|
8 members (Bill Draper, texritter, Fdemetrio, Michael W. Brown, bennash, Everett Adams, 2 invisible),
22,692
guests, and
5,363
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
néomÃ
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Major rewrite of one of my oldies.
Where it All Began
Copyright © 2003/2014 David Fontaine
He's played all the stages
The Opry to Vegas
Took country to far away shores
He's been all these places
Seen so many faces
Spanned the globe, ten times or more
He’s come such a distance
Torn screen doors, hot chitlins
To cold crystal and five star hotels
He ain’t gettin’ younger
Can't explain all the wonder
Why so many still love all his tales
Of back where it all began
Back to that flat patch of land
Where the crickets still sing lullabies to your dreams
And the river and mem'ries run deep
Where a man will get home anyway he can
Back where it all began
Now every note lingers
In his wearied fingers
When the spotlight goes down each show
And every next morning
Brings a painful new warning
His ole’ heart, says it's near time to go
Back where it all began
Back to that flat patch of land
Where the crickets still sing lullabies to your dreams
And the river and mem'ries run deep
Where a man will get home anyway he can
Back where it all began
The news, it just broke this morning
Dropped to my knees, right where I stood
I knew dad would fin'ly get on home
The only way that he ever could.....
Short pause
Back where it all began
Back to this flat patch of land
Where the crickets still sing lullabies to our dreams
And the river and mem'ries run deep
Where a man will get home anyway he can
Back where it all began
Where a man will get home anyway he can
Back where it all began
Last edited by David Fontaine; 09/01/14 04:12 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,380 Likes: 8
Top 10 Poster
|
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,380 Likes: 8 |
Hi Cousin,
This is one hell of a good story and reads and sings well,even for a guy whose voice sounds like a goose farting in the fog.It's a long lyric but needed I guess to tell the tale.
I like these story songs and have written a few myself so I know you must have done a few writes before posting.
No suggestions just good luck with it
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
Top 50 Poster
|
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210 |
Major rewrite of one of my oldies.
Where it All Began
Copyright © 2003/2014 David Fontaine
He's played all the stages
The Opry to Vegas
Took country to far away shores
He's been all these places
Seen so many faces
Spanned the globe, ten times or more
He’s come such a distance
Torn screen doors and chitlins
To cold crystal and five star hotels
He ain’t gettin’ younger
Can't explain all the wonder
Why so many still love all his tales
Of back where it all began
Back to that flat patch of land
Where the crickets still sing lullabies to your dreams
And the river and mem'ries run deep
Where a man will come home anyway he can- I feel like here you are trying to say a man will always miss his home and wanna come back so perhaps it would be clearer to say where a man will GET home anyway he can...or make it home anyway he can, to me come home sounds like an easier feat.
Back where it all began
Now every note lingers
In his wearied fingers
When the spotlight goes down each show
And every next morning
Brings a painful new warning
His ole’ heart, says it's near time to go
Back where it all began
Back to that flat patch of land
Where the crickets still sing lullabies to your dreams
And the river and mem'ries run deep
Where a man will come home anyway he can
Back where it all began
The news, it just broke this morning
Dropped to knees, right there where I stood
I knew now dad would fin'ly come home
The only way that he ever could.....
Short pause
Back where it all began
Back to this flat patch of land
Where the crickets still sing lullabies to our dreams
And the river and mem'ries run deep
Where a man will come home anyway he can
Back where it all began
Where a man will come home anyway he can
Back where it all began This is beautifully written--perhaps consider telling us why one would wanna come back home, are they tired of the road and if so, why? but then again I think everyone mostly misses something about their home and maybe they just relate to his songs for that reason and its a common feeling and not just his. Kimberly
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hey my overseas cousin!  I'm very glad you liked this one, and correct you are. This one has seen a lot of changes in the last couple of weeks that I've been working on it. Funny how some just come to you, and others require more hand crafting.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hi Kimberly,
not only did I like your suggestion on "get", I've already made the changes. Thanks for the good call.
I think part of what I want people to feel is just that, the feeling of home which you speak of. The crickets, the dreams, the rivers, didn't need the money, the memories, etc.
Again, thanks for the suggestions and kind words.
David
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Top 50 Poster
|
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909 |
Everything fine but this sections seems bumpy...the TORN almost reads to apply to chitlins...
He’s come such a distance
Torn screen doors and chitlins
To cold crystal and five star hotels
He’s come such a distance
Torn screen doors in kitchens
To cold crystal and five star hotels
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hi Neil, you would pick out what's been them most problematic line in the whole lyric!  Haha! Well, when you're right you're right. I knew it, now I've got validation! I knew this is what I wanted to say, because when I was a kid, I remember how the screens would get all baggy and torn, from us kids pushing on them to open the doors. I also want chitlins in there for down home reasons, lol. When you said it felt like the TORN almost carried over to the chitlins it was clear as mud! That was the problem, and I actually think I've solved it. Not only did I solve that I added a contrasting word for the next line! Two birds, one stone! Again thanks buddy! David
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 630
Top 500 Poster
|
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 630 |
David, Some good advice here. Some additional food for thought: This line: Where the crickets still sing lullabies to your dreams It sounds good. Then you realize the crickets are singing your dreams to sleep. Maybe the crickets could sing lullabies as you dream? Dropped to knees, right there where I stood --- to... Dropped to my knees, right where I stood? This is an excellent story as it is. Dave
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
sounds like the story of an old bluesman.i like it.Mike
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Top 50 Poster
|
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909 |
Hi Neil, you would pick out what's been them most problematic line in the whole lyric! Haha! Well, when you're right you're right. I knew it, now I've got validation! I knew this is what I wanted to say, because when I was a kid, I remember how the screens would get all baggy and torn, from us kids pushing on them to open the doors. I also want chitlins in there for down home reasons, lol. When you said it felt like the TORN almost carried over to the chitlins it was clear as mud! That was the problem, and I actually think I've solved it. Not only did I solve that I added a contrasting word for the next line! Two birds, one stone! Again thanks buddy! David good change...carry on 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hi Dave,
thank for the read and suggestions. The bridge change was a no brainer, so that's done. While I do understand what you're saying on the cricket line, I'm going to have to give that one some thought. Again, thank you so much.
David
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hi Mike,
thanks for the read my friend. Glad you enjoyed it!
David
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Thank you Neil! David
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
It's all looking good from here, David.
Vic
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
Top 20 Poster
|
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1 |
David--
I love the title--Keep up the good work!
Write on--
Mackie
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hi Vic,
thanks for the read. It's always greatly appreciated.
David
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hello Mackie,
thanks for the read and kind words. I really appreciate your time.
David
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,411
Top 100 Poster
|
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,411 |
Hey David
A very nice write with a great story. Nicely done.
Cheers
Joe
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
|
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
Hi David,
I love it -- it gave me goosebumps when I realized it was his dad!
One of my favorite songs is Fogelberg's' "Leader of the Band." We know from the beginning it's his father and that makes it all the more poignant.
I wonder if this might be even more poignant if we somehow knew from the beginning that he was singing about his dad?
Just a random thought -- it's beautiful as is!
Lisa
|
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
|
Forums118
Topics128,857
Posts1,185,022
Members21,479
| |
Most Online236,505
Jul 1st, 2026
|
|
|
"The music industry is filled with risk takers, but not so filled with people who educate themselves before taking the leap." –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|
