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Hi everyone....got a new tune, and would love to hear your thoughts!! Thanks for taking the time ;-) -Tom

“Poisoned Stain”
By Tom Tognaci

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12314813

Heed the warnings, down that lonely road
Watch for signs along that dark highway
Many men have been to her abode
None, the same, ever came back this way

In the hunger of the night, she’ll wait
Behind lies designed to comfort you
Once her legs are wrapped around your fate
Forever will she stain your virtue……..

…She’s got razors in her eyes
She’s got vice flowing in her veins
Holds the keys to where death resides
She leaves a poisoned stain

Keep yourself a pocket full of stones
She’s the kind you do not kiss and tell
If she gets her chance to jump your bones
You’ll curse the day you didn’t run like hell……..

Hi Tom,

I Knew I'd be in for a sweet trat when I listened to this one, real cool lines EVERYWHERE in the song & I really enjoyed your relaxed perfromanc.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hey Tom,

Loved the melody and the lyrics. You have the perfect voice for the Rock genre. If I ever have one of my manuscripts picked up by a film maker I'd love for you to do the soundtrack.

Bryan

Great Job on a Femme-Fatalle Song, Brother Tom!!!

(Can't say I've ever personally met one THIS Evil, but she's prolly Out-There-Somewhere, eh? ;-)> )

Good Luck with a Good'n', Bro!

Best Weekend Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

I've been jonesin' for another song from you and it was well worth the wait Tom!All around cool and such a devilish woman.Loved the guitar and melody for this and your vocals rock!Mike

Tom,

I was really getting into this light rock groove. I love this type of music--this is a great write. Cool subject with neat lyrics and nice melody that stays with you.

I wouldn't mind seeing you skip the short interlude between vs. one and two, since you have breaks between all subsequent verses and chorus. I also think this may allow the listener to more quickly "get into" the song better as well.

With this style, (not imperative) but it might be cool to have a short dramatic "mystical" bridge after the last verse--which would give you perhaps an opportunity to expound maybe on the girl. You could then follow with a tag of the chorus and either fade or use a sustaining ending -- or just end with that bridge alone--just a thought, as you have more song time available.

It's great the way you have it, a couple of ideas, but super nice job man!

steady-eddie.

Hey Tom,

It's been a long time hearing one from you and well worth the wait. This one is perhaps my favorite of yours so far. Very catchy. I'd love to hear a full production of this song but it sounds fine as is.

Stevie

Tom, wow!! A very sharp lyric, I felt every word!! Nice job! :)))) scotty

-Hi Calvin.....thanks for listening...I'm glad you appreciate it!!! And I'm glad you like the relaxed vocal.....Thanks!

-And thank you Bryan......I never thought my voice was worth the vocal chords God gave me. It's good to hear you think me wrong! ;-)

-Tom

-Hey there Stan.....here's a big hug back atcha!! Thanks!

-Thanks Michael....Jonesin', ehh? Thanks...I needed that!

-And thank you Eddie....my songs never ever seem complete to me, either!

-Hi Stevie, and thanks for the comments. I can only dream of full productions. But what a cool dream it is!

-Thanks you, as well, Richard....it's much appreciated!!

-Tom

Hi Tom,

This is really one cool song about one wicked woman! Loved it!

Lisa

Tom,

I was reading through the other comments and was terribly curious as to what delight was in store for me when I clicked on your song to give it a listen. I certainly know what all the excitement is about. You are the man!

So, may I offer just a slight "nit" that may or may not be appropriate? I don't get the song. Go ahead, I'll wait for you to pick yourself up off the floor.

So let me be a little clearer. In the first verse you're warning me to not go near this lass. Then in the last verse I'm being stalked by her? Whaddya mean, I'll curse the day I didn't run like hell when I was the one engaging her in the first place. You see what I'm trying to say?

Tom,

Quite the nice little musical gem you have hear and your vocals are exceptional. To my ear it sounds like you eased up on the effects on this one. Really allowed your voice to shine more naturally. Great job Tom!

Tom

Awesome sound and atmosphere you've created here. You are an amazing vocalist and your voice really sold this song to me as did the wonderful guitar accompaniment. I agree a little with Terrill as I had the same reaction to the last verse, but a little mystery in a song isn't necessarily a bad thing and this one is so catchy I'm not sure that it matters. Very nice listen and I especially loved the line "Once her legs are wrapped around your fate." Great stuff there.

-Hi Lisa....always love hearing from you! Thanks a lot!

-Hey there Terrill...........once you go down that road, most men can't help but to fall her prey.....and those who do manage to get away , do not do so unscathed. She will forever stalk you in your imagination.
Best to turn your eye away!! Thanks for listening!

-Tom

Tom,

I came back for another listen and wanted to bump this song--it's so good. I had a question, are you saying any real words at the intro? I was just thinking that you could perhaps say something there, not sure--whatever, it should be not real clear but something that evokes "heed this warning!"

I also had an idea for the last line of the song--not necessarily do I think it's better, but may be worth consideration:

"You'll curse the day that your "conscience fell."

My thought was that this would be more profound and less literal, and may convey more dismay than just physically "getting the hell out of there."

Just throwing it out to ya, not saying it needs to be changed. Use it or lose it! Really like this song a lot!

steady-eddie.

Hi Tom,
I like this...a lot. In fact, it's almost awesome.
The last two lines kind of ruined it for me.
The last line is "okay", but not as strong as the rest of the lyric. It's a bit of a letdown.
The next to the last line seems to me to be totally out of place in this song. The rest of the lyric is poetic and delivered with a certain sensitivity...and then you drop "jump your bones" on us. I feel like that's too crude to be a part of this lyric.. Not "crude" in a nasty way, but more in an undeveloped way. I'm not sure the tone of that phrase fits with the rest of the narration.
Other than that, great job. I could hear a band like Kansas or Styx doing a song like this.
Kurt

Tom, That's a well-put together and performed song. You've got that arena rock voice. Lots of control and projection. Just a good rock singing voice. Sounds CD ready to me.

Yup gotta say, I've listened to this track a few times now and liking it more and more each time. Its got legs. Not only is it a good write, but the performance is top draw as well and the production shines.

Kudos on this one.

-Hey there Steady Eddie..........thanks for the suggestions...very much appreciated.....I an thinking of revamping this. Thanks again!

-Hey there Kurt...funny, my wife didn't like that line, as well. I just couldn't find anything that resonated with me like Jump.....bones. Thanks for listening and commenting!!

-And hey.... Tom W....thanks for stopping by...it's always nice to hear from you....got anything in the making from you?? Looking forward!!
-Tom

I'm with Kurt and Eddie on this one.. I really dig the vibe and the feel and the metaphoric aspects if it. It leaves a lot to the imagination; until the last part. I'd stick with the metaphoric (and leverage the steam built up by the rest of the lyric) and hint at what they should do if she ever ever looks their way. Cool tune you got here man. Thanks for sharing it.
-S

-Thanks Bobby for the very kind comments!! And thank you for listening!

-Thanks Dan for listening and the most generous of comment!

-Thanks agiain, Allan....always nice to hear from you...haven't seen you around for a while...thanks again!!

-Hi Steve, and thank you, as well, for the gracious comments.

It's good to hear, every once and a while, that my stuff works with all you guys and gals! Thanks!! -Tom

TOM--

THIS IS MY KIND OF SONG--SHE MAY BE A SISTER TO MY VOO DOO LADY
I THINK IT HAS TOP SHELF POTENTIAL--THE MUSIC FITS LIKE A GLOVE!

GOOD LUCK WITH IT!

WRITE ON--

Mackie

Excellent song all round Tom, I try to write good lyrics and this is as good as it will get!
Amazing vocal too
Best of luck with it
Travis

-Hey thanks Mackie!! Sinister twins, ehh! Well, if she's as good looking as this one, that would surly mean doule trouble. Thanks for stopping by!

-And thank you, as well, Travis.....It's good to hear that my efforts are appreciated....Thanks again!!

-Tom