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This is only for a mature audience, so don't go any further if you're not an adult.
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Santa Knows Where The Bad Girls Live
© words and music by C. Stewart ( Dec. 5, 2005 )

Santa Knows Where the Bad Girls Live
The info's in his head
The reason he's so jolly is
He's been in their beds

Some live out on Lusty Lane
In Ecstasy Estate
When he slides inside their chimney's
They all think he's great

PRE CHORUS.....
He's got goodies in his bag
That'll make a woman moan
Especially the horny ones
Living all alone

CHORUS....
A bottle of the finest scotch
Panties that don't have a crotch
Remote controlled candy cane
Turn it on and go insane

Santa Knows Where the Bad Girls Live
They should draw the blinds
The reindeers can not concentrate
With images so fine

Nasty fish net stockings, and
A little see thru-top
That's enough to bring his sleigh
To a screaching stop

PRE CHORUS.....
He's got goodies in his bag
That'll make a woman moan
Especially the horny ones
Living all alone

CHORUS....
A bottle of the finest scotch
Panties that don't have a crotch
Remote control candy cane
Turn it on and go insane

Santa Knows Where the Bad Girls Live
Santa Knows Where the Bad Girls Live




[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 12-06-2005).]

Calvin: NOw and again, I wish you could come out of your shell...P

Like Santa, I'm really busy these days so I only have time for a quick in out

Since I'm splitting inside...I have two insides to offer you.....


When he slides inside their chimney

The reindeers can not concentrate
With goings on inside


great chuckle

Oh, Calvin, this one (shall we say) sleighs me.

Couple thoughts--based on what I hear in my head when I read this. Feel free to ignore if they don't work. How about:

"Nasty fishnet stockings
Little see-through tops..."

and

"...They oughta draw the blinds
Poor reindeer cannot concentrate..."

I particularly liked the "Remote controlled candy cane/Turn it on and go insane." I will never look at some Christmas decorations the same way again.

I bet there's a market for this. (No, I'm not sure where it is--but I'd like to find out.)

Joe
www.soundclick.com/bands/7/joewrabek_music.htm

Oh man, I saw the title and it was impossible not to click on it. This is great Calvin.

Inside of your head must be a pretty interesting place!

Scott

Hello Paul,

Hey man, thanks for stopping in to have a read, I appreciate your time.
Hope you're doing well.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Calvin-
This is SUCH a great idea- hmmmm-- ya know, Joe said he wasn't sure what the market for this is--- so I guess it's not appropriate for PG audience-- so if it ISN'T--- then I think I would even make it dirtier- you might as well really whack the audience in a Howard Stern kinda way. Does that make sense?
Right now it's in between. I could think of alot of stuff in that vein, but I'm sure you could too and it's your write

Herbie

PS if you keep it like this (in between) the only thing I would say is I would switch nasty to sexy fish net stockings (it's still kinda a sweet feeling to me and nasty doesn't fit)

PSS I could see in a live setting, open with a regular sounding xmas tune like
He's making a list, checking it twice
WANTS to find out who's naughty NOT nice BECAUSE..... (hang then into it)
Santa Knows Where The Bad Girls Live
This would really spin the audience


[This message has been edited by Herbie Gaines (edited 12-06-2005).]

Herbie, that's a great idea. It'd fit good, I think. (And for what it's worth, I'd personally stick with "nasty." Said with the right inflection, it'd convey the impression I think you're after.) Audiences would love this.

Joe
www.soundclick.com/bands/7/joewrabek_music.htm

Calvin,

I was rather sure you would findsomething interesting to do with one of those hooks...and this IS interesting!

I kind of agree with Herbie,it's a bit middle of the road. Could be turned up a notch and be really adult oreinted,or scaled back a touch and be more of a PG thing. Either way,I'm glad one of my hooks worked for you...and you really worked it over good! Very creative writing!

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 12-06-2005).]

Hey Cal, this is GREAT Fun!~

Here's a few suggested Line Changes:

"He's WARMED UP their beds"

("Chimney" should be PLURAL)

"TO make a woman moan" {your Pre-Chorus is a DANDY!!!}

"A remote-controlled candy cane" (Yearns for that extry Syllable...IMO)

The reindeers cannot concentrate
"WHEN GIRLS BLOW SANTA'S MIND"

"That's enough to bring SANTA's sleigh"

Extry TAG line: "It's The MERRIEST TIME THERE IS....Santa knows where the Bad Girls Live!~"

Keep-or-Sweep'em..."KUDOS"..& Good Luck with this Nice & Naughty JEWEL Buddy!

Big Best-of-The-Season Guy-Hug,
Stan

ok, Joe likes it NASTY-- but don't tell anybody, it'll be a JPF secret

Cal,
I'm jus' gon' tell ya now....I dunno...maybe you ain't doin' ol' Kris Kringle right, exposing him like this!!!

ben

[This message has been edited by Ben F (edited 12-06-2005).]

Ben, I dunno. I think of it more like exposing (*definitely* "exposing") Santa's human side--his soft underbelly, as it were. He's already intimidating enough to children without making a role model out of him.

And there's already a lot of seaminess that's just kinda whitewashed by the 'Tis The Season Spin Doctors. Consider. This is the dude who sees you when you're sleeping? Knows when you're awake? Knows if you've been bad or good? I think we have the patron saint of stalkers, here...

Joe
www.soundclick.com/bands/7/joewrabek_music.htm

I feel like I've walked into a gentleman's club where no female dare venture : o
I already read this once this morning and thought it was pretty cute of you Calvin...do you read the comic strip "Calvin & Hobbs"? Well I have a clipping of one of his where he made numerous snowmen crossing the road and blocking his father from getting to work on time. And another one where his dad is saying they got to get help for that kid....another snowman but the snowman is holding his own head in his hands...demented but very funny. I can tell you can be like that! Or am I wrong? Take Care, Linda hummin miss lucy had a steamboat the steamboat had a bell.....

Hi Calvin -
I am sure there are those that would question my maturity...but I looked anyway!


Joanne


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[*]The Best is Yet to Be,Joanne Lurgio-singer/songwriter www.joannelurgio.com

[*] Joanne's Gig Calendar - http://www.musi-cal.com/search?key=performers&value=Lurgio

[*] http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=100751
[*] www.cdbaby.com/cd/lurgio

[This message has been edited by Joanne (edited 12-06-2005).]

Hi John,

Glad ya liked it ok.
I appreciate your time & suggestions, I used 50 % of them, thanks.

Calvin

Hi ya Joe,

Glad to see this is your kind of song.
ho-ho-ho !
Sleighs me.....love it.
Thanks for the helpful suggestion about the... nasty fish net stockings, and
A little see thru-top.
It sounds better now.
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Candy canes can be great fun.
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I assume there's a market for just about anything, who knows.

Thanks for participating in this humor.
Have a good evening.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Good one for the ladies, Calvin. Now, where's the men's version? Just kidding. Great write and super funny read. Thanks for the laughs.

------------------
BOBBYJOE DEMOS

Think loose, write tight.

"Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make music that will melt the stars." - Flaubert

This is a great song for the Kiddies!!!!!
you are HILLARIOUS. no wonder he's always checking that list twice. naughty girls!!!!

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Hello Scott,

Hope you're doing well today.
Thanks for the read, I'm glad you decided to stop and check it out.
Glad to see you enjoyed this bit of holiday fun.
Inside my head....lots of things trying to get out, ha !

Have a great day.
Calvin
))<>((

Calvin, I agree with the person who said the inside of your head must be a fascinating place. Nonetheless, if I went there, I think I'd want to take protection.

Joe
www.soundclick.com/bands/7/joewrabek_music.htm

Hi Herbie,

yeh making it dirtier wouldn't be hard at all.
I like this idea....

He's making a list, checking it twice
WANTS to find out who's naughty NOT nice BECAUSE.....
(Santa Knows Where The Bad Girls Live

Thanks for the great suggestions.

Calvin

It's very strange lately... things keep popping up in two's and three's in my life.

This is a very funny lyric, Calvin. The weird thing is that I heard a very similar song (but more PG-rated) from Bud Tower online the other day. Maybe it's like those things where movie studios all seem to release "Mars" movies or dinosaur movies all at the same time... something's in the air and several people pick up on it at once.

Just... weird to be noticing it.

- James

Hello Alan,

Thank you for stopping long enough to read & comment, I know you have a lot going on in your life.
And I might add I have a lot of respect for you and your devotion.
OH yeh...thanks for all the fun that has come from this great hook.
There are several hooks from the list that I'd love to fool with, but I can't write em all, although I'd love to.
Have a great day.

Calvin

Calvin,

Oh, my. Thing you did this hook the justice it deserves. Watch which stocking you stuff the C.D. into. Thanks for posting the mature audience notice. Not all lyrics have to be written for 14 year olds.

Keep writing.

Skip

Hi ya Stan,

Hope things are cool with ya !
Glad you tuned in and enjoyed this one a little.
Thanks for your kind words.
And thanks for the chimney info.

Have a great evening.

Calvin

Hi Ben,

Thanks for checkng this one out.
Appreciate it !

Calvin

Hi Calvin,

Lot's of good lines here. Thanks for posting this song at least it kelp my interest as I read along and that's good. I myself have a christmas song and I will post it for you to see.

Marry christmas Calvin.

Irwin

I wasn't sure, but looks like it's going to be a misfit Christmas after all...lol

So That is why Santa is always late getting to my house. I was wondering what was going on. Now i know! Cool Song.

Hi Linda,

Thanks for dropping into the club, you're always welcome.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this, especially more than once.
Glad you got some enjoyment from it.
It was fun to do.
No I don't read C & H, and yes I suppose That could be me walking around with my head in my hands, or maybe even something else, ha !
I hope you enjoy the holidays.

Calvin

Hi Joanne,

Glad you did !
Thanks.

Have a cool weekend.


Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hey Calvin,

I'll never look at Santa the same again, but like the joke says "Hey, Hey, Hey, gotta stay, can't get back up the chimney this way!"

Good Stuff, Hookem

Hi Bobby Joe,

Ha, glad ya got a slight chuckle out ot it, I appreaciate you stopping & looking.
Thanks.

Calvin

Hello Ken,

Thanks man, glad ya like it !


Calvin

Hi Joe,

Hey man, I'm almost as normal as you.


Calvin

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Hi Tricia.....and OUCH !
I haven't been that bad.
That treadmill does some interesting things to your mind.

Calvin

[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 12-10-2005).]

Hello James,

Good to see ya man !
Yeh, that is kind of weird isn't it.
I'm glad you liked this one & I appreciate you stopping, reading & giving your opinions.
Thanks !


Calvin

Hi Skip,

Thank you for reading, replying and your overall kindness.
It was a fun song to write.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hello Irwin,

Nice to meet ya !
Thanks for stopping by.
I appreciate your kind remarks.
Wow, you're a long way from my part of the world.
Merry Christmas from Okeechobee, Florida.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

I'm sorry, Calvin. My post ended up being more about me than your lyric.

This one's great, and it has a raunchy edginess to it that I haven't seen anywhere else. The lyric holds together great and really paints a picture.

Great job!

- James

hey this is great. made me laugh out loud.
loved it!

nick




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If you give them the tools, you give them a chance.
ngb

To quote another lyric this forum*:
"what the fa la la be happ’ n’n" Santa?

*Santa Rap

Hello Old Saint Ritt,

Thanks for having a look at this one.
Hope you're enjoying the holidays.
The world needs more.......

CHRISTMAS KISSES - You can listen here
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart



[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 12-13-2005).]

Hi Charles,

Thanks for giving me a minute of your time.
Glad ya liked it.
Happy Holidays !

The world needs more....
CHRISTMAS KISSES - you can listen here.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


Calvin



[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 12-13-2005).]

Hello Hookem,

Thanks for the read, and the cool comments.
Very much appreciated.
Happy holidays to you.

The world needs more...
CHRISTMAS KISSES - you can listen here.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi James,

No problem at all man.
Glad you stopped by, thanks for the groovy compliments.

The world needs more...
CHRISTMAS KISSES - you can listen here.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


Calvin

Hello Nick, or is it Old Saint Nick ?

Either way, nice to meet ya & thanks for dropping by with some nice comments.
Glad you enjoyed it.


Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 12-16-2005).]

Hello Cat,

Thanks for tuning in to this one, much appreciated.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi John,

That's a beautiful picture, thanks.

Calvin