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TV Drama
by Raymond Byabazaire - 08/31/26 09:46 AM
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,134 Likes: 10
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OP
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Posts: 2,134 Likes: 10 |
A little number I wrote about being out of touch. http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=10692074&q=hi "Falling off the earth" Trouble's on the phone- Big voice,tiny speaker- I know I'm not alone- Connection's getting weaker- I've been gone so long, falling off the earth- My work here is done- I built myself a shipwreck- Sinking like the sun- Clinging to the pieces- I've been gone so long, falling off the earth ....again. (solo) I've been gone so long, falling off the earth- Flotsam on the sea- Drifting and I'm aimless- No one looks for me- The solitude is painless- I've been gone so long, falling off the earth...............again. I have always loved the song,but it needs to be re-recorded somehow without any loss of four track vibe.
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Wait a tick...did I post this here before?....hope not.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
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Hi Mac
Love the groove on it ! The sound has a cool vibe over all --- don't know how to produce that -- except here's a recent thought I had about recording --- I always sit with the mic in a certain direction (for convenience) but realistically if I were playing in a studio - my instruments would be set up in Different spots (directions) for sound pick up.....
I also like the lyric though I did want a rhyme here....
My work here is done-
I built myself a shipwreck-
Sinking like the sun-
Clinging to the pieces-
How about
Clinging to the BOAT DECK
as usual you vocals are great -- your songs often give me a Sting vibe --- and that's one of the Highest compliments that I can pay.
Have a nice day
jm
Last edited by Joice Marie; 05/28/11 10:25 AM.
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 28
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 28 |
Mac, very cool song man! Elements of jazz and funk blend together seemlessly. Some solid off the wall songwriting too. I would like to see this performed live for sure. I also think the addition of electric guitar could give the arrangement some depth.
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 379
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What a cool song with a cool vibe! I wish my 4-track ventures had sounded this good, honestly  I thought the lyrics were well-written and the song was catchy and had a Sting vibe to me. I'm with Joyce. I'd change the last line of the second verse to be "clinging to the boat deck" or something to rhyme with "shipwreck" in the second line. You seem to have a rhyme scheme set in all other parts of the song, so I thought it'd be good to be consistent. Otherwise great song. I enjoyed my listen!
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
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Mac
COOL--I FEEL THE SAME--CLOSE YOUR EYES--EVERYTHING CHANGES, WHEN YOU OPEN THEM!
MAYBE THE EARTH ISN'T REALLY ROUND ANYMORE!
I LIKE IT--2 THUMBS UP--
Mackie
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
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I have to agree with everyone, it sounds very cool! It has such a great feel to it, it just take you away. I love it. Dottie
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Hi Joice!!...how you bean? anyway...about the "boat deck" line,I make an effort not to be married to rhyme. If the line wants to go in an "implied" direction,with a SLIGHT phonetic match...I let it. There is a danger zone with rhyming,where the lyric takes a different tack and feel when forced to rhyme. The suggestion would "work"...but to me.."work" is less than natural. I am happy to have so much support for the babies I favor also. Thank you. just wait 'till I get my gear sorted out.... 
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Nick,
There is some electric flavor there..I just pulled it back and the mix spoke to me as much as it could,being four bounced tracks.I did leave the electric solo though.
Funk and jazz are where I come from early on...and did I say I admire your work?
that was an oversight eh?....
Thank you.
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Ann,
Wow...STING?...I have heard "the police" over the years,but not straight up STING....
I thank you all for that.
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Mackie,
heh heh...thanks man
Dottie,
"takes you away"?....well don't fall off the earth.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 798
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Nice hooky tune. From the first measure made me think of Steely Dan and that vibe was followed through on the vocals/solos as well. So don't be afraid to lose a little of the 4-track vibe. This would sound great with a solid production and mix.
But really well done for a four track, I have to say!
..ant
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 43
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 43 |
I like the verse/no rhyme in question, almost be worth not rhyming the others.
New member, Lyrics only contributor, looking to collaborate.
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,172 Likes: 8
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Yeah, great melody on this, very catchy and I'm going with Steely Dan too!!
Really enjoyed it, had me dancing and singing along, and in my world, that is a good thing!! Really nice song!
Tammy
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Tammy,Tom,Ant...thanks for listening,and the feedback.That goes for everyone else too.
Looks like I'm booking some serious studio time to do another record very,very soon now.That means I won't have to annoy JPF'ers with old demos anymore..ha ha.
Last edited by maccharles; 06/03/11 12:10 AM.
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,507
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Mac, no nits here just wanted to say I'm diggin' the groove you laid down there.
see ya...MJ
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
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Hi Mac Wow hah, I just love it, I could listen to you all day!  I'm a fan! I'm HOOKED! Hugs Michele
Last edited by Michele Bolton; 06/03/11 10:43 AM.
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Thanks Moker, I just added this to my list for full on production. Michelle, WOW,that's awesome of you to say...thank you.
Last edited by maccharles; 06/03/11 11:06 PM.
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 442
Serious Contributor
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steely dan, sounds like to me, hear it in the vocal mostly. really really nice.
dmk
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