9 members (bennash, Fdemetrio, Everett Adams, VNORTH2, Calvin, Bill Draper, rpirone, Gary E. Andrews, 1 invisible),
900
guests, and
275
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
|
.
by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284 |
Hi folks, with the exception of the 1st verse this one is totally rewritten. Comments appreciated. HEAVEN WAS NOT FAR AWAY 1.Verse Sweetness of youth hung in the air As we stroll'd home from the school dance The windin' path along the river bank Was cover'd in frost as we romanc'd, Spiders webs dress'd in crystal dew Sparkel'd in the newborn light The sun was blushin' in the east And you were the most wonderful sight CHORUS HONEY THE SWEET LITTLE NOTHINGS YOU DID'NT SAY WERE JUST WHAT MY HEART ACHED TO HEAR EACH SILENT MOMENT WHEN YOU WERE NEAR HEAVEN WAS NOT FAR AWAY 2.Verse Thousands of dreams came true at once When you smiled and whisper'd my name The silver birch where the blackbirds now mate Was only a twig when we lost our shame, Since then I swear your magic touch Never fail'd to amaze me Each time I stumbl'd in the dark You lit a beacon so I could see CHORUS HONEY THE SWEET LITTLE NOTHINGS YOU DID'NT SAY WERE JUST WHAT MY HEART ACHED TO HEAR EACH SILENT MOMENT WHEN YOU WERE NEAR HEAVEN WAS NOT FAR AWAY bridge memories alone make my life complete since the angles called you home you always linger in each hearbeat though you've gone I'm never alone CHORUS HONEY THE SWEET LITTLE NOTHINGS YOU DID'NT SAY WERE JUST WHAT MY HEART ACHED TO HEAR EACH SILENT MOMENT WHEN YOU WERE NEAR HEAVEN WAS NOT FAR AWAY TAG AND RIGHT NOW............... HEAVEN IS NOT FAR AWAY (c) 2005 Jan Johansen http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=41161 [This message has been edited by Jan Johansen (edited 11-26-2005).] [This message has been edited by Jan Johansen (edited 11-26-2005).]
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,589
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,589 |
Greetings Jan! I listened to your song, "there must be a reason". I love your voice and the music is so calming! I'm looking forward to hearing more of your songs. Good Day, Linda A
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284 |
Hi Linda I'm pleased you like the song "THERE MUST BE A REASON". I wish it was my voice, but the credit must go to my collaborator Randy Thorderson. What about this lyric?, critique is welcome. All the best Jan http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=41161 [This message has been edited by Jan Johansen (edited 12-03-2005).]
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,589
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,589 |
Hi Jan,
very descriptive and real as in the spider webs dress'd in crystal dew...I see those too but don't ever think to use it in my writing. I looked for this on soundclick but did not see it and I think that's why I didn't comment on this particular song originally...that's how I ran into "There Must Be a Reason". I had to read the "lost our shame" phrase and the context more than twice to understand what I think you're saying. I just never heard it being stated in that way before(losing virginity)? That was just an observation and a new perception for me, not necessarily a nitpick with the song. Take Care, Linda
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284 |
Hi Linda Thanks for your comments, they are very much appreciated. No this one is not on my SoundClick site yet, it hasn't been set to music yet. All the best Jan http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=41161
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
HiDee Jan!
I got a Problemo with your Chorus:
The opening Couplet doesn't seem Logically-put. In essence, what she DIDN'T convey to her lover was JUST what he wanted to hear.
UNLESS she's quite a Nag, I don't think this is what ya wanna convey.
Dunno if you wanted the Irony of Heaven being "Not Far Away" (via her Presence) AND her Dying in the Last Verse too...
Couple of Line Change Suggestions: "Your LOVE lit a beacon..so I could see" (Doubt that She, Personally, "Lit a Beacon"...) and...
"Tho you're gone I FEEL never alone" (Because, IF he IS "Never Alone" he's with Some OTHER Living Woman..Right?)
"Angels" is the way you wanna spell that word...
My Overall Impression is this is maybe Too Sweet for Today's Market..USA-wise, anyways. It's less Heart-to-Heart "Conversational" than it is Poetic.
In Conclusion, The Tag is just TOO Ironic...IF "Heaven is not far away" THEN the Singer is on the Verge of Dying..SINCE..alas..She's already dead.
I doubt you planned a Suicide Song..yet this one seems to point in that direction.
Good Luck with the Rewrite, Amigo! Big Guy-Hug, Stan
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284 |
Hi my Florida friend Thanks for dropping in and giving me food for thoughts. Regarding:"what she DIDN'T convey to her lover was JUST what he wanted to hear" Her I tried to get accross that silence (the words she didn't say) sometimes says more than words, and that was what my heart ached to hear. Also that silence when she was near gave me an almost heavenly feeling, i.e."Heaven was not far away". Also "Heaven was not far away" both when she was literally near in life and figuratively near after she had died. In other words a loved ones presence can give a heavenly feeling both in life and long after they have gone (in our memories)as I tried to convey in the bridge and the tag. Figurative expressions are always more difficult to get across than literally ones and I would be interested in if anyone could shed some light on this, i.e. did it make any sense to you. Doubts are an integral part of the creative arts and I as most people have my doubts if I suceeded in getting across what I wanted to. Thanks Stan for bringing it up, I really do appreciate it. Jan http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=41161
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,589
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,589 |
Thanks for coming back on and noticing my comment. TampaStan is a brilliant writer Jan and I don't want to appear as though I know more than he but your words made sense to me. You might want to understand where Stan's coming from so that others won't translate your lyric in a way that you didn't intend for it to be. I didn't take it in the same way as Stan. I also looked at it in an additional way that since he didn't feel alone because of the sacred memories of his lost loved one and his assumption that his girl is in heaven, that for him...heaven was not far away...he felt that she was close. I found this song to be a comfort. http://www.soundclick.com/lindaanthony
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278 |
Jan,
I like the way it reads. No nits. Good job. Can't wait to hear Randy sing it when the music's done.....
ben
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284 |
Hi Linda Thanks for comming back again and letting me know about your thoughts regarding the content. I'm pleased you feel the lyrics are of comfort to you. Thanks a lot Jan http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=41161
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284 |
Hi Ben Thanks, I'm pleased you got it the way I intended it. All the best Jan http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=41161 [This message has been edited by Jan Johansen (edited 12-06-2005).]
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,794
Posts1,161,655
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"Sometimes, the best thing you can say, isn't the easiest thing" -Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|