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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,901 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
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OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,901 Likes: 1 |
We all know tons of 'em.
We love to genially skewer each other -- but always with love. So, what are your favorites?
I just came up with a new "light bulb" one. Here it is:
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who cares?
Go ahead and share yours! This will be fun.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574
JPF Mentor
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JPF Mentor
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574 |
A bass player and an accordion player got hired for New Year's Eve. The manager liked them so much he wanted them back for the next New Year's Eve. They asked him if they could just leave their equipment.
A bass player's son wants to learn bass. The first day he teaches him all the notes on the first string. The send day he teaches him all the notes on the third string. The third day his son tells him he can't take the lesson because he has a gig.
You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too many limitations, if I did it my way. -Johnny Cash It's only music. -niteshift Mike Dunbar Music
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 854
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 854 |
What do you call a musician with a car?
A Thief.
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 854
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 854 |
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,901 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
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OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,901 Likes: 1 |
How do you get a musician off your front stoop?
Pay for the pizza.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 12,255 Likes: 56
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 12,255 Likes: 56 |
Did you hear about the lead guitarist who bragged he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the band didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,608
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,608 |
How do you know when your stage is level?? The drummer has drool coming out of both sides of his mouth.
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,901 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
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OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,901 Likes: 1 |
How to you get a lead singer to the gig on time?
Break his mirrors.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574
JPF Mentor
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JPF Mentor
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574 |
How do you get a guitar player to turn down? Put some sheet music in front of him.
You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too many limitations, if I did it my way. -Johnny Cash It's only music. -niteshift Mike Dunbar Music
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574
JPF Mentor
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JPF Mentor
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574 |
If there's a band playing in the forest, and there's no club owner around, are they still too loud?
You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too many limitations, if I did it my way. -Johnny Cash It's only music. -niteshift Mike Dunbar Music
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
It makes you not want to be a musician.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
I heard this back in the sixties so forgive me if you've heard it already.
Three musicians playing a boozy wedding.
After an hour the pianist says, "It's thirsty work boys. Keep the rythm going and I'll get us some drinks from the bar."
Another half hour goes by and he's still not back so the bass player says to the drummer "I'm gonna see where the %!*&$ got to and fetch those drinks. Just keep it going 'til I get back".
Another half hour goes by and the drummer is exhausted but still playing. Just then a drunk staggers up to the stage and slurs,
"Can you play country roads"?
The drummer lifts his weary head and snarls "WHAT THE *!$& DO YOU THINK I'M PLAYING?"
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,114
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,114 |
Q. What do you call a musician dressed up in a suit and tie?
A. The defendant.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
two harmonica players walk past a bar!
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 6,403
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 6,403 |
Q. What's the difference between a banjo player and a municipal bond?
A. The bond will eventually mature and earn money.
Joe
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1 |
KEYBOARD PLAYER SAID, "THE KEY OF "C" HAS ALL WHITE NOTES"--THE LIGHTING GUY PULLS THE MAIN BREAKER ANSWERING, "NOT ALWAYS, THEY'RE ALL BLACK NOW"! SEE--
Mackie
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788 |
What do you call a successful musician? A guy whose wife/girlfriend has 2 jobs 
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 12,255 Likes: 56
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 12,255 Likes: 56 |
Did you hear this great news?
A schizophrenic rhythm guitar player got a frontal lobotomy, then joined a 4 man heavy metal band...thereby raising the band's average IQ by 56 points!
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Q. What do you call a banjo in a dumpster?
A. Perfect pitch.
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 20
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 20 |
Q: How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
A: He speeds up when he's knocking.
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1 |
What's the difference between a pizza and a drummer? ......A pizza can feed a family of four.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
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Posts: 1,235 |
Musicians are very tempermental.... half temper and half mental!
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,891 Likes: 6
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,891 Likes: 6 |
Little boy:- When I grow up I want to be a guitarist
Mom:- Look son, you can't do both
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 938
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 938 |
Q:How do you spot a drummer in a crowd
A:He's the one hanging out with the musicians
Q:What do you call a dead drummer
A:Out of time
Cheers
Paul
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 4
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 4 |
hahahaha that one was good  lol XD Some of the terms on this forum page I don't understand thats probably one of the reasons why I didn't get some of them... :/
A Goal Not Written Is Only A Wish.
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,134 Likes: 10
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,134 Likes: 10 |
How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
11, one to change the bulb and ten to tell him how he could have done it better.
How many front men does it take to change a light bulb?
One, he holds the bulb to the socket and the whole world revolves around him.
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Huh?
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,901 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
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OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,901 Likes: 1 |
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to change the bulb, and six to tell him how Neil Peart could do it better.
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 15
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 15 |
What do you call the guy who hangs out with 4 musicians every weekend?
A drummer
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
What do you call the guy who hangs out with 4 musicians every weekend?
A drummer I've met some obnoxious drummers.
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,134 Likes: 10
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,134 Likes: 10 |
How can one tell if the drum riser is level?
There is drool coming from both sides of the drummers mouth.
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 20
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 20 |
How does a guitar player turn on his amp?
Strokes it gently and says, "I love you."
How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?
Shoot one.
What do you call a drummer who broke one of his sticks?
The conductor.
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 42
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 42 |
Q:Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?
A:Terrorists have sympathizers
Q:How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva
Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: The can't find the key, and they never know when to come
Is there a limit to these? I've got a books worth of these (these of course are the highlights)
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,528
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,528 |
What is the difference between a Musician and a Large Pizza?
A Large Pizza can feed a family of four.
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,919 Likes: 7
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,919 Likes: 7 |
This is too much.......funny, funny stuff here....Still rollin!!!!!!
Here's an oldie but a goody!!!
What do "dead-heads" say when they are NOT stoned?
"Man, this music sucks !"
mb
Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
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"Do not endeavor to be the smartest kid in a dumb class. Instead, you are better off being the dumbest kid in the smartest class, where you will be challenged and you will learn. If you aren't growing, you are dying." -Brian Austin Whitney
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