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néomí
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
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Joined: Jun 2011
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OP
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LAST TIME I SAW ALICE
She was clearing tables in a greasy spoon
ass movin' in time to a Merle Haggard tune
Wanted to reach out and grab me a piece
but I'd got kinda attached to my front teeth
She had busy feet the diner was buzzin'
which she ran with Audrey a second cousin
Tried to catch her blue eyes i chanced a smile
looked at me knew what I was thinking all the while
She said,darlin'
Guys like you are a dime a dozen, I clean their tables every day
serve their coffee, ham and eggs,they think it'll always be that way
Go home to your wife and kids that little home shinning like a palace
here's your bill, don't forget the tip, the last time i saw Alice
She gave me a wink which put me at ease
wiggled her rear, turned laughed and teased
Darlin' be home late tonight been so busy
We've been married five years, this coming January
Just a little game we play, cause that's how we met
Guys like you are a dime a dozen, I clean their tables every day
serve their coffee, ham and eggs,they think it'll always be that way
Go home to your wife and kids that little home shinning like a palace
here's your bill, don't forget the tip, the last time i saw Alice
Last edited by Travis david; 09/03/14 08:37 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Very nice, Travis.
A believable situation which most guys can identify.
Maybe need to tidy up the last verse which looks a little vague on the last two lines.
Vic
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Well, I think it's cute and I like the turn around, had me going there for a while...but love it....
glyn
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Joined: Mar 2008
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Nice little twist Travis! Could hear a tune playing in my head while reading... Always a good sign!
Tom
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Thanks for the visit Vic yes i think those two lines need a rethink
Travis
PS CHANGED THEM A LITTLE.
Last edited by Travis david; 09/03/14 08:38 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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hi Glyn
thanks for the comment
travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Cheers Tom I appreciate your comments
TRAVIS
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
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a real nice turn around Travis,yeah what Vic said and it'll be good to go.Mie
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Joined: Sep 2009
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Travis--
I like this one--In the song she could be in Dallas!
Write on
Mackie
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Joined: Jun 2011
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thanks for the comment and sugg Mackie, there's a rewrite coming
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
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Am wondering if this piece was in any way inspired by the classic 1970's movie "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore"? This was the first thing that came to my mind when I began reading it. Speaking of Merle Haggard, wasn't "Alice" the name of the subject of one of his hit songs even though not the actual title. I believe the song was "Holding Things Together".
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Not heard that song Brian I'll have to catch up on my Merle.No it was a take on the movie Last time I saw Paris lol.No Alice.Cheers thanks for looking by
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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