Originally Posted by Beth G. Williams
Hey Mag,

COOL hook....and a very poignant image to describe this little girl. smile

While you've presented some compelling details and I like where I think you're headed, I feel there are some contextual pieces missing. For instance, how did he come upon this girl? Both literally and figuratively, what brought him here? What's he going to do with her (I'm not suggesting anything insidious...just that technically, from your lyrics, he could simply be looking at a photograph of a child he might want to sponsor, and show his love that way....)?

You did say you were going to work on this a bit more, so I look forward to seeing where you take it. With a hook this good, you're already well on your way to heading in the right direction.... smile

Good luck!!

Beth


Thanks for commenting Beth! You always have very interesting, relevant and helpful thoughts. Loving that!

I think you are very much to the point about the context markers. Putting some of those in there, will provide a much better framework to grasp the lyric in, and provide a needed scaffolding for the message.

I did ship it over to Janice for more work, so I guess she'll put me to work on music for it soon :-)