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Prettier Than Venus (c)

He was a simple country boy,
unlearned, not erudite.
His heart was stole by a city girl,
and man she was a sight.

Hair like golden winter wheat
teeth a blazing white.
But when he tried to tell her so
his words never came out right.

You'd be prettier than Venus
if we just cut off your arms.
You wouldn't need no clothes at all
cause I would keep you warm.
You could stick around
and cook and clean
and never leave the farm.
You'd be prettier than Venus
if we just cut off your arms.

His words while well intentioned,
somehow failed to win her heart.
So, he backed up, calmed himself
and got him a runnin' start.

You'd be neater than a shrunken head
if we just sewed your mouth shut.
You'd be quiet as a feather bed
and let me tell you what.
You do not need
to speak a word
cause you've got a real nice butt
You'd be neater than a shrunken head
if we just sewed your mouth shut.

He was going down in flames,
and she was goin' home.
'cleared his head and one more time
recited her his poem.

You'd be prettier than Venus
if we just cut off your arms.
You wouldn't need no clothes at all
cause I would keep you warm.
You could stick around
and cook and clean
and never leave the farm.
You'd be prettier than Venus
if we just cut off your arms.

HAAAAAAAAA... good one greydog,but I think her arms would come in handy.Scoot

mornin' Scoot.....
....you think her mouth wouldn't??

dawg

Couldn't resist the urge to continue the story

I Think this boy is missing
some important parts I fear
cause when you want a girls attention
you cut off both her ears
Then you can whisper her sweet nothings
while blazing up a trail
you can bend her ears on demand
if you can tolerate the smell

he could seperate her from her legs
if given such a whim
that'd keep her home where she belongs
and away from cousin Clemm
he could go on long walks with her
without unneeded conversation
her legs would not grow weary
in an up hill situation

and if he could remove her mind
if he took the chance
she'd be saved from giv'n pieces out
tainted with romance
and talk about his sex life
no unnecessary obstuctions
and I'm pretty sure that he
Could still claim a tax deduction

What a hoot! That's funny stuff. Saw the title, never expected that. Iddy Biddy, just as good. Enjoyed both chapters, guys.

Bless you both...Clark

LOL, John,

fine job...and I love the tax deduction at the end...but I can see the women starting to scream already and the answer songs will prolly hit hard and fast.

dawg

Mornin' Clark,

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment. Both are appreciated.

dawg

Hi dawg.....

Well.....you got me gigglin' again! This is soooooo cute. And by the way, men do not corner the market on puttin' a foot in a mouth. I've been known to do the same occasionally. Real cute little number here.....I could picture this poor, big oaf.

You'd be a good wife for Bin Larden
If we dressed you in a tent.
Chopped off all your good fun bits.
And sewed up your front vent.
If we took away your education.
And made you stay at home.
You'd make another stanza.
In this wacky little poem.

Dawg and Iddy. Herees a bloke trying to be real serious today and what do you guys do to him?
Make him laugh his stupid arse off and force him to add his two bobs worth.
This is great morning fair Fellas.
Now I gota go find the dickshunary and see what that five dollar word in the second line means.
Regards.
Graham



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http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/

Evenin' Sunny,

and thank you...munchkins always look so cute when they giggle, so I am certainly proud to sponsor this one.

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

dawg

Gee Dawg, between TWS and here you are in top form these days. Too bad we have to go there for the full repertoire. You spilling em out to fast so you figure you have to keep two boards busy?? I'm jealous...well maybe not...been awful busy lately


Oh and this was a logroller full of fun. She's almost good enough

Evenin' Graham,

glad to be guilty, your honor. Thanks for the verse ol' friend. Keep 'em coming.

dawg

Evenin' Johnny,

The only time I post a different one on TWS is if I get two done in one day...I do try to post no more than one a day...this board is getting busy and I don't want to be a board hog. If anything, I will post two overthere, because the board is much slower.

Thanks for the read and the kind words.

dawg

Howdy Dawggy...

The title of this one sorta suckered me in...but as cute as it is, I kinda felt compelled to respond in kind, although I AM being kind. I considered comparing the singer in this to the sculpture of David, but did not wish to point out what was lacking there, as I DO retain some modicum of tact.

Bobbie

I do appreciate your sweetest thoughts
And I know just what you mean
But without arms I fear, my dear
I could not cook nor clean
There'd be no way to hold you close
When you turned out the light
And if you sewed my sweet lips closed
How could I kiss you fond good night?

The lovely Venus was, my dear,
A sculpture made of stone
Though lovely to gaze upon
You need real flesh and bone
That her beauty's won so many hearts
Is a well established fact
But come over here, my dear
And I'll show you what she lacked.

Bobbie darlin'.....

It ain't a matter of retention. I didn't have any tact to start with.

I could not help but note that your chorus was the soul of brevity and still did not expand or compliment the verses. The rhyme scheme on you chorus seems a bit...well....terse to me.

Thanks for the read and the KIND WORDS.

dawg<G>

This one's okay. It seems like it could be more clever, but Lord knows how. The Venus line is good, as are the no-clothes and nice-butt lines, but the rest of the choruses are kinda weak. And that last verse seems like a poor excuse to get back to the first chorus. Why would he recite the same words again, this time as a poem? Even a dumb hick would realize he shouldn't make the same mistake twice. Is he so dumb that he doesn't know that, and that's part of the joke? I dunno. Anyway, thanks for the fitfully fun read.

Anthony

FFFFUUUUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYY!!!! Oh my Dawg Gawd.. I mean My Gawd Dawg!! You have one fertile mind, you do. And Iddy and Graham.... you're both HYSTERICAL!!! That was more fun than Naked Night at the Feather Duster Bar and Grill!! Whoooooeeee!! And Bobbie, you tell him, Girl!! He's met his match in you, that's for damn sure!!!


a man with such a fertile mind
can be a danger to himself
cause if he speaks just what he thinks
he's sure to go without
he chooses not to hesitate
and says things rude and crass
each time he opens up the trap
where thoughts make him an ass

but a man like you is hard to loathe
when you write those "precious" songs
and once in a while you say something
that takes the dunce away from blondes
So in closin, dawg i'd like to say
cain't wait for yer weddin keg
cause gawd knows i'll laugh so hard
i'll pee right down my leg

that was weak, I know.. but I'm a little outa practice.

Fun stuff dawgy...
(Bobbie! What have you gotten yourself into!!!???)

Tink

Howdy again dear dawggy,

I would be tempted to agree with you on your perspective of my response, although there WAS no chorus sent LOL...simply two verses...so the verse may be terse but the chorus is worse.

Love...
Bobbie

No problem Anth.....

You are quite welcome.....so tell me. Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning? It seems that things are not going well in your life at some point here. Is there anything we can do to help?

If there is anything we can do. Let us know. We care.

dawg

KK

Ahh Tink,

I would have bet on you....and won. But nobody would take the bet anyhow. Thank you for the sweet verses under "ad-verse" conditions. Love em.

dawg

by the by....Bobbie has found us a place in Nashville and we are gonna have plenty of room for the party!!!!!!

dawg

Dear Bobbie,

You may fool these other folks into believin' that but I had on my disappearing ink reading glasses. Let me just reprint your chorus for their edification..

"

".

see, you can't fool me.

dawg

Dear Kaley,

O:-)

dawg

Y'know, I thought my cereal tasted kinda funny yesterday! But apart from battling a tenacious flu the last five days, my life has been fine. I think you and I just laugh at different things sometimes, that's all. No biggie.

Anthony