Originally Posted by Deej56
Gavin,

Pretty song with a lovely message. Your vocal has a genuine warmth and sincerity, really adds a lot to this tune. And that chorus has a nice melody, accentuated by the internal rhyme on that third line. I’m not sure I’m in love with the title of the song either, but you’ll figure that out. Sadly, I can’t come up with any suggestions for you at the moment.

One other small nit, and probably not worth mentioning, in that same line of the chorus, it seems it would be “The world is better BY far” . . . though I realize that may make the line a bit more difficult to sing, but workable. But OK as it is because the meaning is clear.

Really, really nice write, Gavin. A memorable one, and already among my favorites from you.

All my best,

Deej


Thanks, Deej. I might have to reconsider the title in the face of public opinion LOL. That "better far" line does use a rather old-fashioned, 19th century poetic construction. Maybe I chose it because in my mind I'm an old fashioned 19th century poet smile My kids are always teasing me for the way I speak. I use words that leave them looking baffled. Partly a British-American thing and partly my being a pretentious old git. Anyway, just to prove I'm not making it up...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlP_eRzlgrw

"I may or may not be an enigma."
http://mysteriousbeings.com/
https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings
https://www.facebook.com/mysteriousbeings/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTfa7oRxhligSvZjv0u_vjg