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JPF is Back
by John Lawrence Schick - 07/30/26 06:35 PM
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néomÃ
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
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I am sure there is no commercial viability in this one...but what the heck? I had fun writing this one while doing a little healthy venting. But I would appreciate any thoughts y'all have!
Mad Lil' White Girl
©2007 Melissa Michelle Evans
Verse I
When I came home later than I should have
She let me know it was gonna get bad
There was stuff scattered all over the place
She'd been on one hell of a rampage
It ain't good when her straight hair starts to curl
That's when you know she's one mad lil' white girl
Chorus
It don't matter that she's just five foot three
weighs a hundred pounds soaking wet
She ain't afraid to jump on me
That girl's fiesty and will tell me quick
She ain't puttin' up with my…woo hoo
She can be the sweetest thing in the wide world
Til she becomes one mad lil' white girl
Verse II
Said I was sorry; she wasn't hearin' it
She threw me a pillow and a blanket
Told me I was couchin' it for the night
I knew what was up; didn't try to fight
Cuz I was scared of what else might get hurled
I stand back when she's one mad lil' white girl
Chorus
It don't matter that she's just five foot three
weighs a hundred pounds soaking wet
She ain't afraid to jump on me
That girl's fiesty and will tell me quick
She ain't puttin' up with my…woo hoo
She can be the sweetest thing in the wide world
Til she becomes one mad lil' white girl
Bridge
Some men might call me a pansy
But I can deal with that
Cuz they don't know what it's like
To see my pint sized woman's wrath
Repeat Chorus
Last edited by Melissa Evans; 10/11/07 12:17 PM.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
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Melissa!
Bravo Bravo encore! Love this one really fiesty and pro female those are two very good things! It also doesn't degrade the man just says hey I know my place(from the guys perspective) I tottally identify with this one. Especially liked this line. It ain't good when her straight hair starts to curl.
Sincere Blessing
Derek
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 314 Likes: 6
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NOW(National organization of Women) Wow, this perspective
has a loving kick ass feel to it, Thanks for the read Ken
Ken Randall
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OK Melissa,
I like it LOTS!!!!!! So then I take the time on it. Here's what I got. It is SO good, just small things,but the biggest one is to eliminate some SHE AND SHE'S ....IMO
V.l...Line 4 SHE'D BEEN (for a better flow)
v.2...Line 5 Cuz I was scared of WHAT ELSE MIGHT BE HURLED
Chorus: Great...just need to get some SHE out of there...
Line 2 Omit AND
Line 4 That girl's fiesty; she'll tell me quick
Line 5 Ain't no puttin' up with my...woo..hoo
Line6 Most times, she's the sweetest thing in the world
ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE BRIDGE.....
You know, what I have found, is that when we write a song in the midst of some real emotion, we may write thinking it won't turn out to be much; just a way to let off some steam. But, when we do that, we are writing from a very real, non-contrived place, then it ultimately turns into some of our very best work. That's what I think happened here....so GREAT JOB....You probably didn't expect it,(believe me, I've had it happen)But, I think this is GANGBUSTERS....GO FOR IT!!!
Hope you're thinkin' UP-COUNTRY....That's how it reads....
Sincerely,
Jan
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Derek, I am actaully shocked for getting some praise. You also brought up something that I was worried about. I did not want this guy to look like he was a pathetic little loser, and if you say that I avoided that, then I will take it  Thanks for the rad and the kind words. Much appreciated! Ken, Thanks. I am proud that you took the time to comment. It means a lot! Janice, I think you have made some really great sugs. I always tend to have filler words when I write...mainly because I still consider myself new to writing. What reads right to me, may not read right to others. That is why I always take others people's opinions seriously. I am surely going to take a better look at the points that you have brought up. It is crazy that this came out like this. Normally I shy away from writing things that have a lot of emotion because to me it is not the easiest thing in the world to do. But for some reason, once I started this one, it kept on going! And yes, I am thinkin' rockin' country would be the only way that this could go! Thanks again Melissa
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Sorry double post 
Last edited by Melissa Evans; 10/10/07 05:38 PM.
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Hi Mad Missy Melissa.
Well "you're" entitled to say y'all but them Pennsylvanianx shouldn't be sayin' it. It ain't right <G>
Boy, it sure seems like we get more than our share of feisty women on this board. I don't know why, since most of the guys seem like they're peaceable and stuff. Oh well, be that as it may. Looks like you've prety much accomplished, (I'm, uh, "afraid" to criticize it <G>), what a lot of the women artists aim for in this type of song, which is quite "in vogue" now,---Giving the guys a bad time without coming off as "male bashing"
Wy
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Wyman, Thanks for the read and the comments. Don't be afraid to criticize...lol! I am glad that you did not think that I was being too mean to the male folks out there! Melissa
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Hey there, Mel!!! Always a pleasure to read your work! Excellent job on this one, now, go find the music!
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Brenda, Thanks. I am glad you liked it. Getting something going with the music...maybe it won't be too long before it gets done! Melissa
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Killer lyric, but I just cannot see taking it like that, she's a bold one.....
I would rather live alone, myself...
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Thanks Snake. I wonder if my husband thinks the same thing? I hope not
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