I'm sure this is different then what you usually read from me. Have fun with it and CHOP IT UP!!!

My Good And Faithful Servant (c)2002, J.E. Bauman

Verse1:
Dear God
I’m sorry
I fall so short of Your glory
And I
I don’t know
What made me oh so..

CHORUS:
So ignorant
And so selfish
And so confused
I’m sorry I do this to you
Cuz I’m so ignorant
And so selfish
And so confused
I’m so sorry I do this to you

Verse2:
Dear Lord
I’m ashamed
I couldn’t bear the wonder of Your name
And I
I don’t know why
I am so..oh so..

CHORUS:
So ignorant
And so selfish
And so confused
I’m sorry I do this to you
Cuz im so ignorant
And so selfish
And so confused
I’m so sorry I do this to you

Verse3:
Dear Jesus
I’m humble..now
I am now clean but I don’t know how
And I
I don’t know
I am so…oh so..

CHORUS:
So ignorant
And so selfish
And so confused
I’m sorry I do this to you
Cuz im so ignorant
And so selfish
And so confused
I’m so sorry I do this to you…REPEAT


Outro:
Oh Savior
My own Jesus Christ
I have bad behavior
But I’m going to try
And be something pleasing to You
And when I’m with You
You will say Hey hey hey
Well done my good and faithful servant Well done my good and faithful Child

Nice inspirational thoughts, here. I can see you built this to be wrapped around a really cool, rocking chorus, but I'd like to see some story in those verses, personally. Something relatable that would really drive the chorus home. I think maybe "Sorry" would be a more describing and memorable title for this, since your current title is only used in the tag. One other nitpicky thing, 'ignorant' is a really hard word to sing...how about change the line to "I'm so stupid"? Just a thought. Nice potential in this one...just needs more storyline development. Good luck with it!

Corey

Hi, Un!

I wanted to let you know that I read this. If you don't mind, may I not critique this? It seems everytime I critique songs of faith, I get into big trouble.

JeanB

I dont care about any of that jean...You can comment i want people to. I was angry that only one person did...Thanks by the way to BOTH of you...And if anybody else says anything then its not like they can kick you out or anything and they can get over it. SO CRITIQUE!!! so bye

Hi, UN!
I will get back to the song this evening. Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about it. I have to get ready for work, now.

JeanB

Hey UG; i'm at work so don't have long. I agree with Corey; i think more story is needed; what you have isn't a bad start though. I'd definitely have a turnaround in the bridge where there is some realization that the "guilt is gone".

I'd change this line:
I am now clean but I don’t know how
cause you DO KNOW how.

Just some suggestions for ya.

i know i thought that part sounded wrong but i didnt know what to put but i will work on it.

This doesn't seem like a worship song to me, but it has the good beginnings of a testimonial sort of song.

Write down the story of the sinner, what the sinner has done, the things to be ashamed of . (you don't have to put them all in the song, it's just to make the story clear in your own head.) Then speak to God about those things.

One of the accepted things in Christian belief is that although we are supposed to try to be the best we can be, God loves us as we are. I don't think God minds our ignorance or confusion that just comes from being human. I think the thing that is offensive to God is when we deliberately and knowingly turn from God's ways.

Perhaps if you include the ways in which you turned from God and ask pardon for those and then end with your desire to be the faithful servant as you have already done in this version, that would strengthen the song.

I don't know about the "Dear God." It makes it sound like you are writing a letter. ( Although a letter to God might make a pretty good song too,)

I am unsure about the "Hey". It sounds a little too light hearted for such a serious topic. Good luck with this, UN. It isn't that easy to write a good religious song.


JeanB

Un...This was neat to see...You've received some good suggestions..and I think you have a good start too...

Glad to see you still writing...and...
neat to see another side of your writing....

Kaley