Chasing Seagulls - v. rough worktape - Just Plain Folks Music Organization Message Boards

This was recently on the lyric board. I recorded it as a draft for comments - off pitch and all warts showing! Questions are whether the treatment suits the lyrics? I am undecided whether to finish it out as an acoustic song or electrify as more of a rocker. Or should it be changed into a country song or what? All comments are solicited.

[color:#990000][size:14pt]Chasing Seagulls[/size][/color]

Chasing Seagulls Copyright � 2009 Colin Ward

V1
Chasing seagulls,
Dolphins jumping,
I've got sand, between my toes,
Small bikinis,
Sun is shining,
What I'm thinking, no-one knows

V2
Chasing seagulls,
Girls are laughing,
Palm trees leaning in the breeze,
Sailing green hulls,
Waves are crashing,
But it's not enough to please me

Chorus
'Cause I'm not happy here in Paradise,
When you're a thousand miles away,
Take a chance and come on down,
Let's go chasing seagulls today

V3
Chasing seagulls,
Skimming stones,
People near me catching rays,
Jethro Tull songs,
Empty rib bones,
My mind keeps drifting, up your way

Chorus

Bridge
It's hard to leave your comfort zone,
Hard to leave family behind,
But life is good in Paradise,
Stick your toe in the Gulf and you'll be fine

Instrumental verse

Chorus
I'm not happy here in Paradise,
When you're a thousand miles away,
Take a chance and come on down,
Let's go chasing seagulls today

Writing this prior to listening.. When reading the lyric is gives me sort of an Elvis "Blue Hawaii" feel, or something Disney, like "The little mermaid" soundtrack.

So I'd expect a lighter pop treatment, perhaps with some carribian influences.

Back to listen tomorrow :-)

Hi Colin:

Personally, I wouldn't countrify it....

Musical treatment fits it nicely as is, imo. I think it has the right vibe to it.

This arrangement works for me. It is likely that a more electrified version would too though - maybe some electric guitar with reverb on the instrumental section....

I DO like it like this though - can imagine it playing while I'm laying on the beach at Fort Desoto

Scott

Collin,
I like the feel that you have. I'd like to hear a full rhythm section but not too much other stuff. Percussion toys might be good.
A couple of thoughts re V3:
1) I wouldn't use a specific artist. It could be a deal killer for someone who hates Jethro Tull. (not me) Something more generic like "summer love songs" might work.
2) Don't know about "empty" rib bones. Maybe after they've been washed by the surf for a while. Are they whale rib bones? Some sort of tropical instrument? Maybe you were carelessly "tossing" rib bones. 8?)

I think it's pretty catchy and worth developing.
JW

Hi Magne,

Not sure this sounds like you expect!

Scott,

Thanks for listening. This was inspired by my visit to Fort DeSoto last Sunday so I am glad you got the vibe.

JW,

I chose Jethro Tull for an incidental rhyme with seagull but I get your point. Not sure I care about someone liking it if they don't like Jethro Tull! Empty rib bones is a reference to the picnickers there. Thanks for commenting.

Colin

Hi Colin,

This has a very cool vibe. I really like the guitar and the acoustic treatment. Lyrically, I like what you have too, with only a few nits.

I like the Jethro Tull part but not so much the next line. You need another word than "empty". How about:
Jethro Tull songs,
Tossing rib bones

In the bridge, instead of
"But life is good in Paradise"
how about:
"Life can be good in Paradise"
because previously you said
"I'm not happy here in Paradise"
So, life CAN be good, IF she's there.

Overall, well worth working on but personally I wouldn't over-produce it. It's really cool now.

Just some thoughts.

Ricki

I'm liking the guitar riff and the overall vibe. Lyric-wise the Jethro Tull line does not seem to fit the "beach" theme, but during the performance it doesn't really stick out as odd (if that makes any sense).

Nice lead stuff, too. Good vocals on this one.

Edit: This one can have an electric as well as an acoustic version -- why restrict yourself to one or the other?

Kevin

Originally Posted by Colin Ward

This was recently on the lyric board. I recorded it as a draft for comments - off pitch and all warts showing! Questions are whether the treatment suits the lyrics? I am undecided whether to finish it out as an acoustic song or electrify as more of a rocker. Or should it be changed into a country song or what? All comments are solicited.

[size:14pt]Chasing Seagulls[/size][/color]

Chasing Seagulls Copyright � 2009 Colin Ward

V1
Chasing seagulls,
Dolphins jumping,
I've got sand, between my toes,-[color:#FF0000] maybe got sand between my toes- instead of I've got?? Small bikinis,
Sun is shining,
What I'm thinking, no-one knows

V2
Chasing seagulls,
Girls are laughing,
Palm trees leaning in the breeze,- if you shorten the 3rd line of verse one, as I suggested then you can say Palms leaning instead of palm trees.. just a thought
Sailing green hulls,
Waves are crashing,
But it's not enough to please me_ I would leave off the ME- it seems to crowded and you still keep the rhyme- :)

Chorus
'Cause I'm not happy here in Paradise,
When you're a thousand miles away,
Take a chance and come on down,
Let's go chasing seagulls today

V3
Chasing seagulls,
Skimming stones,
People near me catching rays, by me
Jethro Tull songs,
Empty rib bones,
My mind keeps drifting, up your way

Chorus

Bridge
It's hard to leave your comfort zone,
Hard to leave family behind,- It may be me, but maybe you can say leave IT all behind so it doesnt sound like you are asking someone to leave her family- as in husband, kids, and it still is clear in meaning, to leave IT behind- which is more broad. jmho:)
But life is good in Paradise,
Stick your toe in the Gulf and you'll be fine

Instrumental verse

Chorus
I'm not happy here in Paradise,
When you're a thousand miles away,
Take a chance and come on down,
Let's go chasing seagulls today

Colin- I really like this. I think the melody is spot on, I would lean more towards bluesy rock than country- you may can even throw in a slight bongo to make it more beach sounding- but not too much to make it a beach song. I know this will be really good when it is done and I could hear Jimmy Buffet doing it. I had a couple of suggies on the flow and lyric- keep or sweep but I know you will make the right choices on it and now it is stuck in my head.:) Kim

Hey Colin,

Back to listen! I like it a lot, and think what you have works. Some suggestions..

I really think the riff you use throughout is great! It sounds too bluesy to my ears, though, having the lyric in mind. Perhaps you could play it more Bossa Nova like?

Here a couple of ideas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl8J2AcwngA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCrcpulSZCU&feature=channel

That's what I would prefer to hear over this.. I think the music you have is fine, so it just a suggestion on style.

Lyrically, I'd swap the Jethro Tull reference, as the music is nothing like Jethro Tull unless you plan to put an electric flute in the demo arrangement. So works like an distracting image for me.

Arrangement wise, a light keypad and something more could soften up what you have, but preferably with a more lighter feel than blues comping. Blues sounds a bit 'hard' for this lyric, to my ears. But arrangement could soften it up a lot, even without going bossa, I think.

So, this would work if rest of your set sounds like that, but 'chasing seagulls' sounds like a good invitation for dancing some bossa nova. So to me that would be getting the most of this wonderful lyric :-)

Anyway, great job on writing and putting music to this, Colin. I like it a lot!

Colin,

I'm partial to acoustic guitar so I know I prefer the current version to an electric one (but that is just one old folkie's opinion). Both the rhythm and acoustic lead parts are really nice. If you were to put in some electric guitar I think it should just compliment the acoustic guitar and not override or replace it. I enjoyed listening!

Clint

Hi Colin

I love everything about this.... made me wanna sing along........
I think you should write the girl singer version also. : D jm

I feel what you are trying to get across. There are alot of great comments on the flow of the lyrics. Great gutitar work!

I really like Magne's idea of putting this in a bossa nova. Why? People like it when you can smile through the pain. I always argue with people about prosody and in this case you have it, too much, imo. I felt like chasing seagulls with rocks, I was so mad that my wife was'nt with me on this awesome beach!

Maybe this is a poor example but look at "born in the USA" its a downer of a song but everyone loves it cuz the way he plays it.

I would like to hear this as a "happy sounds with anhedonia on the beach theme" I am curious as to how this would sound.

just my $0.0000345

Tim

Ricki,

Thanks for the listen...good suggestions which I will no doubt adopt or learn from.

Kevin,

Thanks for listening. The Jethro Tull mention is just to describe what I heard on the beach - plus it is a passing rhyme with gull. I am leaning toward a mainly acoustic background with some electric and piano fills - we will see what happens.

Kim,

Thanks for taking time to make suggestions. I agree that the lyrics need cleaning up as you said.

Magne,

Thanks for the listen and the suggestions. I agree that the bluesy riff is not a keeper. It was more of a filler to get it going. As far as bossa nova is concerned, I haven't done that since the Girl From Ipanema was a hit. I tried singing the lyrics along with the video you linked and could not get my head around that combination - but I learned a couple of cool chords.

Probably stick with my basic structure but make some changes to make it unique.

Clint,

Yes I think acoustic will be the foundation with some decoration from other instruments.

Joice,

The girl singer version, eh? Should not be too difficult - I'll give it a try.

Tim,

Thanks for your thoughts. I don't think the bossa nova is going to work. But the contrast of happy vs sad will. I confess I had to look up anhedonia.....I'm only an amateur psychologist.

Colin