JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 If You Loved Me

This song came about in a roundabout sort of way. I started out thinking about my new kitty, Hope, and how someone could just "throw her out" like she was yesterday's news...then my thoughts turned to my ex-bf and his affair with my neighbor...and how all throughout he kept lying to me and telling me he loved me. So, here's the final product, after 3 years of getting over him, I was able to write about it:

If You Loved Me
Copyright 2010 by Polly Hager

Vs. 1
Another cold, dark morning, I open up your phone
Guess you must have dropped it in your hurry leaving home
Messages she sent you left me nothing more to doubt
She moved into your heart and cast me out.

Vs. 2
I stare up at the ceiling, it seems so hard to breathe
Shock upon my tear-soaked face as you walk up to me
You refuse to look at me, you won't admit the truth
All I hear you say is "I love you."

Chorus
If you loved me...
You wouldn't lie straight to my face knowing my pain
You wouldn't keep me in your cruel cold-hearted game
If you loved me...
You wouldn't raise your hand to me ready to strike
You wouldn't treat me like your love comes with a price

If you loved me...
Honey, there's nothing you wouldn't sacrifice.

Vs. 3
Nothing could have ever made me strong enough for this
My whole world is dying and my heart's a sinking ship
Nothing left inside me I'm just empty and alone
She's got you and I am on my own.

Vs. 4
Once a heart is broken it will never really mend
Nothing's left between us and I won't trust you again
Wish I'd known what I know now, It's hard to see the truth
You're lying when you're saying "I love you".

Chorus:
If you loved me...
You wouldn't lie straight to my face knowing my pain
You wouldn't keep me in your cruel cold-hearted game
If you loved me...
You wouldn't raise your hand to me about to strike
You wouldn't treat me like your love comes with a price

If you loved me...
Honey, there's nothing you wouldn't sacrifice.

Bridge
It's so hard to understand
How things got this way
Someone else just comes along
And takes my world away
I ask you for answers
You've nothing to say
That's not love....no, that's not love.

Chorus:
If you loved me...
You wouldn't lie straight to my face knowing my pain
You wouldn't keep me in your cruel cold-hearted game
If you loved me...
You wouldn't raise your hand to me about to strike
You wouldn't treat me like your love comes with a price

If you loved me...
Honey, there's nothing you wouldn't sacrifice,
No, there's nothing that you wouldn't sacrifice.

Hmm, I thought you were saying in another thread that writing lyrics was pretty easy compared with the difficulties involved in putting together the music side of things.

But now we learn that you had to suffer the heartache of infidelity and betrayal, threats of violence (or was it actual?) and years of mental turmoil in order to write this song.

Some contradiction there, perhaps? ;-)

Anyway, I really like the look of this one. It seems a little long, but that's possibly because you've repeated the chorus in full rather than just writing 'Repeat chorus' (which is what I do - saves paper too).

I certainly hope that writing the music for this isn't more of an ordeal. I look forward to hearing it.

Thanks, Steve! I have the melody in my head, been singing it to myself, will record it when I get the chance. Actually, I might hit my buddy Haze up to help me with the melody, "vamp it up a bit" as he's the melody maker. Yes, it's a true story...sadly enough, but I think that's why when I do write, it often comes easily to me. I'm simply reliving something that happened in real life.

Hey Polly,

Personal songs are always the way to go -- as long as you make them "personal" to other listeners, and I think you do that here. I think you should move from a verse 3 and 4 to just a verse 3, it will cut down the length a little and focus your word choices a little bit.

Vs. 3
Nothing could have ever made me strong enough for this
My whole world is dying and my heart's a sinking ship
Nothing left inside me I'm just empty and alone
She's got you and I am on my own.

Vs. 4
Once a heart is broken it will never really mend
Nothing's left between us and I'll never trust again
Wish I'd known what I know now, It's hard to see the truth
You're lying when you're saying "I love you".

could be reduced to

Vs. 3
Nothing could have ever have prepared me for this
My whole world is dying, my heart's is sinking
Once a boat takes on water and goes to the bottom
the sunlight it saw, the breeze in its rigging
... is quickly forgotten

... or something like that.

Kevin

Polly your Ex sounds like a dick. At least something good came out of the whole episode and this song started to take shape.

I can really hear a big rock track while reading it and I can't wait to hear it when it's done. If you need any shreding I'm your man

Rgds
Andy

Polly,

I'm sorry for your pain, I've been there before, but girl you wrote one he** of a song here.

I can hear a melody in my head can't wait to hear what yours will be, if in fact it is anything like I hear.

This is a really good one here.

Dawny

Hi P,

Sorry to hear of unhappiness.
But it did bring you a cool song.
A gree it might need to be shortened a bit, but very nicely done.

C

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Kevin, I'll try to combine the sentiments of vs. 3 and vs. 4 to shorten it.



Andy, YOU ROCK! Yes, he was a dick! I've been single for 3 years because of the damage he did, but I never settled for anyone like him again. Maybe I'm TOO choosy, but you know what? Being true to myself feels pretty good!

Dawny, thank you! I shed a few tears today, but when it was all done I felt "purged" and clean.

Calvin, thank you! See note to Kev as far as length.

Awesome Polly,

The best way to move on is to let it out, stomp on it, yell it, sing it and them move on after the applause...

Tammy

Three years and ten thousand tears later you can finally voice what that cell phone deleted from your life. One must be sure their sins will find them out, even today with modern technology that old bible verse comes back to haunt, great write, sorry for your pain...~~~MFB III

Hi Polly,

I agree with the other comments it's a very nice lyric. Also I do believe writing it down helps to get it out and move on

Dottie

Very nice lyric here, and I'm glad for several things....
That you're outta there - painful as it was -
That you haven't settled since
That you're purging, cleansing, & healing
That you're on JPF with a place to share!
That you're finally able to write about it

::hugs!!::

I actually like both 3 & 4 and I'm always saying "tighten" -- but if this is a fast-paced rock song the length won't be as much an issue as if this were a ballad.

Also - you tell a solid visual story here.

I have a close close friend in Missouri whose hubby passed away suddenly in a car crash and THEN three days later she found junk like this -- just like that -- flipping open the phone, etc.
It was awful.
Good thing @that point he was already gone or she'd'a killed him I think. SO sad.
You & my friend Tammy would get along like bffs I betcha.

Andy, tell it like it is. & Shred for her, man!!

Best hopes for recording it soon!


Linda

Tam,thank you, as a big fan of you, I appreciate the look/see!

MFB...I almost committed suicide over this...you have no idea. I am so grateful that I DIDN'T...and I found a place like this, and an outlet for my pain. I've had a lot of good times here, but this is also family to me, and when it was time to let the tears drop, this is where I needed to be.

Thank you, Dottie! I appreciate your look/see and will look for your songs.

Linda, you and I have become buddies effortlessly, and I thank you so much for your support. Love ya, Sis!

Polly, Boy, those lyrics are ripped from the heart. You've got great imagery and meter. I haven't seen many of your songs posted here. But this one is impressive. Good job.

Thanks, Dan! It's awesome to have a place where I feel comfortable enough to share not only my silly and fun moments, but those of deepest pain.

Hi Polly,

I'll second Andy's statement that he sounds like a... well, you know I like to think I'm somewhat of a lady... lol!!

Believe me, you're not alone. But, as they say, let's raise our glasses and drink a toast to the men who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky ******* who get to meet us!

Nicely done, Polly.

Heather

Polly..

sorry,thought I'd commented on this one..but anyway, I am now...what a beautiful lyric you have here, can't wait to hear you sing it and turn it into the hit it deserves to be..but no one but you could sing this one and give it justice.....love it..glyn

I hate that this happened for sure, amd I'm glad you wrote it to get it out and help you heal.

And normally I'm not a big fan of these types of songs because I think songs should be uplifting in some way, not sad...but you've made it work. Maybe because you don't come off here as weak. In fact, after a re read...that's probably it. Sad and weak is a loser. Sad but still strong is resilient.

HEAR!! HEAR!! HEATHER....SALUTE......SHOTS ON THE HOUSE AND SHUG A LUG..(if I spelled that right) anyway, bottoms up..and I do mean the glasses...or do I.....glyn

Polly,
I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE STILL WITH US.

Thank GOODNESS for support systems that work.... whew....
JPF is awesome for that fo' sho'.

You could probably befriend anyone effortlessly, m'dear.

You're a gem: I'm so glad you pulled through this gut-wrenching trial and are on the other end now shining, and able to put it behind you and sing about it.

Linda

Cheers, Heather! *clinks wine glass*

Thanks, Sister G! I've got a melody, might just get to record it at Haze's tomorrow *fingers crossed*

Yeah John, I'm with ya. I'm normally not a big fan of sad songs too, but this one is where I'm actually calling him out on it, and yes, that's strength.

Linda, you, Glyn, and all my other friends here at JPF have meant so much to me. I've grown as a musician and as a person.

Oooh I hope you get to record it.
Yes, it shows strength.



Linda

Polly you go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love this.....and I can feel and have felt every word...been there, done that, and won't or never will go back....

when you've been broken and beaten blue and black


you learn and grow and won't go back

Can't wait to hear you singing it and i'm sure there will be tears in da house.......glyn

Say Polly,what a great song!Heartaches can write a damn good song can't they.I've listened to you on soundclick and you have a cool voice.I was hearing Lucinda Williams singing this until i heard how you sound.Awesome!

I can't wait to hear this Polly. I've had another read through and it gets better and better the more I read it. I love songs that are so personal that they actually effect the listener/reader and makes them feel some of the emotion that the writer was going through.

Even if you sang this over a wall of feedback it would still be great so whatever you eventually come up with is going to be awesome.

Rgds
Andy

Very Strong & Powerful Write, Mz P!

As a guy who's had lovers in the past...YET has settled-down & tried HARD to be worthy of Monogamy..I both wanna defend the Offender, yet don't condone the hint of his Violence one-bit.

AM truly sorry his infidelity pushed ya to the brink of suicide, too...NO Guy's worthy of THAT sacrifice. (Or Gal..for that matter.) YOU gotta keep-on keepin'-on..& the SOONER You start Living WELL again, the Sooner ya GOT that "Best Revenge".

Sad to hear it's taken 3 years...AND "You're Still Lookin'".
(I don't think when a guy cheats he INTENDS to inflict this kinda Damage to ya...in fact, he never EXPECTS you to ever find out.) In Europe, an Affair is viewed as something a successful man acquires as a "Perk" to a life well-lived. In America, it's a Hanging Matter & let's get the Lawyers involved.

Which is probably "Why" 55% of US Kids are raised in Single Parent Families these days. & JMO, but That's Who Suffer The Most...the kids. (With that in mind..AND realizing Yeah, I'd probably end up losing the woman I DID truly wanna go thru life with..I changed my ways..over a Decade Ago.)

Stats say "75% of Married Men Cheat." So...I wish ya luck at finding that 25% bunch that are eligible for Sainthood..tho they may mostly be shy of the "Hunk" Factor that you gals find so-attractive.

Back to Your Lyric: V1, yep..He's BUSTED...& I DO feel your Betrayal. (Yet I question, immediately, Singer's ASSUMING her rival's "Won His Heart COMPLETELY" and her Giving-Up On-The- Spot, No Further Discussion.)

V2: Hmmmm...OK.."He's Toast". Singer ISN'T listening to His Side of The Story, (Pathetic as it may be.) (Been there..fortunately..Survived It.)

CHORUS:
Fine Hook. (You're GOOD at those Interrogative Hooks!)
Next Couplet: Yeah, he's a dick. BEST to tell the truth, even when it hurts. (& sometimes Infidelity's not a game..it's a Wake Up Call...);-)>
Next Couplet: Like I said, I don't condone Violence of any kind in a relationship..not exactly sure of what "price" you're referring-to/there's considerable "give-&-take" in all relationships.
Last Line: OK..that hits Right-Between-The-Eyes, & (Not Begrudgingly) I will Agree Witcha.

V3: My Sympathy for The Singer grows-steadily.

V4: While I DO feel for The Singer's plight, NOW I feel "She's Overreacting". (Partly because I KNOW it's possible for a man to love MORE than one woman at a time, partly because I know "She'll get over it.") Partly because, yeah, I'm in the 75% Sample & am probably still a dick, at-heart..tho-reformed.

BRIDGE: Hmmm... As a Guy listening to this, I wanna shout "BUT I DO Have 'Something to Say' but it's NOT Being Listened-TO"...(While, OK..With Her Impeccable Logic, She's Right/Accept the fact You're Toast/Time to Move-On.)

All-in-all, a Great Gal's-Eye-View of Dealing With Infidelity, American-Style. I penned the Answer Song to it a while-ago, "I Never Thought I'd Get Caught"/& yep, I've done a fair share of Penance in my own relationship.

Good Luck with this..Hope it's been theraputic AND makes ya a Bundle (I guess the rat deserves it/you've earned it) & I'm eagerly awaiting hearing the Finished Product.

Best Wishes & Big Understanding Hugs,
Stan

Stan, Unless I've misread you, your forthright defense of the cad who betrayed Polly seems based on these arguments:

1. A man is capable of loving more than one woman. And a woman needs to understand and work around that.

2. Under European custom a successful man is entitled to cheat on his lover or wife.

3. Polly's ex-paramour probably didn't intend to hurt her when he cheated on her. (not withstanding his callow indifference to the pain it would cause when it was discovered.)

4. Most men are cads. Everyone does it.

5. Cheating is ok because a woman will get over it (except, perhaps for your current lover, who's apparently made it clear that she won't put up with it).

It's a remarkable argument, one entirely devoid of any appeal to human decency or morality. I'm not sure the Devil himself could have made a more stirring defense. I congratulate you on your honesty and courage.

But if I were you, I'd duck now.

HiYa Bro Dan.

I backed up my chat with Statistics.

I'm far from callow...no, I rather love being in-love/admit to making mistakes/AND learning from them.

Oh, and women are capable of loving more than one man, too. (Surprise-Surprise!)

New Reality Program on TV's this guy married to a gal AND her 3 Sisters..WANTING to marry yet-another gal. Check it out.

Biblically, there are a LOT of Polygamists living-just-fine in Utah..etc. (Not even all Christians go-along with Monogamy.)

Me, I do. Now. My Lover's My Wife/never DID stop loving her (& that's the truth..& MOB)..but...what works for One Couple may well NOT work for Another.

I'll let you do the Math...I was faithful the first 13 years..and the last 13+...& married for 40 now. I'm neither proud-of..nor devastated-by..my behavior. I'm a pretty AVERAGE Guy..& apparently not a Saint like Yourself.

But..I am an Honest Guy as-well. Love means different things to different people. Study Up...& Good Luck/Best Wishes,
Stan

Lin and Glyn...I have this melody....

Which brings me to ANDY...wonder if you'd care to work on it with me? I'll pm you.

rockin m, I'm flattered that you compared it to Lucinda...she's awesome!

Stan, I'm sure many men would share your opinion...there are some that would not. From day one in this relationship, all I asked of Robin was that he was always honest with me and that if he ever found someone else, that he would tell me first and let me leave with my dignity. I want monogamy in a relationship and I look for a partner who wants the same. He was well aware of this. Quite simply, he wanted his cake and eat it too. But he was also growing cruel and distant and I knew something was up. He called me "crazy" and made me feel so low, yet never wanted to stop having sex with me. There is no reason for someone to torture someone else like that.

There is only one me. I deserve to be loved wholeheartedly for who I am. I deserve to be treated well, to be told the truth, to be adored, to be cherished. A man can have me, or have the rest of the world...his choice. If he chooses me, I will lavish love and affection on him like he's never known. I don't give a man a reason to stray. BUT, that's also because he has to be my best friend, and best friends strive to be honest with eachother and treat eachother well.

I am a deep person, and most men are afraid of that. The one who isn't will be the one that's right for me.

Dan, I agree that the Devil himself couldn't have presented a better arguement than Stan...I don't think Stan has the capacity to see love the way I do. That's no slam on him, just an observation.

POLLY-POLLY--

TIS AN ATTENTION GETTER FOR SURE--

I LOVE:
If you loved me...
You wouldn't lie straight to my face knowing my pain
You wouldn't keep me in your cruel cold-hearted game

WRITE ON GIRL--

Mackie

I'd love to as I'm a big fan of your songs so just PM me with any ideas you might have and I'll see what I can come up with. I actually started to write something with this song in mind last night.

Rgds
Andy

Hey Polly,
It sucks that you had to go through this to get to a song. I've had so many songs that I've not finished from past experiences I don't care to relive. I guess I could suck it up and get them done though, if you can do it, we all should try.

Thanks for sharing, and I see Andy is getting on this one, can't wait to hear the end result.

MACKIE! Thank you, sir! I like those lines too. At the risk of sounding like a "victim", I'm sure anyone who's ever been deeply in love knows how easy it is to let the other person manipulate you into staying.

Andy, sent you a pm!

Caroline, thank you! Love your new avatar! Yes, I shed quite a few tears over this one, but I feel it was worth the pain.

I'm with Andy on this one. The guy sounds like a real dick. I recently got a dear John email after 20 years and I've been writing about it a lot. Some songs; some poems; it helps and I'm sure that I am a long way from over it but the road to healing is a long one if there was any love there at all.

I love the lyric and can feel/sense the anguish. I can relate in an offhand kind of way. I'm gonna go check out your SC site and see if it's up there.

Kudos to ya and it takes time. Hang tough and never settle. Your heart deserves better.

I wrote this poem for people like that

Monkey Business

No more monkey business 'cause I'm finished with you
I've got no axe to grind and I've got nothing else to prove
I'm tired of payin' fifty dollars for your penny point of view
I've got everything to gain and I've got nothing left to lose

Head out to the highway and let your engine sing
Take your fancy watches and your diamond wedding ring
You tell me that you love me then you're nasty and you're mean
When it's all said and done... you haven't said or done a thing

Now it's lights out... nobody's home
Find some other fool who wants to carry your load
Take your weight off of my shoulders... get your monkey off my back
'Cause I'm rollin' down the road and I'm never lookin' back

Later rockin' lady,
Danny

Hi Danny! Yes, it sounds like you can relate! It's not up on my SC Page yet because I'm still working out the music. Liked what you penned...she sounds like a real user!

Hi Polly,
Yeah, she went over to Iraq to work as a defense contractor and was there for about 3 years. After she had been there about a year and a half she stopped communicating with me unless she needed something. I found out about a month ago that she is now married and living in Kathmandu, Nepal.

I've written a few songs about it and will probably write a few more before it's all said and done.

Something a fellow writer told me to do is to pack up her bags that she left in my heart and write her on down the road. It probably isn't good to air out my life in your thread. I still get choked up once in a while but it mostly pisses me off anymore. I felt like a fool for a while but you can never really know exactly what is in the heart, mind, and soul of another. That is where trust comes in or goes out.

Peace be with you lady,

Danny

Danny, please FEEL FREE to vent here! I actually APPRECIATE IT!

EVERYONE ELSE...PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO THE SAME!

I'll tell you some more "gems" about this story:

Theresa used to stop by my house when she knew I was working and Robin was at home...so, they were having this affair in MY HOUSE, and at the same time, she was always asking me for money because she had been fired from her job and was very "depressed".

EVERYONE IN TOWN knew he was with her...BUT ME! I'd go into the local convenient store or bar, and heads would hang and shake. No one would make eye contact. It was really awful! ALL THE TIME HE KEPT SAYING "It's all in your head, I'm not cheating on you" and then be gone all night.

It doesn't matter now. What matters now is that I value ME and I'm meeting some really cool people who also value ME! I value them as well. I am letting it go, but not without a specific detail of what went on!

Polly:
Really heartfelt lyrics here, this should defintely work with a proper melody. Just a couple of small nits that jumped out at me. In V1, line 4, I'm wondering why you used "she moved in your heart" instead of "she moved into your heart". In V4, line 2, I would have phrased it "nothings left between us and I won't trust you again". It's this jerk in specific that won't be trusted, and I would hope you eventually find someone who is worth trusting.
Can't wait to hear the song!
Ott (AKA "The Troll")

Thank you Ott, and I agree with both of your nits. Will change the lines now. LOL @ the "troll" thing!

Hi Polly,

Hey it looks like I'm a late comer to this one. I gotta tell you they say that some of the best songs come from personal experience--and while I'm sorry you had to go thru this before you could write this song--it is one of your best. I originally thought it was a bit on the long side--but that's only cause there's a 4th verse. That being said it fits in well with the story. I know they tell us to shoot for around 3:30 give or take. So depending on the melody you have it might be just fine time wise. Everything else about it is great. nice metrics, great feelings nice flow. You've got a great one here--just sorry what you had to go thru to get it done. Take care,
Roger

Hiya Polly, just catching up on this one again! (bump!)

OK I'm going to say something....
As a -- ahem -- MORMON -- um, I just want to CLARIFY something Stan brought up re: Polygamy and UTAH.

(grumble) (I get so sick of this, sorry Polly, temporarily hijacking!!)

It may be that everybody knows the difference--
--but Just In Case:
There are NO MORMONS practicing polygamy and HAVE NOT BEEN since 1888.

The odd-ducks in St. George or wherever that practice it are NOT Mormons and we don't condone what they do, either, in any way shape or form.

If anyone is found in the Church seeking to or practicing polygamy it is grounds for excommunication. PERIOD.


Sorry, I'm just sick & tired of "Utah" "Mormon" AND "Polygamy" all being synonymous. They are not.

OK stepping off my Soapbox. Thanks

Linda

...That all said, I have often thought that polygamy is not a half-bad idea for people, say, like.... Stan.

::snicker::

Linda

All right, I now return you to your regularly scheduled program....

OK..OK..I Get It! (For the Record, Mz Linda, My Grandma Good..& Her Kin (The Heacocks) was/were MORMONS. The Good Kind! (No pun intended.) I distinctly did NOT mention Mormons in my li'l Soliloquy. Think most ALL the Pre-NT Christians WERE Polygamists & THEY weren't shipped off to Hell in a Handbasket.

WERE THEY?

Back to penning "DEMONS" tonight/&..take a peek at "COMPARISON SHOPPING" at Bd 2. (Sorry..that's TWO Thread Hijackings in a ROW!)

Big Hasty Exit + Hugs,
Stan

Okay, Okay, Stan!!

Thank you and I'm glad to know you know the difference.

I know you didn't use the word, but "Utah" and "Mormon" are SO often thought of as the same thing (tho Utah is only 40% Mormon at this time last I checked), I wanted to clarify.

Yes: it's true we accept as doctrine that plural marriage is an "eternal principle" - meaning acceptable in heaven - but also, not necessary for us to practice now (not even in countries that do allow it: it's wholesale, just not done anymore, since 1888). Part of the reasoning was, actually, to "restore all things" as they were at the beginning.

So, right: all the pre-NT prophets etc are goin' to heaven just fine. With all their gals

Kinda chuckling you have Mormon relatives watchin' over you from above!! Hee hee hee.

Again Polly, deepest apologies for the thread hijack.

Stan, I'll check those two lyrics. Been too busy to visit the boards for a week or so.

Linda