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Hello all,
I hope everyone is well. Would love some feedback on my latest.

Falling Down
Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker
Produced, Performed & Arranged by David S. Becker
(C)2018 David S. Becker Music
All Rights Reserved

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/falling-down

Verse 1
I'm looking down
So far to the water below I hear sounds
The engines roar by will I ever be found

Pre-Chorus
And I'm waiting
For a reason
To see
A change of season
There's no sunshine
I'm only dreamin'
Please wash away this evil that tortures my soul
And I'm Falling
Down

Chorus
Reach out your hand and pull me up
The words that you use just won't be enough (Last chorus: The words that you use they're just not good enough(
I don't think I'll make it to the final round
I'm Falling
I'm Falling
I'm Falling
Down

Verse 2
A scream no one can hear
I'm numb to the desperate pity and fear
So cold and aloof I just can't let them near

Pre-Chorus
And I'm still waiting
For emotion
And a hug
Some magic potion
An idea
That has my devotion
Open up the pathways that stir the soul
And I'm Falling
Down

Chorus
Bridge
Something is wrong in my head
It's not the end that I dread
It's breathing I fear in the end
And playing that game of pretend
I'm Falling Down

Chorus
Outro
I'm Falling Down
I'm Falling Down
I'm Falling Down

Always good music from you Dave..I like the change-up in this.

Interesting stuff, Dave. Nicely balanced.
You put a lot of work into this and it works good.

Vic

I enjoyed the music. I'd pull the drums back a ways and the guitar down slightly.
The lyrics seem to come at the same thing several times, but I have no clear idea what the issues are causing the despair.
I think that the song would be more compelling if the issues behind the despair were clearer.

All that said, I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

Martin

Verses are great, nice melody and I like the timing in those. In your second line, it might work well if you came in earlier with "so far" and kind of hung on that for a second.

The pre-chorus feels very strong. Really like that. In the chorus you ease up, and sweeten up the first 3 lines before going hard again on the "I'm falling" lines. I would rather it didn't ease up and kept the tension from the pre-chorus through to the end of the chorus.

The "I'm falling lines" work really well and are the most memorable.

The ending is abrupt, almost jarring, which I'm sure is intentional. Comes as a surprise. Interesting technique.

Overall I like it!

Hi Dave
Lyric wise it's excellent great theme well thought through
Great vocal and production too
Best of luck with it
Travis

Hello Dave,


Nice work / Creative !


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Dave:

I always enjoy your approach to a song. This one seems to blend music from different era's and quite well, I might add. Your vocal does a great job of selling the song, as well. Best of luck with getting it up the charts.

----Dave

Hey Dave,

You have a unique piece of music here, certainly not conventional, but I like that. I kind of felt like Martin about wanting to understand the despair a bit better, but hey, there are a lot of Rock songs that aren't not always as clear message-wise as a ballad for sure. I really like your production and performance as always, superb. I "personally" would like a bit shorter PC which for me empower the C even better as I feel it coming and am wanting it!

Great work Dave!

steady-eddie

Dave,

I like this one—the chord progression in the verse pulls you right in. Solid lyrics, and, for me at least, I don’t feel like there necessarily needs to be an explanation of why the singer is feeling as he does. But I agree with Martin that dialing back the drums just a tad might work—and the guitar maybe a tad in the chorus. For me, the chorus seems like it could use something more production wise to add a bit depth and momentum coming off the pre-chorus, maybe just some back up vocals? Nice use of stops and starts—I kind of like the way you chose to end it, but I get Owen's comment.

Hope the above is helpful; obviously ignore whatever isn’t. This is some strong work—well done!

All the best,

Deej

Thank you much Lane. Really appreciate it.



Really appreciate the listen and thoughts Vic.



Thank you for the listen Martin. Appreciate the input and I will follow your advice regarding the drums and guitars. I agree. As far as the lyric, I also appreciate the input. I am on a fence there though. The song was not really intended to tell a story of "situational" depression. I think there are many that suffer from depression unrelated to any one specific or even multiple specific events. Sometimes there is no reason, other than a person's own body chemistry. Lyrically, it was written more from that angle.



Thanks for the listen Rainy Day Man. I may try to add an organ to the Chorus to give it a bit more lift. Good call. The abrupt ending was intentional. I too am unsure if it works. Appreciate the thoughts.




Thx as always Travis. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.



Thx much Calvin. Always appreciate the listen.



Thx Dave for giving this a spin. I have been around for many decades. I guess they all influence me musically!




Thx much Eddie. Check out my response to Martin with respect to the lyric. As said previously. I am thinking about spicing up the chorus with some Organ. Definitely going to experiment. Appreciate the listen and hope all is well.





Thx DeeJ for the listen. Greatly appreciated. It is interesting... like your latest, I put BIAB aside for this one. I am loving BIAB, but really wasn't sure how to apply it to this tune, so I went back to old school. I think doing so, shows my flaws.

Thx all,

Dave

Made some changes since last post. Lowered the guitars a bit in the chorus. Lowered the drums as well. Changed "extend your hands" to "reach out your hand". Changed the ending, as well. I agree it was too abrupt. Did a fade with the verse progression singing "I'm Falling Down" repeated. Also tried to address some distortion I heard. Also I turned up the volume a bit on the "oohs" in the chorus. Hopefully, they are more noticeable now and gave the chorus a bit of a lift. Anyway, thx again for the feedback.

Dave

I like the new ending, Dave. Much smoother

Dave,

Some really nice touches on the remix—this is much improved over an already great sounding tune. And the fade on the ending was the way to go. Your hard work has paid off!

All the best to you,

Deej

Well there! If one waits long enough, all the kinks are worked out and you get to hear a more polished production!

In life, you're right, there isn't always a "why" when it comes to depression. But, in this song, the music did not give me a sense of doom, so I was looking for that elusive but possible "rope of hope" in the lyrics, something to lift the singer, if not all the way up, at least give him a bit of a boost. You almost do that but then take it away. That's what was missing for me. There doesn't always have to be a happy ending but that's where the music was leading me. Also, I was expecting the music behind "I'm falling down" to also go down, not up.

Musically, this was well thought out and executed and I enjoyed my listen so, well done overall.

Ricki