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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 4,199
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 4,199 |
Hey, Chris. Don't have much time right now, so I'll just comment on the first 2 verses. In V1, "when" in L1 and "for" in L3 don't connect with each other. I'd leave out "when" at the start of the song. In v2, there's nothing there to establish that L3-4 are about you, not her. I think something needs to be there to make the character switch. I'll try to get back later. ok, I'm back  Nothing really to add on the rest of the lyric, just that it may be a little too inside baseball for the general public. But it's fun for writers. Bill
Last edited by Bill Osofsky; 08/15/13 11:41 AM.
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