JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 43rd Lyric Post - "Let's Start Now" (Pop)

I have a melody for the Chorus that works, sadly not the verses. The Final Chorus is slightly different lyrically and will be sung higher than the previous w/the first line being dragged out, more dramatic and higher. Thanks for any thoughts!!
Update: Offering a 2nd optional bridge, please let me know which one you favor if you wouldn't mind and if you prefer the 2nd bridge do you like the "willing" or the "ready"??


“Let’s Start Now” (slow/mid-tempo Pop)
©2008 Lynn Orloff

You’ve been my friend and confidante’,
That someone I can trust,
We’ve shared the very best of times,
And we won’t give that up,
But you and I know this is going somewhere else for sure,
When love is all around us, it’s too hard to ignore...

Let’s start now,
We'll put aside pretenses,
Let’s start now,
We’ll tear down all these fences,
You’ve always been a touch away,
I think it's time, today’s the day,
We’ll let love show us how,
Baby let’s start now.

Yesterday has come and gone,
Tomorrow’s far away,
It’s time to let our hearts take charge,
There’s no more words to say,
It’s obvious that this has gone far past a friendship stage,
I know you feel the way I do, so help me turn the page..

Let’s start now,
We'll put aside pretenses,
Let’s start now,
We’ll tear down any fences,
You’ve always been a touch away,
I think it's time, today’s the day,
We’ll let love show us how,
Baby let’s start now.

Bridge:
There’s no time like the present,
And I don’t wanna wait,
We’ve kept our hearts on hold so long,
Why should we hesitate…

Let’s start now,
Let’s put aside pretenses,
Let’s start now,
We’ll tear down any fences,
You’ve always been a touch away,
The time is here, today’s the day,
We’ll let love show us how,
Baby let’s start now.

Final Chorus
LET'S....START....NOW, (MODULATION HERE)
We’ve waited for this moment,
Let’s start now,
It’s ours and we can own it,
Look into my eyes you’ll see,
The better part’s about to be,
We’ll let love show us how,
Just let love show us how,
Baby let’s start now.


2nd optional Bridge:

Crossing the line's never easy,
There's no going back once you do,
It's a chance that I'm willing/ready to take,
Please tell me that you're willing/ready too....

Let me begin
With Hello Lynn,

I like your words.
And a lot of people should be able to relate to these kind of thoughts.

These are cool lines..
It’s obvious that this has gone far past a friendship stage,
I know you feel the way I do, so help me turn the page..

All I have left to say
Is, have a sunny day

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Lynn,

This one has been done seven ways from Sunday, but you did a very good job on it. Applause for our lyrical lady... I hope you find your melody for the verses soon. Good luck with it.

Hi Lynn... :)mornin' ...

I think that... is a Strong Chorus......I think your first verse is set up nicely...and I love how you've separated your verse and chorus.... Think this is a great start....

I'm wondering...if the "Last" two lines of verse 2...progress the lyric or is it saying the same thing as verse 1. .. If they are kept as written..maybe remove the "that"...

Also wondering if bridge...is giving new information...or a slight turn..from what's been said previous to that....

best to you.....w hugs...
Kaley

P.S...I think this is a beautiful lead in line......
When love is all around us, it’s too hard to ignore...

Hi Lynn,

Well, I agree with everyone who's posted so far! This has a familiar sentiment and you write with a certain ease that shows up as it's read. I think some real pretty music would dress this up nicely. The bridge is what I would say to look at if I’m to add something constructive. I don’t know what I was expecting, (if anything), but I find myself wanting to sink my teeth into some juicy detail there…don’t know what exactly…or maybe a different time in their lives? Just thinking out loud...

Oh, and Lynn, look at the second to last line: ”Just let love just us how” typo there…I only point it out because it really interfered w/the end feeling there as my brain got befuddled!! Lol

Good luck with it!

Kristi

Hi Cal,

You always give your time and you always leave a rhyme,
May your Easter be sunny, and your Easter Eggs plenty!

Best,
Lynn

Hi Kaley,

A solid Chorus you say, well good because the Chorus is the centerpiece so it needs to be strong. I agree that certain lines don't advance the story but this is Pop and I'm not sure that's as much of an issue in this genre. You are correct that the bridge does not give new information and typically it should. I am wondering though what I could use here since the content of the lyric is very universal or general if you will??? I will have to think on that. Thanks Kaley!!

Best,
Lynn

I haven't seen what everyone else has said. In the last chorus I might say:

The BEST part is about to be

Hi John,

Thanks for stopping by this Easter weekend. It does sometimes frustrate me when I have the Chorus melody and I am happy w/it, but the verse melody is just not happening. Sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't. I will have to be patient and hope that something comes through.

Best,
Lynn

Hi Kristi,

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hadn't seen that error, so I will go now and fix it. It's funny because I did read it through after it was up and I still missed it. Don't want to "befuddle" you (love that word). Kaley also mentioned the bridge as possibly needing more umphf so I will think upon that. Have a blessed Easter!

Best,
Lynn

Hi Tricia,

Thanks for looking at this. I think in the sing (I have a melody for the Chorus) either what you offered or what I have both work, so I will keep your idea in mind as another option, so thank you.

Best,
Lynn

Hi Lynn,

This is a familiar tale, but I do like the sweet urgency you've conveyed -- (a combination one wouldn't expect!)

I'll have to chime in with everyone else...especially Calvin, who stole my favorite lines:

It’s obvious that this has gone far past a friendship stage,
I know you feel the way I do, so help me turn the page..

Personally, I'm also happy to see someone writing more than a few words per line -- no one seems to want to buy any of my "Syllables for Sale" (LOL) .....

As for the bridge, perhaps you could make it more of a global statement, rather than a specific incident of theirs? Such as:

Crossing the line's never easy
There's no going back once you start
But to let love slip away untested
Is unfair to the friend and the heart

Totally keep or sweep, as usual. I tend to get a lit poesy-ish, and I'm not sure how well it would fit with your POP version.

Good luck, and I look forward to hearing where this goes.

Ciao for now,
Beth

Hi Beth the wordsmith,

I always enjoy your posts. They are always witty, but usually have an offering to help improve a lyric as well. Guess what..I like your bridge idea. Actually I like the first two lines w/one small change to one word since they always say try to avoid the heart/apart rhyme so the heart/start rhyme also may not be encouraged so I thought maybe:

Crossing the line's never easy,
There's no going back once you do,
It's a chance that I'm willing/ready to take,
Please tell me that you're willing/ready too....

I may add it above as an optional bridge.


Thanks Beth and I hope you had a blessed Easter!!!

Best,
Lynn

Hi Lynn,

You've got so many good lines in this--it reminds me of an Emily Saliers lyric. (Indigo Girls)

I think the first verse is sooo good and sets up the song perfectly. "Pretenses" is a tough word in a lyric, but you've
made it work in this one. My favorite line is:

"You’ve always been a touch away"

I can't think of anything I'd like to see different, although
I think your regular chorus would work as well as an ending.

Really nice lyric, Lynn.

Diane

Hi Diane (fellow Pennsylvanian)

Nice mom and child smile! Thanks for your kind words. I sometimes like to switch up my final chorus alittle bit lyrically to say something new but the same chorus is always an option in any song. Hope you had a lovely Easter!

Best,
Lynn

I like the first bridge better. Ben

Here I go again showing my unstable ability to correct a lyric
Because I like it the way it is and in a pop version I can see nothing wrong with this ..I can't even nit pick it

Oh yeah I like the first bridge...lol
Peace Darlene

Hi Lynn

I honestly can't fault what you have done here, but I am on my "L"s with songwriting. What a fantastic job. I love it, to me it all fits nicely. I can't wait to hear this one Recorded.

All the best with it Lynn. 5 Stars!

Michele
Aussie girl from down under

Hi Lynn,

Nice work! Would be great to hear your melody ideas, Hope that mic set up works out.

Of course the melody and sound of the song is gonna play a huge roll in what works.

I like a lot of lines in here, but some words I would pull personally.

1) confidante - to hard a sounding word for me, and so early in the song.
not romantic or endearing.

2) pretenses - this one has the support of "fences" but again it's early in the chorus and is not such an everyday word.

I don't like it as much being first I thought switching them may be more effective.
Or take away what I call the "book kinda word" effect.

I like the action of tearing down fences" right after "Lets start now"

Let’s start now,
We’ll tear down all these fences,
Let’s start now,
We'll put aside pretenses
You’ve always been a touch away,
I think it's time, today’s the day,
We’ll let love show us how,
Baby let’s start now.

That's all that really felt awkward to me... It's like if you had more words like those in song it would be a better blend. So the "cofnidante" is the only thing that rally feels off to me..

Hi Mike,

Thanks for your critique and thorough going over. If "confidante" is not a fit for this here are 2 possible replacement options (keeping 8 syllables)

We've been the very best of friends

or

You always been my closest friend

On the "fences" line coming first, I agree and like that. On the "pretenses" line I am okay w/it in the lyric but another option could be:

Let's start now,
We'll tear down all these fences,
Let's start now,
Awaken all our senses,

Thoughts?

Best,
Lynn

Hi Darlene, (i love your "mclyrics" name )

No nits doesn't mean you have unstable ability, it just might mean you simply like the lyric as is and that's okay. We all have different tastes and preferences. Thanks for your visit and nice to meet you.

Best,
Lynn

Hi Michele,

Thanks for stopping by. Let's see if we can match those 5 stars w/a 5 star melody because therein lies whether it would ever get recorded or not. Thanks for your enthusiasm. Nice to meet you.

We're continents apart,
But joined by songwriting in the heart!

Best,
Lynn

Hi Ben,

I'm sorry I almost missed your post. Thanks for casting your bridge ballot. Like your new black and white photo.

Best,
Lynn