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Please nit pick! I'm trying to work on a melody for this too. It seems to be coming out as a country ballad.

Charlann

BACK TO HOME

This used to be home.
I turned my back and walked away
And left my home behind.
With secrets hiding behind the tears.
Not wanting to show those tell-tale signs.

Walked away as fast as I could.
Telling no one the secret I kept within.
Revealing itself slowly
In front of strangers in a strange place.
Far away from home.

CHORUS
It's time.
Time to go home.
Twenty years away have been so long,
A lifetime even.
Her lifetime,
away from you,
away from home.

The lights of home shone in her eyes since the day she was born.
She has your smile and your laugh,
Both things I thought I left behind.
Behind in my life,
Away from home.

CHORUS
It's time.
Time to go home.
Twenty years away have been so long,
A lifetime even.
Her lifetime,
away from you,
away from home.

I'm coming home to you.
Bringing the past with me.
Returning to where her life started.
I've been away from home too long.
I need to be back home.

©charlannshepherd2007

Hi Charlann,
You've got a good story. If the first two sections are verses one and two, seems they'd be tough to sing to the same melody. I take the section after the first C to be a bridge?
The main problem with the story I'd see is that "I'm coming home to you'----if it's been twenty years, looks like she could expect things to be entirely different by then as far as "coming home to you"
I'll try to get back and see if you explain it a bit
Wy

Hi Charlann

I think ten or fifteen years might work better for the storyline. A twenty year old would have the right to say I'm not gonna go with you.... just a thought jm

How about if I changed 20 years to "the years"???

I think that the change may actually help the melody.

Thanks for the nits!

Charlann

Yep, "The years" would work IMO
I'd think it'd sing better too
Good luck with it
Wy

I like this Story too, Charlann.... Glad the years will sing better... I think it takes away that red flag...on time....

best to you.....
Keep Writing..
Kaley...

How's this revision? I combined the first two verses. I think it's a bit more singable now.

charlann

BACK TO HOME

This used to be home.
I turned my back and walked away
And left my home behind.
Walked away as fast as I could.
Telling no one the secret I kept within.

CHORUS
It's time.
Time to go home.
Twenty years away have been so long,
A lifetime even.
Her lifetime,
away from you,
away from home.

The lights of home shone in her eyes since the day she was born.
She has your smile, your laugh,
Things I thought I left behind.
Behind in my life,
Away from home.

CHORUS
It's time.
Time to go home.
Twenty years away have been so long,
A lifetime even.
Her lifetime,
away from you,
away from home.

I'm coming home to you.
Bringing the past with me.
Returning to where her life started.
I've been away from home too long.
I need to be back home.

©charlannshepherd2007

BACK TO HOME © 2007 by Charlann Shepherd. All Rights Reserved
(Should title be Away From Home?)

This used to be home. (5 syllables so 5 notes to sing) (Sounds like she's already home again so in the chorus I'd say, Time to COME home) If you want a longer line you could say, THIS LITTLE TOWN USED TO BE HOME 8 syll)
I turned my back and walked away (8 syllables)
And left my home behind. (6) (And left my LONGTIME home behind 8 syl)
Walked away as fast as I could. (8 syll. but she walked away in the 2nd line already so you could say something else here, I FORGOT as fast as I could, or something)
Telling no one the secret I kept within. (11 syllables. Could drop I KEPT, 9 syll)
(Told no-one the secret within. 8 syl)
CHORUS
It's time, time to COME home. (6) (time FOR US to COME..would be 8 syll)
THE years away have been so long, (8)
A lifetime even, her lifetime, (8)
away from you, Away From Home. (8)

The lights of home SHINE in her eyes (8)
AND HAVE since the day she was born. (8)
She has your smile, your laugh, (6) (Could say, has YOUR EYES, your smile...)
Things I thought I'D LONG left behind. (8)
Behind in my lifeTIME, (6) (These shorter lines work here)
Away From Home. (4)

REPEAT CHORUS

I'm coming home to you. (7) (We're coming home to be with you (8)
Bringing the past with me. (7) (Bringing the past to its old home (8)
Returning to where her life started. (9)
I've been away from home too long. (10)
I need to be back home. (6)

So, if you took my changes, here's how it would go.
BACK TO HOME © 2007 by Charlann Shepherd. All Rights Reserved

THIS LITTLE TOWN USED TO BE HOME
I turned my back and walked away
And left my LONGTIME home behind
I FORGOT as fast as I could,
Told no-one the secret within. ( secret inside would rhyme 'behind')

CHORUS
It's time, time FOR US to COME home.
THE years away have been so long,
A lifetime even, her lifetime,
away from you, Away From Home.

The lights of home SHINE in her eyes
AND HAVE since the day she was born.
She has your smile, YOUR EYES, your laugh,
Things I thought I'D LONG left behind.
Behind in my lifeTIME,
Away From Home.

REPEAT CHORUS

IWe're coming home to be with you
Bringing the past to its old home
Returning to where her life started.
I've been away from home too long.
I need to be back home.

Hi Charlann,

This is a very sweet one. I like Gary's changes, as I think he cleared up what I thought was a tad confusing -- the verse about the daughter. I also like starting the last verse with "we're."

I love the line about home shining in her eyes!

Lisa

Gary, I LOVE IT!

You've definitely helped me clear up the confusing lines.

I'd still like to see if I can come up with a bridge before the last chorus, but I've come to a mindblock here. What do you think?

Charlann