, so many times there are just no answers that would suffice but I believe God will make all things new again.
Skip Thanks, swestern, for the listen and your comments. It's been a bit of a journey over the years. I totally agree with you on all things new. Steven
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68 |
Good song, man!
Love the writing. The performances are great. Thanks, IronKnee, for the listen and comments. Most appreciated. Steven
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68 |
Beautiful song. Very genuine in lyrics and delivery.
I think you have an opportunity to add to the emotional delivery in a few places. Your melodies are very good but become a little stagnant to me at the end of each verse. It would be a great place to go up in vocal pitch even if it's just on the last couple words imo. Would make great lead ins to each verse and also the chorus.
That's all I can really pick out as something I would consider changing.
Very nice song! Thanks, Ricky, for the listen and comment. Most appreciated Steve
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,651 Likes: 68
Top 200 Poster
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OP
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VNORTH2
I really think your songs are soaring!
Keep them coming!
Mackie Sorry I missed this, Mackie. Thanks for the comment, most appreciated. Steve
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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