JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Dance In The Rain

Here's another mid-tempo country one from the writing team of Hopkins and Brown. See what you think....we both appreciate it.

Dance In The Rain © 2009 Janice Hopkins/Greg C. Brown

They walked up on our porch one Thursday night
Our young neighbor and his pretty wife
We were used to hearing all their heated spats
Said they needed good advice on getting past all that

Most everyday they see us hand in hand
And it’s sort of hard to understand
When we’re hammered by the sudden storms of life
How do we get through the thunderous lightning strikes

They wondered how to keep their wedded bliss
Was there a bigger picture they’d somehow failed to miss

We just smiled and said…..

Dance in the rain
Find the good times in the midst of pain
When hope is lost….search each other’s face
You’ll get it back again

Hold each other throughout the years
Forever dries a lot of tears
Look far beyond the clouds and share that pain
Learn to dance in the rain

We said that we’ve had lots of struggles too
Money, kids and jobs to name a few
But as the lights went out, the anger left our hearts
When the morning came again, we’d get another start

Life gets all tangled up in little things
But stumbling doesn’t mean you fall…it’s an awakening

So just….Repeat Chorus

Bridge:

That next week as showers soaked the ground
We saw them barefoot dancing round and round
With his shirt he softly wiped her face
They’d heard everything we’d had to say

We said….

Repeat Chorus:

Jan & Greg,
I really like them actually dancing in the rain at the end. It makes me think they're going to be just fine. Well done.

have fun,
John

Jan & Greg,

This is a very nice read! Great setting and a good story with lots of wisdom.

My favourite lines:

Forever dries a lot of tears
Look far beyond the clouds and share that pain
Learn to dance in the rain

Life gets all tangled up in little things
But stumbling doesn’t mean you fall…it’s an awakening

With his shirt he softly wiped her face
They’d heard everything we’d had to say

Only nit is the two verses and a lift/pre before the chorus. Can be a hard sell these days, as you also often need an instrumental hook in the intro, and the a&r guys are less than patient. But it's a hard bargain to trade meaning for commercial viability, right?

Great work!

Yeah we know that we took the scenic route to that chorus...but we didn't know how to truly lay out the story and visuals on this one in only 4 lines.....we will see how it goes.

Thanks so much, Mags. We're glad you liked it though.

Hi Janice and Greg

I just have a bump with this line

Was there a bigger picture they’d somehow >>>>failed to miss

they had somehow failed to GET

......... if they FAILed to miss the big picture>>> Then they Got it >>> is what this says.....

other than that it reads well !!

jm

Hi Jan,
Wow I really like the story in this one. I believe couples who have been married for many years can be a wealth of help to young couples. The only lines that didn't sound smoothly enough to me is:
When we’re hammered by the sudden storms of life
How do we get through the thunderous lightning strikes
I agree with the thought conveyed here and the imagery is great but maybe there is another way to massage it, or I could be way off.

BTW,I finally had time to join and I posted the outcome of your time and efforts on My Own Love Story. I hope you think it was worthwhile.
Thank you again,
Skip

Hey there Janice and Greg,

Hope this finds you doing well.

I really like the concept for this lyric.....and I think you have
some awesome lines in there:

*Find the good times in the midst of pain

*Life gets all tangled up in the little things
But stumbling doesn't mean you fall....it's an awakening

Wow!! Really great lines....and several more in there that I loved.

I see you've received a couple of suggestions that may help, and I don't see anything to add.....other than you have a very touching lyric, and I wish you the best with it.

Kind wishes,
Gail

Hey Jan and Greg...Very cute and tender...would not expect anything less from you guys..and livin in the Pacific Northwest we get good at dancin in the rain.


Larry

HiDee Mich-Sis & Bro Greg!

FINE Concept, GREAT Hook! Many a Loveable Line!

It's prolly the Pop Writer in Me, but I yearn for shorter/simpler Verse Lines here..Somehow.

"We were used to hearing all their heated spats/
Said they needed good advice on getting past all that"
Hmmmm....
Maybe: "We'd just heard them having Another Fight/
NOW here-they-were, hoping WE'd help make-things-right"

It's prolly Just Me again, but I'd steer shy of the phrase "wedded bliss". Unless I was bein'-sarcastic. It's never heard conversationally, UNLESS it's in-sarcasm. Or in Poetry.

"Money, Kids (Delete-and), Jobs..to name a few/
But as the lights went out, (Delete-the) anger left our hearts/
When (delete-the) morning came-again, we'd make another start"

Your "Life gets all tangled up" Couplet's a GEM! Ditto for Your BRIDGE--What a GREAT ENDING!!! KUDOS..K-O-Sweepos...& Good Luck with a FINE bitta Writing & Plotline Gang!

Big Hugs,
BB Stan

Jan and Greg,

Really like the story in your song.

I loved the lines in the bridge.

Geneva

HI,

Really like the title and the full lyric.

Well done guys

Alan

Well..thank you John...We appreciate that alot....glad you liked the bridge.

Whew! Finally one that you like with my name on, John....LOL

No really...thanks for stopping by and giving it your time.

John

Thanks Mags,

Glad you liked the writing on this. Greg is a master at tightening up my starts, believe me.

So happy that it works for you.

We appreciate your comments for sure.

Jan

Hi Joice,

Now I understand why that line just didn't sit completely right with me, but I couldn't figure it out. Thanks so much for pointing to that. That should be an easy fix.

Thanks so much...it is appreciated by both of us.

jan

Hi Skip,

Glad you finally joined. Thanks for giving this a read....the lines in question my work better for you if you could hear the melody I have for it, floating in my head. Hope we can find someone to put that to music soon....then I hope you will come back and listen. We sooo appreciate you taking the time.

Jan

Gail,

Thanks so much..glad you like it...you are a great writer IMO...so your words mean alot.

So appreciate that you stopped by on this.

Jan

Thanks Larry....glad you got it on some level...I always appreciate your comments....well....most of the time...HA

Talk to ya r.e. the pop song soon.

Jan

Hey there Bro,

Thanks so much for the great suggs.and encouragement as always. When Greg and I get to tweaking this, you can be sure that we will be taking your ideas very seriously indeed. You always have some great ones...that make me see things in yet another light. Thanks for that...

Have an outstanding hot day down there...it is actually about 90 degrees here in the north now as well....Whew!....not used to it anymore...since I lived near Orlando.

Bye for now...take care...

Jan

Jan:

Another great song of resolve overcoming obstacles. Song could serve as marriage counselor and save folks the cost of professionals. Did this really happen to neighbors of yours? And is the rain dance real? With all the rain we have had here in the midwest this year it wouldn't be too hard to accomplish. This could end up putting a smile on a lot of faces.

Peace,
Brian

Oh, I see it now!! I read through this three times before I finally started to read some responses. Something wasn't right and I couldn't quite figure it out. Thank you Joice! That's exactly what it is, that one line, and I see Jan had an issue with it too, so I see it will be fixed for those of us who failed to miss the point, lol!!!

Love the story, wish you could compact it a touch, sounds like a slow to mid tempo, but at this rate, may have to be uptempo to get it all in. We'll see, mayube I'm just reading slower than usual.

Janice and Greg,

Two of my favorite wirters...together! I can't add much to what has already been said. Mostly because there's nothing to complain about! this is really tight. You guys did a knock-out job on this.

One of my fearest friends from my book-writing side recently wrote a novel called "Dance In The Rain". The story is not similar at all. I just thought it a real coincidence that two of my favorite writers, one lyrical, one novelist, come up with the same title on a piece of artistic work. Both pieces are excellent!

Good luck with this, guys!

Alan

I like this because I get to say that I think this is two lines from perfect

Most everyday they see us hand in hand
And it’s sort of hard to understand

I suggest you get rid of these two lines
When we’re hammered by the sudden storms of life
How do we get through the thunderous lightning strikes

and move directly into this nugget of a couplet.

They wondered how to keep their wedded bliss
Was there a bigger picture they’d somehow failed to miss

Hi John. Looks like I'm late to my own party! Mine and Janice's, that is.

I'll start with your comment because what you suggested is precisely what we sort of did at first. It was me who thought that since the title/hook/chorus dealt with rain and clouds that there should be some sort of brief reference in the beginning to set that whole premise up. But since you've suggested leaving out those two lines, I'm wondering now if it is necessary to set it up at all. No one else has suggested that, except maybe Magne, who thought two verses and the lift might be a bit much, but I'd be curious what others think, that is, if out lyric hasn't worn out its welcome.

Thanks for your thoughtful insight and encouragement. We really do appreciate it.

Greg

Hi Magne. Thanks for the warm and friendly comments. Not that I'm keeping count, but Jan deserves all the credit for those lines you cited as favorites. I think they're terrific, too. I only wrote some of the other cool ones .

Interesting point you make about the two verses plus the lift before the chorus. I confess I'm not up on many of the do's and don'ts these days as far as what is accepted or preferred by A&R types. It is our thought, however, that the right tempo given to this song will address any concerns about getting to the hook quick enough.

Thanks for giving this one a few minutes of your time. From a great musician such as you, we really appreciate it.

Greg

Hi Joice. Nice catch on that offending line. Jan and I tweaked this one quite a bit before posting, but somehow that line got over tweaked to the point of really confusing everything else. What we really meant to say there was:

"...bigger picture they somehow SEEMED to miss." Ahh, changes everything, doesn't it?

Thank you for the visit and the kind words. They mean a lot coming from such a fine wordsmith as you.

Greg

Skip, Gail and Larry. Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement. It's been a lot of fun writing with Janice, and your warm comments only go to show I'm not wasting my time, and I hope she's not wasting hers either.

Greg

Stan, the man!! Always good to hear from you. As usual, you make some good points and suggestions. Our respective head tunes seem to dictate that we keep the extra verbiage and syllable counts as we have them, but it won't be the first time that, once a composer gets a hold of it, some of your edits may very well be employed. Guess we'll have to wait and see on that.

I'm thrilled that you like this one over all, though. Jan comes up with great song ideas. I'm just fortunate enough to be able to throw a few verbs and nouns into the mix and see if a song comes out of it.

Thanks for being a longtime JPF friend and supporter!

Greg

Geneva and Alan (spidey):

Thank you both for taking the time to check this lyric out. We're glad it seemed to connect with you.

We sure do appreciate the visit.

Greg

Hi Brian. I'm not sure this came from any real life people Jan knows, but for my part, it describes a situation that I'm sure many people can identify with. Most married couples struggle with everything from money to jobs to children. The secret is to not let those things get you too bogged down. Unfortunately, that's just what does happen to so many folks. This song is an attempt to say that it's possible to find something good in an otherwise dark and stormy day.

I like the idea of the song being a sort of marriage counselor. I'm not sure it would put counselors out of business, but some of the lyrics might look good embroidered and framed on the wall of a doctor's office.

Thanks for the visit and kind words.

Greg

Caroline. Thanks for the visit and the thoughts. Yeh, that one line that Joice pointed out really kind of trips you up, doesn't it. I think we can take care of that easily enough.

We'll look at the possibility of compacting it, as you say. We feel, though, that we needed to get in some of those thoughts in the first two verses to set the stage, but who knows. John made one suggestion we could consider, but with the right tempo, I think we can get to the point quick enough without too much trouble.

Thanks for the support.

Greg

Alan,

You are too kind, my friend, but don't let that stop you from saying nice things about us. I know your time is limited these days, so Jan and I are truly grateful that you graced us with your presence here.

That's a great story about your novelist friend writing a book with the same title. I'd love to read it sometime. Another of our JPF friends has also written a lyric with this same title, so it appears great minds do think alike.

We are thrilled that you like everything about this lyric. Coming from a talented writer and musican such as you, your encouragement means more than you know.

Greg (and Jan - I think she would agree)

Are we caught up, Jan?

Yeah...Greg...I think we are caught up. Thanks for holding down the fort this week-end while I was up to my guitar in concerts and open mics....thanks for that.

And thanks again to all of you for commenting on Greg's and my latest project that we hope to get tightened up and set to music soon.

Working with Greg has been so easy....we seem to get where the other is coming from....while bringing different ideas to the table that makes the other think....hmmmmm....that could work. That give and take is what a successful collab is all about....along with dependability....which is always there in Greg....hopefully in me as well. We have been blessed to work with an outstanding composer or two or three....and we will get music to this hopefully so that you can all listen to it soon.

I do have a melody to this...if I am able to get it across.

Thanks again to everyone who has given their time to listen.

Jan

Hi Janice and Greg,

It's funny, just on the heels of telling Stan about a depressing article I read yesterday on the incredible number of marriages with a bunch of years under their belts falling part, I read THIS lyric... and it makes me feel better too!

BUT, that article aside, this has a nice homespun feel to it, and the advice doesn't come across as too hokey. I love the Dancing In The Rain -- metaphorically and literally.... and it's nice to think of neighbors being so open and genuine with each other.

Couple of favorite lines:

Forever dries a lot of tears

But as the lights went out, the anger left our hearts
When the morning came again, we’d get another start

I think you could probably tighten it up a bit in parts, and I'm not so sure about the imagery in the second verse. How about something like:

They always saw us hand in hand
Hoped we'd help them understand
How to brave the storms of life
And rise above the noise and strife

Those might be a little cliche....but reading over some of the other posts, it appears you're tackling those lines already.

All in all, a very nice sentimental piece.

I look forward to hearing it with musication!

Beth

Well Beth...thanks so much for the kind words of encouragement and for taking the time to read and make good suggestions. It is so very appreciated...been pretty busy today...just posted one on the mp3 board called Story of Her Life...listen if you get a chance.

thanks, Beth...hope you are doing well.

Jan

awesome write guys..love the forever dries a lot of tears..strong chorus and very nice ending..got me wanting to dance in the rain myself =)

Brandon....hi and how are you....hope school and life in general is going well for you.

Thanks so much for the thumbs up on this one. We're happy that you took the time to look it over for us....glad you liked that line. We were hoping that line would speak loudly.

Glad that it did...for you. We appreciate that.

Jan