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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Rob B. - 04/21/24 08:40 PM
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These are the lyrics to a poem I wrote back in 2008. Is anyone interested in hlelping to create a song from these lyrics. The song title doesn't have to be the same as the poem title... Ross.
Song - Three Lost Doves.
By – Ross Mabey. I am the child of two broken hearts, Two worlds, that drifted slowly apart. Two loves shipwrecked on a lonely Isle, It tears at my heart, this only child.
I'm now split between two distant lands, The reason why, I don't really understand. We were three hearts joined in love, Now all alone, like three lost doves.
They say “it happens, that’s the way it is”, With this attitude, why do they have kids ? It sounds like a strange way to run a life, Their confusion, led to this trouble and strife.
Copyright © 2008. Ross Mabey.
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I don;t know how singable this is ?
Song - Three Lost Doves.
I am the child of two broken hearts, (9) Two worlds, that drifted slowly apart. (9) Two loves shipwrecked on a lonely Isle, (9) It tears at my heart, this only child. (9)
Chorus. I'm now split between two distant lands, The reason why, I don't really understand. We were three hearts joined in love, Now all alone, like three lost doves.
Verse 2. We are three lost doves, lookin' aronud, (9) For somethin' we'ev lost, but not found. (9) Walking in circles, hoping we'll find, (9) What we've lost, through acts that were unkind. (9)
Chorus. I'm now split between two distant lands, The reason why, I don't really understand. We were three hearts joined in love, Now all alone, like three lost doves.
Copyright © 2008. Ross Mabey.
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I like the idea, Ross.
Maybe you could push home the simple lyric by making it simpler and repeating certain words. E.G. I am the child of two broken hearts, Two drifting worlds, that drifted apart. Two separate loves on two separate isles, tears at the heart of this only child.
Same for the chorus to accentuate the title. E.G.
Like THREE ...LOST ...DOVES ... flying around LOOKING DOWN ... on unfamiliar ground WE ... WERE ,,, ONE ... joined in love NOW ... A ... LONE ... like THREE ... LOST ... DOVES
Vic
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.Verse 1 I am the child of two broken hearts, Two drifting worlds, that drifted apart. Two separate loves on two separate isles, tears at the heart of this only child.
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Verse 2. We are three lost doves, hoping we'll find, (9) What we have lost by being unknd. (9) You should treasure the love you've got, (9) Neglect it and you may lose the lot. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Bridge Three lost doves looking for the love that we had, If we find it again, we'll no longer be sad.
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
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Hi again Ross.
First, I would suggest that your bridge is just repeating what you already said in the verses so it would be refreshing to have a change there. Maybe something like: I would be the catalyst, the messenger, the magnetic field that draws us all together.
Secondly you may be overdoing the "Three lost doves phrase having it in the first line of verse2 and the chorus" .
There is also that unattractive element of preaching "You should treasure the love you've got. Neglect it and you may lose the lot."
Keep at it.
Vic
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Hi Vic,
Thank you for your positive feedback. I will get my creativity motivated and see what can come up with.
Ross.
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Hi Vic,
I hope I'm nearly there.
Ross.
Song - Three Lost Doves.
Verse 1 I am the child of two broken hearts, (9) Two drifting worlds, that drifted apart. (9) Two separate loves on two separate isles, (9) tears at the heart of this only child. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Verse 2. We three are wondering why we've lost? (9) What we've cherished, we can't count the cost . (9) Why's it happened, I don't understand. (9) Feels empty, did God give a command? (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. , Bridge As a magnet of their love, I yearn, to resolve their problems for them. But like they tell me, we all have lessons to learn.
(Instrumental)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. Yes, we were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Copyright © 2020. Ross Mabey. Written July 22nd 2020.
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"Drifting worlds that drifted apart" sounds to final. "Two drifting worlds, drifting apart" holds out a little hope.
I think it needs a more meaningful 2nd verse and bridge. Also, the bridge looks like it has the same meter as the rest of the song so although the melody could change there I would suggest changing the meter.
Maybe something like this for verse 2 which gives it a similar meter to verse 1
"Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Love can't be a fleeting thing? Innocence ... is too high a cost What is cherished shouldn't be lost"
To change the meter of the bridge, something like:
"Like a magnet I will draw you to me To a heart that's big enough for three"
Halfway there. Hard work this songwriting, isn't it? :-)
Vic
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Hi Vic,
I think its nearly there.
Thank you for all your help and positive feedback, it was greatly appreiated.
Ross
Song - Three Lost Doves.
Verse 1 I am the child of two broken hearts, (9) Two drifting worlds, drifting apart. (9) Two separate loves on two separate isles, (9) tears at the heart of this only child. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Verse 2. No one knows what tomorrow will bring? (9) Their love just can't be a fleeting thing? (9) Their innocence is, too high a cost, (9) What they have cherished shouldn't be lost. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. , Bridge. Like a magnet I will draw them to me, To a heart that's big enough for three, and finaly, put an end to this misery.
(Instrumental)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. Yes, we were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Copyright © 2020. Ross Mabey. Written July 22nd 2020.
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Hi Vic,
Changed the verse 1, line 2.and the brdge.
What do you think?
Ross.
Song - Three Lost Doves.
Verse 1 I am the child of two broken hearts, (9) Two different worlds, are drifting apart. (9) Two separate loves on two separate isles, (9) tears at the heart of this only child. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Verse 2. No one knows what tomorrow will bring? (9) Their love just can't be a fleeting thing? (9) Their innocence is, too high a cost, (9) What they have cherished shouldn't be lost. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. , Bridge. Like a magnet of love, I will draw them to me, To a heart that's big enough for three, resolving their differences and put an end to this misery.
(Instrumental)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. Yes, we were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Copyright © 2020. Ross Mabey. Written July 22nd 2020.
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Hi Vic,
Have changed the bridge back so ends on a more positive way. Just added a"Love." to the first line of the bridge.
Ross.
Song - Three Lost Doves.
Verse 1 I am the child of two broken hearts, (9) Two different worlds, are drifting apart. (9) Two separate loves on two separate isles, (9) tears at the heart of this only child. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Verse 2. No one knows what tomorrow will bring? (9) Their love just can't be a fleeting thing? (9) Their innocence is, too high a cost, (9) What they have cherished shouldn't be lost. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. , Bridge. Like a magnet of love, I will draw them to me, To a heart that's big enough for three.
(Instrumental)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Looking down, searching for familiar ground. We were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. Yes, we were three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Copyright © 2020. Ross Mabey. Written July 22nd 2020.
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Hi Ross. Well, first verse says "two different worlds drifting apart" but if they are different they are already apart. I f you don't like using the word "drifting" twice in the same line how about just "two worlds (pause) drifting apart"?
I also think your other ending in the bridge is better so how about just two lines: "Like a magnet (pause) love will draw them to me and bring an end to this misery"
The other thing is to get rid of all those unnecessary (we, their and were) words. They clutter the song. Also you don't need "looking down" and "searching".
I also think it may be worth thinking about removing the 1st person perspective, mainly because you are asking for a lot of maturity of thought from a child.
You could then start the song: "I see a child of two broken hearts". You would of course have to change the bridge to something like:
"Like a magnet, love can draw them in. I pray it's not too late for them" or repeat the phrase in verse two with;
"Love can't be a fleeting thing. I pray it's not too late for them".
Lots to think about.
Vic
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Hi Vic,
How does look?
Ross.
Song - Three Lost Doves.
Verse 1 I see a child of two broken hearts, (9) Two drifting worlds, drifting apart. (8) Two separate loves on two separate isles, (9) tears at the heart of this only child. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Searching for familiar ground. Three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Verse 2. No one knows what tomorrow will bring? (9) Love can't be a fleeting thing? (8) Innocence is, too high a cost, (9) What they have cherished shouldn't be lost. (9)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Searching for familiar ground. Three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. , Bridge. Love can't be a fleeting thing. I pray it's not too late for them.
(Instrumental)
Chorus. Like Three lost doves, flying in circles around, Searching for familiar ground. Three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves. Now alone, like three lost doves. Yes,three hearts joined in love. Now alone, like three lost doves.
Copyright © 2020. Ross Mabey. Written July 22nd 2020.
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What do you intend doing with it?
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Hi Vic,I have several songs that have I co--wriitten and had them demoed.https://www.broadjam.com/lyrics UfortunatelyI can't afford anymore . My thoghts were to have several songs in reserve and if I could make some money on the oners already demoed I coulld market theone's I have in reserve.
Ross.
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