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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 439
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 439 |
Hey Barry - Really like this one as well. Cool concept, and well played.  The only lines that trip me up after the latest rewrite are the last two: old souls warm hearts "Old souls" feels a little new agey to me (not that there's anything wrong with that ), and that doesn't seem to fit in a love song like this, MOO (My Opinion Only  ). Plus there's no conceptual interplay between them either on another level (i.e. "warm" doesn't relate to "old," etc.). If you're buyin' what I'm sellin', then a possible rewrite could be: two souls one heart Fun one! Nice work. Looking forward to hearing it.
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