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Hey Guys:

Here's a song that I did with a live band. It's a very raw demo. I'd appreciate as much feedback as possible. Thanks in advance.

Roxy
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=741171&songID=5749097

I CAN'T TELL
copyright Roxy Cain

(chorus)
I can't tell you love me when you leave me and I need you
I can't tell you love me, you do things you know would hurt me
I do know, you don't know, what you say when you say that you love me

(verse)
I looked in your eyes
The coldness washed my smile away
I was confused, I started to doubt
Everything that you had to say
You're aiming straight for my heart
And I don't think that you mean well
You say you love me
Well I can't tell

(verse)
I don't play games
You know I don't fool around (I can't let nobody hold me)
But something's going on with you lately (what's going on with you)
You're not the same when you come around
Now that I have your attention
Talk to me, you might as well
You say you love me
Well I can't tell

(bridge)
When you're holding me
Sometimes I believe that you might care
Your priorities clearly show me
I'm not first and actions speak louder than your words

(chorus)
I can't tell you love me when you leave me and I need you
I can't tell you love me, you do things you know would hurt me
I do know, you don't know, what you say when you say that you love me

(verse)
I need someone to depend on
And when he's got my back I can relax
Then all of my doubt is gone
When I look in his eyes, I'll see love and all is well
'Cause you say you love me
Did you say that you loved me?
If you love me
Well I can't tell

roxy, this is a beautiful song. I would love to hear this in full production.

Now, let me give you a couple of opinions. Your voice is soulful, and you show beautiful emotion as the song progresses, but in the beginning you seem to be chopping up the notes a bit. I'd like to hear you smooth those out and linger on the in-between notes.

I get pretty distracted with the "bumpa bumpa bumpa" parts-- just don't like 'em in there. It pulls against the grain of the tune, I feel. Also like to see you do the beginning yourself, or at least without the male vocal. It doesn't blend with yours, and in fact, your voice is obscured by it. It made the beginning of the song too hard-- almost turned me off, but so glad I listened further!!

Now, with full production and some instrumentation to fill out the hollow areas (live playing band effect,) I think this song is gorgeous. Lyrics are superb, and go sooo smoothly with the feeling of the song.

Very nice. I can see the sun behind the curtain, here. Bravo.

Gina V

Wow Gina, thanks so much. Your feedback is very appreciated. I forgot to remove the " bumpa, bumpa" parts. Just directing the horns Like I said it is a very rough scratch demo. When I do the final production I won't have the male voice. It was my brother and daughter joining in. Glad you liked it.

Roxy
http://www.soundclick.com/roxycain

Don't mention it-- my pleasure. I love to hear talented female voices. Working on a blues tune myself right now-- so maybe I can throw it your way for some constructive feedback. Anyroad-- love the guts in your voice, baby-- USE it!!

...bumpa bumpa bumpa... <giggle>.

I enjoyed your lead vocals on this one. I'm with Gina V here. The opening vocal part didn't work. No blending with the male vocal. You need to do the lead in the opening and find someone to harmonize with you.

The higher female vocal was off a little, I think. Has promise. The second part with the male vocalist was a little better, but I just don't hear your voices blending. Good luck with this one.

Thanks Kevin for your comments. I'll work on everything. It's the skeleton of the song. I'll put some meat on it soon I need as much feedback as possible.

Gina, yeah go ahead and send that Blues tune my way. I'd love to hear it.

Roxy
http://www.soundclick.com/roxycain

Roxy....the first thought that came to mind....Glady's Knight....great vocal on your part....no offense to the others...but I too would go with you solo on this one....your voice is the leader on this....the chorus needs the dynamics of your vocal also and only....some background singers placed appropriately would be good....overall this sounds great....very good job....t-bob

Thanks Robert. I do love Gladys Knight. I appreciate your comments.

Roxy
http://www.soundclick.com/roxycain

Hi, Roxy

You have the makings of a great track with this one. It's very easy to pick holes in what is essentially a rough demo, so I would really only echo what other posters have said - it's a very strong, soulful ballad with a great vocal by yourself (really don't see it as a duet) and a nice band arrangement that only needs to be padded out little by little as the song progresses to keep the interest factor up. A compressed drum sound with some added reverb would also make a huge difference. You know all of this already! It's always very tempting to get 'clever' with the vocal arrangement and add all sorts of harmonies and counterpoint etc., but if I was producing I was just ask you to sing the song and put your all into it - there's more than enough information in the lyrics and enough soul in your voice to pull this off.

I look forward to hearing a more polished version in the future. If something's worth doing.............

Oh, at five minutes it's a tad long - three minutes would be good (for radio).

There - I've said it!! LOL

Regards,

Scott

Thanks for listening Scott. Gonna try to fix this real soon. Just wanted to get the idea down and some feedback.

Roxy
http://www.soundclick.com/roxycain

Need a little more feeback before the final cut. Bump.

Hi Roxy,
Gotta say I am REALLY enjoying your songs here!
Your vocals are great. Mmm-hm, a comparison to Gladys Knight is not undeserved. Have you heard any of her recent stuff? Love that too.

I love your brother's voice--it's very nice. And that's your daughter on the higher parts? You're all very good singers. But, I have to go with majority vote: stick to a solo here. You could use her higher harmonies possibly, but pull them down lower in the mix so it's not distracting. And write a song for your brother to sing.

Great theme and hook. I have to agree a 3:30-ish cut would be more commercial. Can't figure out where to cut though... maybe combining ideas from the verses so you can take one out, might be the path of least resistance. You could also look at rearranging the structure. Right now you have: C - V - V - B - C - V which is somewhat nontraditional. Wouldn't hurt to try a V - C - V - B - C and see if you like it that way. Another option is to bring up the tempo. I think you could speed it up a bit without hurting it.

The backing back sounds very nice. Good feel and fit to the song. There was one loud "PLUNK!" (high up) on the piano that distracted me... otherwise flowed good for me.

Thanks again for another very nice listen!
If these are your rough cuts-- I can't wait to hear the finished product! Nice, nice work.

Linda

Linda as always I appreciate and look forward to any feedback on my "creations". Thank you so much for your comments. Glad you like my stuff

Roxy
http://www.soundclick.com/roxycain