Originally Posted by R. Shayne Vaughan
Hey Steven,
I liked the message and loved the music! I believe it would pack more punch, though, if you could prune it down to at least the 4 minute mark...and it would be great if you could introduce the title somewhere around the 1 minute mark.

Other comments below, keep or sweep smile

It was raining when I came in
the diner
And they Waitress said it might turn to snow


Thanks for the feedback Shayne. Good suggestions on the first two lines. Originally the female character was going to be the waitress but a waitress wouldn't be confrontational so I changed it. As for the length, I cut it down as much as I could to maintain the integrity of the story. Story songs tend to go long anyway and I'm not looking for radio play. I think it will go over well in a live performance judging from feedback I've gotten elsewhere.

I was wondering if the story would sound "contrived" but so far everyone who's heard it says it isn't so that's a positive. I also changed the title from YOU CAN PASS IT ALONG To just PASS IT ALONG as the "you can pass it along" doesn't come till the last line of the song.

Thanks again for the listen and suggestions,

Stevie

I'm the only person here who is not unique.