onehandsomedog,

I like your song, but feel you need to get some production tweaks with volume levels adjusted and maybe a little panning to give your a better mix. I liked that ending choruses better, maybe because the 1st two felt overpowered a bit with the music encroaching on the vocal's dominance.

I know you are hurrying to get these songs written each week, so my hat is off to you. I'd just recommend looking at your music balance a bit. The 2nd verse had better lyric/music prosody--just giving you a couple things that jumped out at me.

I thought your concept and music vibe were cool, so it's a good start. These are just a couple ideas for you to use or lose and JMO which is just one among many. Nice write!

steady-eddie.