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Diverge
by Michael W. Brown - 09/13/26 08:38 PM
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Pictures
by CTthomas - 09/13/26 07:10 PM
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 160
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 160 |
Geneva,
Well written & nice story. The only suggestion to maybe try is leave the structure the way you have it but in the last run of the chorus you could try saying your hook in a different way because it seems there was some sort of resolution in the 3rd verse but the chorus the way it is brought me back into the nightmare. Maybe that's your intention but I would fool around with the last run of the chorus a little more for the heck of it. Possibly something like what's below.
Just a thought,
Ken
Chorus
He took a one way walk to greener pasture,
Bent the fence, stepped across the line,
A one way walk to greener pasture,
The fields were muddy on the other side,
No the grass weren't green when he got there..
how one sweet dream turned.. what a nightmare....
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