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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895 |
Hi Sherry,
Glad to meet you. This is an enjoyable listen, helped greatly by your singing and playing. The overall production sounded really good too. But, if I had to nit pick it, and I do, I'd suggest some more substance in your lyrics. I think it's the weakest link in this song.
everywhere i went i saw things we used to do
doing things you never thought you could
knowing what i did was so wrong
These lines are all rather generic. There's little to no imagery here. You have many opportunities to paint some pictures about this guy, don't waste them. The bridge is also a great place to wake up the listener, tell us something new, but yours is a bit weak.
Musically, this is really good and I think if you work on the lyrics more, you can elevate this from just an OK song overall to a much better one, maybe even a great one.
Welcome to jpf. Hope you stick around and share more of your music and return the favor of critiquing the songs of others here on the forum.
Ricki
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Entire Thread
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my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/23/09 07:53 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/23/09 08:15 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Charles Kirkland
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01/23/09 09:20 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Charles Kirkland
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01/23/09 09:22 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/23/09 09:32 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Michael Zaneski
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01/23/09 01:44 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Kevin Emmrich
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01/23/09 02:25 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Colin Ward
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01/23/09 05:00 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Janice Hopkins
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01/23/09 05:53 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/26/09 07:25 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/26/09 07:28 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Kaley Willow
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01/26/09 08:29 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/26/09 08:55 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Tom Shea
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01/26/09 11:23 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Mark Schuessler
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01/27/09 02:45 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Sam Wilson
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01/27/09 03:34 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/28/09 06:44 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Tom Franz
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01/28/09 07:28 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/28/09 08:39 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/28/09 08:50 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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John Lawrence Schick
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01/28/09 09:04 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/28/09 09:13 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/31/09 08:49 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Tom Franz
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01/31/09 09:15 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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Ricki E. Bellos
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01/31/09 09:44 PM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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02/01/09 01:25 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/26/09 07:22 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/26/09 07:17 AM
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Re: my first song post,just another guy
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sherry stanford
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01/26/09 07:14 AM
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