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JPF is Back
by John Lawrence Schick - 07/31/26 11:55 AM
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néomÃ
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3 |
a girl that thought she was ugly
I stood Her before the mirror..
and asked what do you see...
Do You see the Ocean green
in Your eyes..the clarity..
do You see the smile..
wanting to break from your lips..
do You see the fine lines..so distinct.
Do you imagine a flower...right about here..
or a ribbon..
gracing the flow of Your hair..
and do You see hearts melting..
if You shed a tear.
Do You see kindness and forgiveness..
all wrapped up and waiting..
Do You see past the mirror?...
A tear launched from Her eye..
my god... what are you looking at...Your Reflection....
Copyright © Vincent ... [2003-08-15 15:05:00]
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,419 Likes: 4
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,419 Likes: 4 |
I love what you have going here, Lane. Great last stanza (particularly the "My god, what are you looking at" line, which to me really captures how we somehow can never quite believe the beauty and good others see within us.) I think you can do away with the first line--the poem itself conveys that implicitly. I might consider deleting some lines--for example, "the clarity" and "so distinct" in the first stanza--only because I don't think it adds much and distracts from the poetic effect. Really, really, nicely done.
Regards,
Deej
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