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Hi Mike,

Yeah "Sweet Stranger" is TOO derivative of the Eagles, isn't it? But I think the first one, although catchy, just isn't there yet. It needs some other way to state that hook...

Anyway, I'm glad you liked them! "Sweet Stranger" will get chucked into the graveyard of songs. It depends too much on your chord progression. But that's fine...it's in good company.

Well, I may just try again...

Hey, thanks Derek and Ted, too, for the kind words!

Hey Sub,

Thanks dude. Yeah, it's not nailed, just in the ballpark. I've listened to the other submissions, and obviosly melody will be dictated by song structure. Tried a couple of inversions, but they came out standard boring.

This song will dictate he terms, so needs to be done in a classical way. The Set Up, The Conflict, and the Resolution.

The song itself has legs, and with the right vibe, and killer hook, will be a winner.

Do you want folks to keep working, or have you chosen something which you find suitable. I actually enjoy the process and the journey, rather than the conclusion, and am happy to flesh it out if need be. Let us know.

cheers, niteshift

PS- I think the chorus needs a U2/INXS repetitive guitar riff in a higher register, at the point where it repeats, to lift the chorus up, and then dunp it back down to the verse.

I've been following this contest from the beginning, but I finally finished my entry and got B to sing it tonight. I tried not to listen to many of the other songs until I had mine done...once a melody gets tied to a song in my head, that's it! I'll be going back through and listening to the other songs now. (I did sneak a listen to Lyle's song and the hook stuck in my head all day.)

That Was Tomorrow, This Is Today
©2008 Mike Caro/Mark Schuessler
Vocals: Brandon Rounds

VERSE
I came home from the jewelry store
Found you were gone and read your note
You couldn't fake it anymore
It's over now, that's what you wrote

PRE-CHORUS
I thought tomorrow we'd start a new life
I'd take a knee, you'd say yes and be my wife

CHORUS
But that was tomorrow
And this is today
From talk of forever
To dreams ripped away
I'm alone with this diamond ring
And these words that I planned to say
That was tomorrow
This is today

TAG
Everything's wrong
Tomorrow's gone
Must move on from today

VERSE
You'd been too quiet for a while
You started going out alone
I'd only ever see you smile
When you were talking on the phone

PRE-CHORUS
I thought tomorrow I'd hear your laughter
Maybe you'd cry, then we'd start our ever after

REPEAT CHORUS

REPEAT TAG

I had more thoughts....:) No music.....
its becoming addictive.....

Down Easy

He carved his name on my heart
like an autograph
my name inked on his arm
thats fading fast
He's talking bout leaving
and won't be back
It's not hard to see
this ain't going down easy

I want to
I need to
let you go down
easy
You say you love me
it's not enough
You want to
You need to
let me go down
easy down easy

Call in a red etch a sketch
I'm gonna shake you
I caught the train by six
you'll be done gone soon
Take the mutt and his bowl
walk around the room
no controllin how I feel
even going down easy

I want to
I need to
let you go down
easy
You say you love me
it's not enough
You want to
You need to
let me go down
easy down down easy

You'll stay alive in the back of my mind
the next time we meet, hopefully
it'll be done
and we'll be going down easy

I want to
I need to
let you go down
easy
You say you love me
it's not enough
You want to
You need to
let me go down
easy down down easy


Tag:
ripped up your autograph
shook the etch a sketch
took you Down easy

Hi Louis

Hey! you surprised me that one, it was one of the ones that had the biggest varation
for the others. Very simple short and easy. I liked it. Pretty darn catchy,,,,

As I'm thinking about it more that would make an even more interesting verse melody.

Very different!! Very simple.... Great work Louis....

Hi Wendy

I looked back and you were gone!

Ah Ted,

Some audio... cool...

Good focusing, staying on the main hook.

This was really good- Slice my way away from you
The way it was sung, you should strip away everything and build around that,
That is nice a melody, compliment it, then beat us over the head with it.....

Still need to make the words fit like a glove....
You my friend are a Trooper!!!

Hi Kathy

Yes you guessed right lol... stay on this title and concept.

This was the most thorough of all your submsissions
You really got some nice flow happening in the verse now.

And the chorus is also very good, I like it best when you keep going down slightly
on the end notes. Like in your first submission.

I'm thinking maybe when we get down to the top five I'll start to make slight adjustments if necessary and interject to try to get the chorus as close as we can to a final draft.
In other words I'll sing each submission and make adjustments then we will here
the 5 back to back with the same voice, this may really help us narrow it down.

Maybe, I am also thinking of taking all of them editing like a maniac and putting them all into one mp3 collage. Then maybe having all of here jude for ourselves as well. Lets let the members vote, then I'll do a separate vote as well...
Could Be Fun!

lmk what ya's think....

Kathy this getting pretty solid. You are very dedicated when you start something!

Hi Derek

The lyrics didn't quite match the mp3 on this post...
But I still got the jest of it.....

It's just getting better and better, much more flow and nothing was sticking out and distracting me. That's a big key... You want people to hear the song the first time and have it feel like they have heard a hunderd times before (in a way)

Your opening chorus melody on the first line or two is still near the top of the heap.

I'm glad you are enjoying this post, it seems we all are that makes me happy as that is the most important thing to me, well after making a killer tune that is lol...

Thanks Kevin!

I had that really good week last week health wise and started slipping back last Saturday.. But i am pushing myself, bills are piling and taxes are near I have to keep going. I do have to get back to the doctors soon... I'm sick of it though!!!!!

Don't be shy to toss another attempt into the pot Kev, if you want.
And don't worry about me deleting your vocals & posts lol... I dont even know how...lol Yet!

Hi Pete,

Another good one, this one has lyrics more suiting, I liked the chorus overall.
Your chorus melody is still one of my favorites.... Top 4

And finally someone used my - Goodbye word at the very end lol....
If it can work after all that would be cool.

Definitly a chorus that stays in my head.... regardless of the lyrics and that is great!

Your still in the band pal lol

Hi Mark

I dont think it was TOO Eagles at all, makes me want to change the whole style of the song more or less and do it that way, I wanna be an Eagle!
Stop causing trouble you! lol.... we cant even get one version idea down yet

Hi Mark

Thanks for joining in...

Very thorough job & well written,

Very very nice as well.... that's the problem I think - too nice.

I thought tomorrow we'd start a new life
I'd take a knee, you'd say yes and be my wife

Even if things don't turn out nice, we don't want this guy or girl to be to whinny
we want some angst... it can get a litle sappyish in the chorus as does the music.
I did that on purpose for contrast musically. Your melodys have good flow but are not sticking enough....

I would lean away from proposals, diamond rings,jewelry store, laughter or notes...

Even though your story is ending in despair, you don't feel the sense of that here.
This is to light and soft on this draft...

A jewelry store is not the first image we want the listner to think of, unless we are robbing it

Nice work by both you and Brandon,

Thankyou!

Kathy

You are, going wild girl....

"Take the mutt and his bowl"?

I don't know how to answer that one lol...

Sub: Thanks for your interest and being honest and to the point. Well thank goodness I didn't quit my day job yet.
Great contest. Exciting and challenging to write for someone elses requirements. Been a while since I did this.

See what I can do with this one to bring it up to a higher level

Regards...Paul

Pete: I have to say that your is one of the top 5 in that the melody of the chorus has got a lot of heart and feels like it was made for the changes and arrangement.

But then the lyrics shine also. Lots of cool and interesting lines phrases and they all seem to flow almost seamlessly into each other.

I know its a friendly competition here. Your song is driving me to try and get mine up to that same level at least in the chorus.

This is exciting. Do I need a life here or what?

Regards...Paul

Linda: Thanks for that the encouraging words. Liked your version of this one. Liked how you stood your ground with your voice and the lyrics as well. Good Luck...Paul

Hi Mike

My husband and I, are working on this together, Cool. We both can't wait to show you, we are very excited. I have no doubt you will love it, or maybe not, any way, I can't get it out of my head, what fun this is.

It is now midnight here, and my cute hubby has fallen asleep, and I don't think I will be far off going to bed either.

Hopefully we will have it done over the next couple of days, I don't think we will be able to get it recorded, so that you could hear the way that we are singing it, but I think you will get it from the lyrics.

Cool Mike!

Thanks a bunch

Michele
Aussie girl from down under

Tarnation dude!...thought I nailed the music with the melody on that one...tank is running low on diff twist of the main idea...

Slice my way away from you...and build on that...ooook

Here ya go....see 2 different arrangements..#3 and #4

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=764848

Slice my way away from you
Run or stay not going to play
A foolish heart broken game
Watching you carve your name…on my chest

I’m depressed…and obsessed…
It’s a bloody shame

Paul - No problem & thanks for pitching in here all the time...
I agree with you about Petes ideas as well.

Michele - Very glad to see you here look forawrd to what you guys come up with

Two cups of coffee $1.50
A note book and pen $2.00
Working on a song with a loved one - PRICELESS

Ted - Tarnation Ted lol.... No one is getting beat up in the early & mid rounds of this fight worse than Ted, Ya know why? Tha'sts because he keeps coming and WON'T Go DOWN EASY

MUCH Better Ted,

The second time you sing "slice my way away from you" that melody is really good.

The whole chorus is way better,

I would change

Watching you carve your name…on my chest
I’m depressed…and obsessed…
It’s a bloody shame


Those lines and phrasing distracted from your other hooks.

I started to get a Journey vibe from this one Ted.. I could almost hear Steve Perry singing this chorus, How wild... Now you got me thinking like Mark had me thinking about the Eagles type style.... now you have cooler words but your melody is so pretty it's making the words like Slice seem odd Boy am I a pain in the....

Ted you are way to cool.....

My friends come here and write songs sometimes, I terrorize them as well, WORSE!
But first I torture ME..
That is why I sometimes refer to myself as "Osama Been Writing" song terrorist.

while you were answering I put up #4 does that help?...yes your a pain...but it hurts good!

While you were posting this I was listening to #4 already lol

Was pretty much the same as #3 I thought right? I have to check again...

Well I'm pretty much gased out ...not sure if you like the melody and not the lyric...or part of the lyric and not the melody...so if you need some more ideas please ya gotta direct me...if you have it pretty much down what you want I don't want to make you read all my stuff...and thats cool...but if you kind of already know where this heading I'm willing to call it good ole try! ...in any event this is pushing writers to come up with their very best ...and that is a good thing...Cheers!!and Peace!!

On the way out...

Slice my way away from you
Run or stay not going to play
A foolish heart broken game
Who's to blame for this bloody name

so where does this project stand today? I am not sure I have listened to all the takes yet but the only one I thought was working both musically and lyrically was Mark Kaufman's. Do you have a deadline for submissions Sub?

Sam(Joe) I think the deadline is March 19.

And since NO ONE has yet commented on my bg-vocal funny...
I have to assume no one's picked it out or it just wasn't funny.

In the last 20-30 sec, the alto/BG is singing, as she sends her stalker off to jail:
"Don't drop the... don't drop.... don't drop... don't drop the soap!"

OK so is it not audible or not funny??????


Linda

PS And I'm workin' on a new set of lyrics to my melody which fits the theme Sub is LOOKING FOR and uses some of the lines. I might not get it recorded in time, but I'll post it when I have it down. Needs a male singer though.

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Okay - worked on verse melodies - some new lyrics - and tried to clean up singing as best I could.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6336171

Go Down Easy
by the Mike Caro Group 2008

This tattoo of your name's a total loss
Gonna take my knife and cut that sucker off

pre
Now I can see the venom in your eyes
While falling to the poison of your lies


Let me go down easy
Don't laugh and don't tease me
You don't need to stay and watch me die
Let me go down easy
Do you find it pleasing
To see another heart you've crucified

It hurts to tell you
Why must I tell you oh,oh

Can't believe I ever fell for you
And smiled at every turn of the screw

pre
And I would like to see the tables turned
And look into your eyes while you burn

repeat chorus

It hurts to tell you
It hurts to tell you goodbye

Post deleted by Derek Hines

That singing was inspired by you my friend. I kinda developed a derek/pete voice for this. Had to get some edge in my voice finally got to where I could do it w/o straining too much.

I think I'm maxed out right now. maybe later something else will hit me. Wanted to finish this today so I can spent some time with the wife this weekend. At least not be bellowing in the basement while she's trying to relax. {:-)

Come on man 5 days to astound the world!

Pete

Mike:

Thanks for giving this a listen and for the detailed critique. I was actually expecting a shorter response: "Too sappy." About halfway through writing the song I thought: Crap, this is a girl's song...but I, like, couldn't stop myself.

I really enjoyed trying to write to your music. The riffs, groove, everything produced a lot melodic and lyric ideas (Yeah, I think I didn't pursue the right ones!) I love the way you layered in the guitars, and the way the acoustic guitar parts complement each other on the left and right sides. I listened to the music A LOT during this process and came to appreciate how well everything combined to produce a killer sound.

This is a great learning experience, Sub. I hope you do it again. I know this is taking up a TON of your time, and I'm sure everyone appreciates it.

Mark

(LOL @ A jewelry store is not the first image we want the listner to think of, unless we are robbing it)

Yes, it is an interesting exercise. I would like to try my hand at it if I could come up with a rock "idea". I guess I should have said that Mark did a good job instead of ...whatever I said. Sorry bro- Rock on!

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Hi Gang

Okay, I haven't listened to anything since my last post yet. It's so crazy last week i was feeling so much better than since Saturday I've been sliding down hill. I did book an X-Ray for Monday for my neck. WHATEVER! I'm sick of doctors & of being sick.

So after I pushed myself this week through 4 sessions in a row what do you think I did on my night off?? Of Course!

1- I worked on the lyrics to that Country Novelty Song Co-write I was talking about. Then I sang the choruses to it as well, had fun layering like 5 part harmonies on the chorus. My co-writer hasn't heard anything from me yet he is gonna freak when he gets this. I'm busting butt on the lyrics...very funny, a little at a time.

2- Then I added my original verse & pre-chorus ideas to our Rock Song I had a chorus from way back as well but I didn't want to add it and throw anyone off what they are doing, besides I don't feel 100% certain of my chorus ideas.

3- I also started editing all your versions choruses together into one big mp3

The lyrics are very close, but I mumble some stuff purposely as to nail the best melody and phrases. I dont want my words to throw that off.

Singing is the second to last least best thing I do, of all the things I do. Piano is last.
So bare with me .... besides being melodic I love to be rthymical in everything I do
So I took that approach to the verses instinctively....everything below was from when I first started the song

[b(]Untitled Rock Song) [/b] with Original verse & pre-chorus melodies/basic lyric
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6363461

[b]You carved your name in my heart like an autograph
Then you did the same on your arm, but the ink fades fast

Maybe it's time I let you go
(mumbled stuff) What you did to me and our love
It was so cold....etc......

(Chorus)

Tag:
It's an emergency
Lets end this suffering
Goodbye!

I added this link to the first page first post as well.....

Hi Mike

This is just some of our song, the way we hear this song.

It sounds nothing like the way you sing, the short version Mike.

What do you think, we still have lots more work to do on it, this is just a little of it. The idea!


You Rock My World!

Verse

The first time I saw you, my heart just stopped
My eyes could see, it's you that I want
Your beautiful smile, your strawberry red hair
Those cute little freckles, that match your hair

Chorus 1

Baby, you drive me crazy, you rock my world
Together, hold my hand baby, we'll rock the world
When, your lips touch mine, my world turns
Baby, your driving me crazy, you rock my world


Verse


Chorus 2

Baby, you drive me crazy, you rock my world
Together, hold my hand baby, we'll rock the world
When, your body touches mine, ohhhhhhhhh
Baby, your driving me crazy, you rock my world

Michele
Aussie girl from down under

Copyright March 2008

Mike,
I love most any idea to inspire me to write.
I've listened to your music last night and wrote the following lyrics. I haven't listened to your original verse and pre-chorus ideas yet. I will after I post these lyrics, it will be quite interesting for me to see if your ideas share, any the things your music spoke to me.
I hope these lyrics are a "it feels good fit" for you. I enjoyed the inspiration of your music.
Best of Luck,
Songdog

Our Love To Be

I couldn't say
That I would stay
Now she's gone
And gone away

This call to love
Will have to wait
I must be sure
I hesitate

Her memories
Are what I breathe
I second guessed
Our love to be

She told me please
One more time
Hearing her lies
Feels like I'm dying

Her memories
Are what I breathe
I second guessed
Our love to be

My love is crying
While life goes on
I wish we were
Meant to belong

Her memories
Are what I breathe
I second guessed
Our love to be

I wish I knew
This love was true
I could move on
Out of these blues


© 2008 Daniel Meehan
------Songdog------

Hi Sub and the rest of the gang I've been away from music making for awhile and this is my first attempt at this great rock song
Just verse and pre-chourus!!! I just sang what came to mind
contest

Keep up the good work, all you good people!!!!
This is so fun to be a part of
All the best
Jan Petter

Hi Linda

I didn't pick it audio wise

Mark - I appreciate your contribution, and especially your pro attitude.

Yeah the blend of acoustics with the heavy guitars is kinda cool...
This unfinished rough already sounds pretty cool... It rocks!

When I hear most all the demo places and mp3's I dig it, but start to settle for the midi/programmed drums, I like them actually. Then when I click this on again I hear what live drums sound like and I LOVE it. Notice the cymbals! Actually it's all live...

Give a listen to my latest version with verse and pre added.. It could lead you in a other direction...

Thanks bro!

Okay Derek,

I give up! I am obviously not getting what Mike is looking for. No reply, I'm sad.


I will keep working on my song though, "You rock my world".

Michele
Aussie girl from down under

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Thanks Derek

The hardest thing for me is getting the structure of the song, the sweetness of my song, well there is lines there that I am going to take out, I only put them in trying to figure out the structure of the song, my hubby, has been not been well, so I have been trying to figure it by myself.

Any way, I haven't had enough time to read all the posts, I work as a bar attendant, and I have a hubby and two children I have to focus on as well, never enough time in the day. Hah!

And, our dear friend Mike, I understand that he works hard! He is Cool!

Michele

So, Mike...are you already decided on your verse, pre-chorus and tag? Or do we still have until the 19th to present ideas?

I think a few of us still have some unpresented ideas. Also, hearing your verse and pre-chorus changes the ballgame on how the chorus would be written...whole different context.

How do you want to go on these remaining four days?

Hi Michele

I'm still here I'm never too far away lol...

Okay -

I liked the first few lines very much, then you lost it on the last line.

The first time I saw you, my heart just stopped
My eyes could see, it's you that I want
Your beautiful smile, your strawberry red hair
Those cute little freckles, that match your hair

The whole song is a little softer & nicer than what i was looking for but still flowed nicely. But the last line I would change.

The chorus had a good flow also... everything seemed singable.
The "Rock My World" concept is a good one but not for this piece I don't feel.

I know you have more to do with it.. and I'm glad you guys are involved and working and having fun

Hi Daniel

Thanks for sharing and participating. I'm glad you felt my music it means a lot to me.

I can tell by the way these lyrics are layed out visually that they probably wouldn't fit the song.

However there is two lines that I LOVED

Her memories
Are what I breathe


If you could combine those with others and mix & match you'd have a very cool song.

Some of the rest had a poetry vibe to them somewhat... Hard to fit in a tarck like
this...

Hey Jan

Great to see you here bro!

I loved your talking intro for sure You were the firt one to try the verse and pre
without the chorus how unique.

What I did relate to was your verse spacing approach was one of the closest to mine.
You shot off a line then let the guitar riff play in between. Tha's how i felt it as well.
Some of the others did that also...

I like your phrasing.... but it seems i really need this chorus most importantly.

Nice Fast Work & great to have you around!!

Derek & Pete

I liked the modifications, forgive me for not elaborating too much I'm pretty jammed up. But mainly your melodies are basically the same in all your submissions I have them locked into my head from your first submissions anyway

It's mainly those melodies and phrases that I'm focusing on, then the lyrics will probably be the next main focus. So changing lines at this point isn't as important as the melody ideas you've submitted.

You guys are hard workers man, I can appreciate that!

Hi Mark

We still can go to the 19th for submission on ideas.

I'm hanging with my verse melodies for now.. I have heard some wonderful alternate
ones but mostly they take the song in a different lighter direction.
Many of our choruses have similarities but no one has touched on any verse approach like my original one, which is a positive strong indicator to me.

I was mainly looking for that special perfect chorus. I haven't heard a verse that would make me pull mine., phrasing or lyrically... it's grabby with impact and angst & young people will get that right away. No one took a rhythmical approach.

Everyone went for a smooth melodic thing, which makes sense, but there's plenty of that to follow. Through your hands or fists in the air when you sing, attack with even a little rappers attitude, now & then. Thta's what I LOVE about the band Disturbed the singer is like a drummer, very rhythmical and musical.

The Song has to be cool in the first few seconds or forget about it Same goes for tag section. Love the word "Emergency" in this song...placed right.
One word sounding like it took 4 short words place

Our pre-choruses are also close to one anothers. I do like my opening line melody it's the end that's harder.

Yes It does set up a different lay out for the rest of the song. When I get this down to the final 3 selections I may sing you guys choruses and put it with my other sections. I still love your original chorus melodies and style. I can hear it in this as the sections go from angst to progressively softer and a bit nicer to the chorus.

Has anyone else worked off my added melodies?

On the last few days I would go on, nailing a chorus to go melodically with my 3 sections melodies. My pre-s can use smoothing, absence of the right lyric may be some of the trouble,
My verse sounds like a modern rock song, and thats what we are writing!

For the lyric minded see if you can write to my melodies, now you hear them so you know how they have to fit.... Not easy! but which way really is lol....

Mike: Here's a new version. I am still working the melody.Still not where it should be in my mind .I also redid the lyrics a bit. Gave it a little more interest I think. Hopefully its on its way to being more unforgettable.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=82303&songID=6366831