JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 CHASING THE MOON - collab with Michael Thomas Ellis

Hey, folks. Sorry I haven't been around lately. Just got back from a seminar in Las Vegas. Tough duty, I know. Anyway, after complimenting each other's writing for the last 18 months, Mike and I finally decided to write one together. Here's the result. We'd sure appreciate your comments! Thanks in advance.

Erica

Chasing the Moon
©2003. Erica Molz/Michael Thomas Ellis


Twelve long and lonely hours
Driving west on this dark road
Till I'm lying there beside you
Time goes by so slow

The sun is barely setting
Where you wait for me
But my moon's already rising
And I'll follow where it leads

(chorus)
I'm chasing the moon
Across a midnight sky
So we can be together
One more time
And when I finally catch it
I'll tie it to a star
So the moment lasts forever
When I'm finally where you are

Then we'll do what lovers do
I'm chasing the moon to you

Too many days, too many nights
We've had to spend apart
Just memories to hold me
Till you hold me in your arms

Sometimes it seems the longing
Is more than I can bear
But the sweet sound of your voice
Keeps me going till I'm there

(repeat chorus)

(bridge)
Every town that slips on by
Brings me closer to your side
I hate this long hard interstate
But your touch is worth the wait (so)

(repeat chorus)



[This message has been edited by rickigirl (edited 02-04-2003).]

Ahem, you were in Vegas and you didn't call me? Cheeez!

Golly gee guys this is a right fine one! I got a head tune off it right outta the gate... Believe it or not, my head-singer sounded like... Paula Cole? What the heck she was doing in there I don't know, but I kinda heard the verses as a nearly-spoken-word vibe like "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone"... Musta been the italics...

Anyway you sing it though, I liked it! Kudos!

Uncle Chuck

------------------
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/athabaxtra.htm

This is pretty strong. It's simple and effective. Nothing stands out as glaringly weak...except that the last two lines of the bridge don't seem up to par with the rest of the lyric...kind of a fizzle out effect. That's all I got. Good collab....hope you get a good tune.

Corey

Wirdaz: Wet, huh? And that's a bad thing? LOL. If that line bugs more people, we'll definitely take another look at it. I'm glad you liked the rest, though. As for writing together again.....well, if you insist. Thanks!

Chuck: Well, if I had thought you'd make the drive to see little ole me, I would have called! Soooo glad you like this one. I'd love to hear what Paula was singing to you, if you have the time. Thanks for taking a look, Chuckster!

Erica

Corey: Uh-oh. I think you just got me in trouble. Mike wasn't completely sold on those last two lines of the bridge, either. Said basically what you did. I kinda talked him into it. Now I'm gonna hear it! But if that's the only problem, we're off to a good start. Thanks, Corey!

Erica

BRILLIANT!!! Simply brilliant, you two! What a great pairing of minds on this one. There's so many great lines, it's tough to pick a favorite.. among them are:

Sometimes it seems the longing
Is more than I can bear
But the sweet sound of your voice
Keeps me going till I'm there

But my very favorite is:

So the moment lasts forever
When I'm finally where you are

Unfortunately, that's going to segue to my only nit, but it's fairly substantial. IMO, I would end the chorus there. Adding those next two lines sorta... I dunno, "cheapen" the beauty, simplicity, and power of the chorus. Again, that's JMO, but that's how I see it.

Again, this is truly great... my final comment... I want more, you guys make a great writing team!

Tink
p.s. hope we'll see ya in L.A., Michael.
p.s.s. here's a suggestion for the bridge

(bridge)
Every town that slips on by
Brings me closer to your side
I hate this long drive alone
But, until your touch brings me home


[This message has been edited by TINK (edited 02-04-2003).]

Cindy!!! I am sooooo glad you saw this tonight! You have been such a big supporter of my writing and Mike's writing for the last couple of years. I was hoping you would like our first collab. I'll talk to Mike about that couplet at the end of the chorus, see what he thinks. And thanks for the bridge suggestion. It's a good one. Thanks for reading and for liking it!! I'm sure there will be more from us!

Erica

Well, after a 5 1/2 hour drive down from San Jose tonight (do you know the way?), this was a surprise. A sneak post! I wasn't expecting to see it up for a day or so. I think that Girl and I need to talk. Now, a few thank yous are in order before I hit the sack.

Noel. Wet? I can't believe you said that! That whole couplet may not be necessary (looks like another comment to that effect down below, too), so we may be able to dry this out after all. And yes, I think we may try again. Thanks!

Chucky. Cheeez? If you got an instant head tune, that sounds like a good thing to me! Much better than a headache. Besides, with talent like my cowriter's, it's hard to go wrong. She steers me from my excesses....

Corey. Yep, we went round and round over those two lines. I'm still not all that cozy with them yet. It's like I told Erica, that last line needs to, well, climax the whole lyric. We'll be talking. Thanks for the rest!

Cindy. The "B" word? Shiver. We can take that, I think. Thank you. Two Roman thumbs down on that couplet. One or two more, and it's a goner. It was on shaky grounds when we wrote it anyway, so it won't be painful if it goes. Your favorite line? A last minute solution to those troublesome last two lines of the chorus. Sounds like it works! And you offer an interesting bridge solution, too, if not exactly as written, the idea of how it segues (is there an echo in here?) back into the chorus is quite good. We'll ponder that one, too. Thank you, my friend, and yes, we'll see what we can do about LA.

And to my writing partner. You have an amazing talent with words. Thanks for the dance! And keep my name on your dance card!

Well now my favorite girl is back!!
Eric-ah what a nice name....

And you have come back in style!

This is simply beautiful....The key word being "simply" Nothing forced and images so clear and easily related to by anyone....Real clever stuff.

I really think this is a killer chorus!!
Like Tink I love those last two lines.

Like that old vetran Corey wrote it sort of goes a little negative in the wrong place in that second to last line of the bridge.
Now I'm not trying to get you in trouble but you'd hate me if I didn't say so...

I truly love this chorus and I hope you two get a super melody going and then throw it at us all again so we can listen.

Nice to have ya back. How much did you lose at the tables or the machines........opps sorry , not my business..


ERIC......nickname.......RICK

Eric: Simply beautiful - I like that! And a "killer", too. Woohoo! Like Mike said, those two lines in the chorus that you and Tink both like were just written last night after several rewrites. I guess it pays to keep trying when you know it's not quite there yet. We'll definitely be working on that bridge some more. Thanks for the help, Rickdude.

Erica

p.s. believe it or not, I only put 4 quarters into the slots. That was the extent of my gambling!

Good stuff guys. really like it. Just a few comments.
I could be splitting hairs here, but you mention the sun is just setting, and then you're chasing the moon across a midnight sky. Seems like a jump in time that might not be fully setup at that point. Just something to consider, and maybe not worth considering!
I don't think you need the last 2 lines of the chorus either. I think they're good, but it just seemed natural to end it on line 8 to me..it felt like it was "done".

On the bridge:

With each town that slips by
I'm closer to your side
My heart just can't wait
To exit this interstate

Just some other thoughts on it. Basicallly the same with less words. I don't think the last 2 lines are weak; just thought it might be a bit wordy, but then i'm known for short bridges.

Really nice stuff guys!

HI Ricki & Michael!

I'd change "long hard" to "Endless" Interstate...

Otherwise, Mighty Fine Lyric, you two.
Great Job, & "KUDOS!"

Big Hugs,
Stan

Hi Erica,

Yeah every time I leave Vegas I wind up chasing the moon too.

Just kidding Looks like a good start to me, already have plenty of suggestion's to work with.

Good Luck

Regards
Bill

Hope you got Couch's permission to use moon in a lyric you two

Some fine people have looked so I just enjoyed the ride

Ciao

Very nice! I'm going to add my thumbs down for those last 2 lines in the chorus -- strong enough without them!

------------------
Mary Lou

Ricci and MT,

I really like this. Flowed smooth and although the phrase "chasing the moon" sings well and feels romantic....I can't help but picture you driving behind a bus loaded with a high school basketball team who are flashin' you the cheeks.

but, since nobody else said anything, it is probably just some genetic character defect on my part.<g>

Fine colab, you two.

dawg

Sorry it took me so long to get here, today. Looooong day at work.

Blake: I just knew if someone would start doing the math on the time schedule here, it would be you. Actually, Mike and I both being perfectionists, we spent alot of time doing the math ourselves to make sure it worked. The sun is just setting where he is, but she's a 12 hour drive away, heading west. It might not be midnight when she leaves, but I was hoping it was close enough. And geez, it will be midnight eventually on her trip. Picky, picky, picky. Thanks for the suggestions, Blake!

Stan: Thanks for the suggestions and the kudos!

Bill: Thanks for taking a look and liking!

John: Glad to hear you enjoyed the ride! Ciao, back atcha!

Mary Lou: Consider your vote on those lines counted. Thanks for weighing in!

Dawg: Ewwwww! You just may have ruined this lyric for me. Thanks for stopping in. I think.

Erica

[This message has been edited by rickigirl (edited 02-05-2003).]

Too much work for me, too, and not enough sleep. Here I go again, even quicker thanks before the sheep start strolling through the turnstiles.

Eric, Blake, Stan, Bill, John, MaryLou and Dawg. Erica said it all and more than I could hope to add to right now. Thanks! Now I don my nasal strip and put me down to sleep. G'night.

G'day rickigirl. I gotta say- I LOVE YOUR BONZER SONG! and best wishes too, Ray in Australia.

Thanks, Ray!! It's always nice to have you stop by!

Erica

'rica,
Nice pop song thar, youses.
I gots one little scissor-point that poked thru the fabric when reading:
Sometimes it seems the longing
Is more than I can bear
But the sweet sound of your voice
Keeps me going till I'm there

Nice 'n all, but unless that voice is comin' from the radio [or the person's voice carries REALLY well], it ain't workin' for me.
Prolly something that doesn't bother anybody else, but it just skews my sense of place right in the middle of a dramatic declaration.

------------------
Ozone
http://www.mp3.com/OzonePete

Pete: I've been wondering if anyone would say that. When I wrote that part, I didn't mean she was hearing his voice while she was driving, just that while they're apart, talking to him and hearing his voice keeps her going while she misses him. But after I posted it and reread it, I wondered if anyone would interpret it the way you did. Something to think about. Thanks for stopping by!

Erica

Hi Erica,
Lovely lyrics,indeed.I knew what you meant about hearing his voice,in your mind.No nits here
God Bless
ClaireJeanne
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/claireandrick.htm

Hi, Clairejeanne! Thanks for taking a look at this one. I'm glad that part didn't confuse you. And glad you like it!

Erica

Although, it seems the longing
Is more than I can bear
the sweet echoes of your voice
Keep me going till I'm there.

Jean: Oooooh, I like that! Thanks!

Erica

Ahhhhhhh.....
That's mo' betterer!
(Sure I know what you meant; I don't want to be branded a literalist, just "finicky". )