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Hey all,

This is a song I wrote last year that was previously posted on the forum. Since writing it, Paul Battersby, an excellent musician, contacted me and asked if he could add some drums and bass, to what was just one of my simple guitar and vocal arrangements. He also remixed the tune. All feedback is welcomed and appreciated on this new version.
P.S. Kevin ... this post is a happy song. I took your suggestion.

David Becker - All Guitars & Vocals
Paul Battersby - Drums, Bass & Mix

http://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/jareds-song-with-paul

JARED'S SONG
Words & Music by David S. Becker

Verse 1
I remember when I was much younger
I'd gaze up at the sky and wonder
What I did
To deserve this kid

Verse 2
Well somewhere along the line I must have
Shined a little light while
God had looked my way
I'll never forget that day

Pre -Chorus
The day my son breathed life
And I looked at my wife
Holding this newborn tyke

Chorus (1 - 8)
And it's 1,2 ... You stand on your own
3,4... You tell us your name
And the years fly by
Right before my eyes
And it's 5,6 ... "Dad can we play"
7,8 ... You'd talk so much
I was so amazed
At every word you'd say

Verse 3
So much time has passed since then
Stupid fights and "where ya beens'"
Don't matter none
You've just begun

Verse 4
Your off to school and on your own
I think about how time has flown
Your soul has soared
The eyes of a child have roared ... You've gone to ...

Pre-Chorus
To live your life
I pray we taught you right
I pray your light shines bright

Chorus ( 9-16)
And it's 9,10 ... Your stayin' with friends
11,12 ... Your scorin' a goal
I scream "that's my boy"
You were my pride & joy
And it's 13,14 ... Another game
15, 16 ... More of the same
You were a rising star
You had come so far

Bridge
The years keep rolling by
That's no child before my eyes

Chorus variation (1 progression ... 17-20)
Well it's 17,18.19,20
"Can I borrow the car and can I have some money"
"I 'll be home real late"
"Don't stay up and wait"

Bridge
The years keep rolling by
Thats a man before my eyes ... You've gone ...

Pre-Chorus
To live your life
I pray we taught you right
I pray your light shines bright

End
Tonight and every night

(c)2012/2013 David S. Becker
All rights reserved

Very, very nice. I like it all...melody, lyrics. Good job!

Thx for the listen and your kind comments Dave. Much appreciated and welcome to JPF.

Dave

Another great example of your writing skills. It reminds me of the FEEL of a song America would have done. Layered harmonies and it would be like them. Like me, it was probably work to come up with those happy, carefree, lyrics......Good Job Brother!

Very good job. Enjoyed the song.

Good song guys,enjoyed it
Travis

Thx Bobby,

As always, I appreciate your comments. Look forward to the next collab.

Dave

DAVE--

A cool happy, bouncy, number, that makes me smile--

A little fine tuning, it will be a winner!

Write on--

Mackie

Hey guys...NICELY DONE.

Liked it all but this was real cool....

11,12 ... Your scorin' a goal
I scream "that's my boy"

and the cool guitar break was sweet.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

I've got a little boy coming up on one year. There is nothing that can make every moment in your life leading up to that moment your child is born seem insignificant. Got me reaching for a Puffs Plus on the chorus...outstanding work.

Dave,

This sounds real good. I really like the bass. I like the mellow guitar answers, but think it's a bit too mellow for the song style. I would use a little different tone effect--but all of us have preferences with tones, so it's not like one is wrong or right I guess. I like a more basic clear tone for pop,(and this song) heavier and more distortion for rock, and mellow for jazz or blues. The performance is certainly very good!

I also love the lyrics with this song and think the audience will enjoy and relate to the message. I remember this song the first time around--nice write!

(Edit) I just wanted to say that I applaud songwriter's that experiment with different sounds or arrangements at times that might go against "convention," as we the listener's sometimes get "conditioned" to what we think sounds best. As songwriting artists, one of the coolest things is the fact that we all approach the art in our own way! How many times did the "Beatles" come out with a new album with sounds, arrangements that became "new trends?" Just wanted to make that statement, to bring attention that my thoughts or take on a song undoubtedly have been influenced by convention and bias.

steady-eddie.

Chad and Travis,

Thx much for the kind comments. They are much appreciated.

Dave

Ha, ha -- pretty good song, I enjoyed listening and reading the lyrics. It just rolls along, just like the years.

Hi Dave -- Wow -- this is GORGEOUS-- I love it!!! But, even your happy songs make me teary-eyed! Something in your voice....could you please just sing a happy song that's not poignant and doesn't evoke that emotion?!! Thanks! -- Lisa

Thx Mackie and Calvin for the listen. For those that don't get bored looking at another's home movies, so to speak, here is a video diary I did of the subject of this song (my son), backed by the original version, just guitar and vocals.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f-KgueFT0U

Hey Dave,

I always liked the original version. This one is very nice too but to my ears I kind of feel like the words and music are sometimes a little out of sync. It's probably just me... Anyway, congrats on another fine collaboration!!

Best Days,
Bryan

Hey Blackwater Music,

Thx much for the listen and your kind comments. Enjoy your son ... They grow up quick.

Dave

Hey Ed ... thx for the detailed critique. I always appreciate your thoughts. Definately some suggestions to think about. Kevin, thx as well for the listen. I am glad you liked it and appreciate your comments.

Dave

Alright Dave,this is pretty cool!I'm diggin' the melody and the lyrics are just the right stuff!Mike

Hey Lisa ,

Thx much for the listen and appreciate the kind comments. Sorry for the tears but I am glad the song has the ability to sti some emotions. Always appreciate your time spent listening and commenting. B.K. Thx as well. Looking forward to another collab if I can ever get myself out of this current block I seem to b in.

Dave

A sweet sentiment and story.
Very clever / creative chorus.

You guys did a real bang up job with the music and the mix.

Expressive vocals

Hi Again, Dave -- I actually think that happy songs that make you cry are the most brilliant songs of all. -- Lisa

Hey Michael and Nelson,

Thx much for the listen and your kind comments. Appreciate you stopping by and giving this a listen.

Dave

This is a great song. Very hard for me to come up with anything negative about the lyrics, melody, or production. I will parrot what Eddie said though. I was thinking very similar to him when I was listening thinking the music is too "safe" sounding. Which may not be the same thing he is saying but close. I could hear this being rocked up a little more at least in the chorus.

Like I said this is a good song and I like it. I think a little less conservation would go a long way for what its worth.

Ricky

Definitely the best song of yours that I have heard. It brings Harry Chapin immediately to mind (Cat's In The Cradle) and I absolutely love the rockin' music behind this one and your very solid and sentimental vocals. If that's you singing it's really very good and the tone suits the song perfectly.

The writing is also top-notch throughout the song with tight rhymes and touching details that really bring the parenting experience into clear view. Your always taking a chance with a changing chorus but I think the nature of this song calls for it and I personally enjoyed how the child grew up more with each singing of the chorus.

Very impressive work throughout on this one. I enjoyed it a lot.

APPLAUSE-APPLAUSE!!!

A Really-Touching "Parents' Song" Amigo...Very Nicely-Done!!!

Good Luck with a Winner!!!

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

("Hats-Off" to Paul Too!!!)