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Country lyric. As always, I have the music but I want to focus on improving the lyrics right now. Let me know what you think

Achin’ Like That

Crawling along a hot evening road
I’m whistlin’ Dixie, you’re blowing smoke
This old car is breaking its bones
And me, I’m achin’ like that

We get lost in an old ghost town
Government made the last couple move out
I heard they watched as the house came down
And me, I’m achin’ like that

You tell me stories of you as a young’un
Cowboys and Indians out back with your cousins
Oh, how it hurt when they shot you down
And me, I’m achin’ like that
And me, I’m achin’ like that

There’s a girl in town with beautiful eyes
Breaks your heart with every smile
She’ll never know you have her memorised
But me, well, I’m achin’ like that
I’m achin’ just like that

I swear up to heaven and down to hell
I need you more than I can tell
Don’t leave me achin’ like that
Don’t leave me achin’ like that

Hi Lex,I like this idea but i'm not sure just what is making you ache like that.I really like the hook but i think you can make it work better.You have some really cool lines in here too!Mike

Hi Lex -- This is a really pretty piece. I get the feeling that she's aching because the boy is in love with another girl, but I'm with Michael that it should be clarified a little more. It would still be cool to keep it subtle, but just a little somethin' somethin'! Also, in verse one, I thought maybe: "This old car is breaking LIKE bones." -- Lisa

Hi Lex. I actually get the "aching" like that part. Believe you really use the hook well BUT like Mike and Lisa the relationship between the girl and the boy can be better explained and explored
in my opinion.

Have fun with it.

douglas

All good helpful comments, thanks guys!


Crawling along a hot evening road
I’m whistlin’ Dixie, and you’re blowing smoke
This old car is breaking like bones
And me, I’m achin’ like that

We get lost in an old ghost town
Government made the last couple move out
I heard they watched as the house came down
And me, I’m achin’ like that

I swear up to heaven and down to hell
I need you more than I can tell

We talk about back when we were younger
Cowboys and Indians out back with your cousins
Oh, how it hurt when they shot you down
And me, I’m achin’ like that
And me, I’m achin’ like that

There’s a girl in town with beautiful eyes
Breaks your heart with every smile
She’ll never know you’ve got her memorised
I can't bear you achin’ like that
But I’m achin’ just like that

I swear up to heaven and down to hell
I'll love you more than she ever will

But don’t leave me achin’ like that
Don’t leave me achin’ like that

Heya Lex,

I'm really diggin' the vibe you have going on here, and looks like you've made some changes for the sake of clarification. So there's one more thing that maybe you should address...and that is this whole "town" thing. I read the lyrics and know you're walking through a Ghost Town...then you reference a girl in town. What town? The town you're in? Back home? Up North? Down south? If you can connect that dot for me I would be happier than a hot hog in a cool puddle of mud. (I think that's a southern expression, right?)

I love the "WHISTLIN' Dixing, Blowin' Smoke" line. GREAT JOB!

Terrill

Okay, so: "There's a girl back home with beautiful eyes"
That sound better to you? Or still lacking?
Thanks Terrill(Awesome name by the way!)

Hey Lex (awesome name by the way!)...smooooooooooth....

Hey Lex -- Your changes look great! I know this is going to sound beautiful once you sing it! --Lisa

Hey Lex. How are you my friend? Cool lyric here. As mentioned before you have a nice vibe here. I like how you describe the aches and relate the aches to the things you did. Reading the lyric I can feel the ache myself. Good job at keeping at this one and fixin' it up. Every gem needs polished =). Is there somewhere I could hear your vocals ?

Nvm I found where I could =) keep up the awesome work.