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Joined: Nov 2008
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Hi guys, this is a lyric I posted on this month's lyrical contest on the Muses Muse, another music website I frequent, it got 3rd...please let me know what you like or dislike about this one....I tried to make it where it could be from the point of view of a childhood friend, a mom, a dad, a boyfriend, girlfriend, hubby, wife...and how much they miss those days in December and now miss the person for whatever reason they are gone
Thanks, Kim
Day in December
We used to love the store front windows
all lit up on Main Street
the resonating sound in our chest
from a parade's drum beat
We had a blast picking out the saddest
marked down Charlie Brown tree
Cause once we decorated it with love,
it was pretty as could be
Chorus
I remember a day in December
Back when you were still with me
But this year, since youre not here
Its just another day in December to me
We would sip on homemade wassail
while we waited for snow
Then watch Its a Wonderful Life again
beside a warm fire glow
Wed take long walks through the woods
down to that special Live Oak
cause the season was always more fun
when we found some mistletoe
Chorus
I remember a day in December
Back when you were still with me
But this year, since youre not here
Its just another day in December to me
Bridge
My friends send me party invitations
To get me in the Christmas spirit again
But they will just have to be patient
I cant celebrate yet or pretend
because
I remember a day in December
Back when you were still with me
But this year, since youre not here
Its just another day in December to me
Yeah, this year, since youre not here
Its just another day in December to me
Kimberly Kime BMI All Rights Reserved 2013
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,339 Likes: 6
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Hello Kim. "Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!" "What do I like about this?" I like the images and the picture you painted. Your choice of words really created something to see. Whether or not you captured all the point of views that you tried to do I do not know. It reads/sings more from the point of view an adult who has lost their love. Which works. "What don't I like?" Nothing. It flows and it goes.  Congrads on the 3rd place. douglas
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 784
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Hi Kim, I really liked these lines because I could connect to them:
We had a blast picking out the saddest
marked down Charlie Brown tree
Cause once we decorated it with love,
it was pretty as could be
Where I think you could be stronger is developing your hook some more, making the chorus stronger and more descriptive. As a reader/listener, I was left asking why? Why is the person not there anymore? Why did he/she leave? Death,, cheating/divorce, etc? I feel like you haven't told the whole story yet, ie more development with the details. Good start for sure, but I try and develop it even more. GL!
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
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Hi Kim and congrats!
I really like this because it's sweet, and it has love written all over it!
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
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Hi Kim,
This is sweet and sad and lovely!
It's interesting...because the day is Christmas, I kept wanting Jesus to step in to help her! Not that it would work in the song...I just kept hoping!!
Lisa
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Hello Kim. "Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!" To you too Douglas! "What do I like about this?" I like the images and the picture you painted. Your choice of words really created something to see. Whether or not you captured all the point of views that you tried to do I do not know. It reads/sings more from the point of view an adult who has lost their love. Which works. "What don't I like?" Nothing. It flows and it goes. Congrads on the 3rd place. douglas Thanks, I may work on this one some more...especially if I can get someone to start a melody on it, usually once that happens, I end up making lyrical changes...especially if I take it to a songu class and a couch makes suggestions too...then I let 'er rip...;) I am glad you liked it. Kimberly
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Hi Kim, I really liked these lines because I could connect to them:
We had a blast picking out the saddest
marked down Charlie Brown tree
Cause once we decorated it with love,
it was pretty as could be
Where I think you could be stronger is developing your hook some more, making the chorus stronger and more descriptive. As a reader/listener, I was left asking why? Why is the person not there anymore? Why did he/she leave? Death,, cheating/divorce, etc? I feel like you haven't told the whole story yet, ie more development with the details. Good start for sure, but I try and develop it even more. GL! I was attempting to do it where the story could be a number of reasons, like the song Merry Christmas Darling by Karen Carpenter, it just says, she wishes they were together but does not say what happened... I did this to try to appeal to more listeners...but maybe that is not the right route to go...something to think about I suppose..I am glad you liked the charlie brown reference, others on another site did not... thanks for taking time to comment and read it Kimberly
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Hi Kim and congrats!
I really like this because it's sweet, and it has love written all over it! Thanks so much...:) Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Lisa...yes, Jesus can fix anything. Kimberly
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
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Hey Kim,
My thoughts as I read the lyric was that the repeat of the word "December" in the last line of the chorus was a little too much for the short chorus.
I felt like I wanted it to say "It's just another Day to me".....and then like another poster thought, maybe expand the thought slightly. However, as you pointed out, a melody can move a lyric in a direction that you hadn't thought of yet, and so.....LOL.
I liked it tho....just seemed like the meter that I was feeling made my mind read it as I noted. Good luck!
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,710
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Kim, the first two lines are very descriptive. But line 3 is a clunker. Chests don't resonate from a drum beat...at least not very loudly. But that should be easy enough to fix and the rest of verse 1 is fine. And the chorus is fine.
In verse 2 I'm baffled by "Live Oak." What's that? The rest of the verse is fine.
The first 2 lines of the bridge are also fine. But lines 3 and 4 ring false. Why would they have to be patient and waiting on you? They're going to have a party. It will go on without you. So why not simply say something like "But I don't feel like celebrating so why should I pretend?"
Anyway, just some thoughts of mine. This is a well written lyric. Keep up the good work.
Last edited by Dan Sullivan; 01/04/14 12:05 AM.
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Kim, I just noticed there was some comment suggesting you tell in more detail why the singer's alone this Christmas. Remember, you're not writing a novel, an epic poem or even a short story. You're writing a song. This one is complete as it is.
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Hey Kim,
My thoughts as I read the lyric was that the repeat of the word "December" in the last line of the chorus was a little too much for the short chorus.
I felt like I wanted it to say "It's just another Day to me".....and then like another poster thought, maybe expand the thought slightly. However, as you pointed out, a melody can move a lyric in a direction that you hadn't thought of yet, and so.....LOL.
I liked it tho....just seemed like the meter that I was feeling made my mind read it as I noted. Good luck!
Thanks, I am still thinking on how to make some slight changes to this one and I appreciate you taking time to read it and comment...:) Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Kim, I just noticed there was some comment suggesting you tell in more detail why the singer's alone this Christmas. Remember, you're not writing a novel, an epic poem or even a short story. You're writing a song. This one is complete as it is. Thanks Dan, I tend to agree with you...I know of songs like Merry Christmas Darling by the beautiful Karen Carpenter, it said we're apart, that's true..it did not say why..neither did Please Come Home for Christmas by the Eagles..the person could be gone due to war, in jail, or a break up...I believe at times leaving it wide open can make it appeal to a larger audience...something I will think on for sure... thanks so much KIM
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Kim, the first two lines are very descriptive. But line 3 is a clunker. Chests don't resonate from a drum beat...at least not very loudly. But that should be easy enough to fix and the rest of verse 1 is fine. And the chorus is fine. I would think a chest would resonate with the beat, I know when I was a kid and standing next to a parade, you could feel that beat deep in your chest from a drum...maybe another word would work better??In verse 2 I'm baffled by "Live Oak." What's that? The rest of the verse is fine. Live Oak is something around here, and mostly all over the USA from what I have read...I did look it up before using it..here is one of like 4 places I researched...http://www.sptreefarm.com/interesting-facts-about-live-oak-trees.htmlThe first 2 lines of the bridge are also fine. But lines 3 and 4 ring false. Why would they have to be patient and waiting on you? They're going to have a party. It will go on without you. So why not simply say something like "But I don't feel like celebrating so why should I pretend?" Not waiting on them having the party, of course they would go ahead and have their party, I meant it as waiting for me to be ready to go to a party...maybe I need to re-word it... Anyway, just some thoughts of mine. This is a well written lyric. Keep up the good work. Thanks, I hope my answers helped some but if people are questioning meanings then it is something I have to look at for sure.. KIM
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
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