JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Even the Candles Cried

This is a beautiful song I've written with Rebecca Dale...a simple guitar and vocal demo has me very enthusiastic about the potential of this song, we are pitching it and wanted you guys to have a chance to listen...again, there is a place on her site where the song is to find the lyric or I have posted it over on lyric 3...Thanks...Moker

Even the Candles Cried
http://www.soundclick.com/pro/view/...&CONFILTERED=song&songID=5334057

Hello!
First, I'd like to state that the concept of "Even the Candles Cried" is one I find to be a very hard-hitting emotional statement. Second, there is an inherent magic in this song, but I feel it needs a small bit of flushing out.

Here are my thoughts, which are given out of respect for the strength of this song and a sincere wish to see it reach its intended place.

I wish the hook didn't change lyrically from the first time to the following times. For me, I wish the lyrics would stay the same but the meaning would change when you apply the words to a husband and then to Jesus. In this way, you keep the hook the hook, but you still get the strong message across. In both instances, you are speaking about a "he" so it should be relatively simple to do this type of "double meaning" hook. (I would actually have the same lyrical hook apply to all three different verses. It would be very cool to develop the song where she gives birth to a baby boy and "even the candles cried" could somehow refer to the candles on his birthday cake, but this time for joy. It would take the journey full circle. But, that's just how I think, and it wouldn't necessarily change the impact of your song. I just love the premise and got excited. You really have something here.)

There are only a few, other minor things that I, personally, would tweak, but I'm not a hit country songwriter yet....so please accept my critique knowing how strong I feel this song is and how I feel it to be a true contender in Nashville.

Heidi

Nice tune Moker. Love that guitar work.. The 2nd verse is kindof awkward for me.. and I can't see the candles crying and Jesus in the same line of thoughts.. emotionally just doesn't work for me.. Maybe she could take a walk back home, jump in the tub, light some candles, gonna drink away her pain or something, then have the candles crying.

I love your melody as much on this side of the boards...as
the other Moker... Left my lyrical comment on board 3.
Heidi has given you an alternate way of strengthening the lyrics.
Rebecca writes excellent lyrics...it's just something is missing here....It doesn't feel complete.

best to you and good luck with this...
Kaley

Songs for Adults
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=8404
Songs for Kids:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=6469
Andy & Friends CD
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/kwwg
Kaley and Wy's Songs Put To Animation:
http://www.flashfast.com/kids/

Hi Moker...like this one..definately got potential...i like the "even the candles cried" in the restaurant, and in the church..
very nice imagery...makes it a nice story...i feel melody wise it is walking a straight road,if you get my drift...now only my opinion,but i dont think you need the bridge...i listened to this cut 3 times....the bridge could be a nice weeping guitar solo...then a say half note key change taking you back into the "hook"..to finish the song...i know it is a pretty basic production,but it has great potential with a full production..and a few tweaks here and there lyric and music wise..i wish you well,enjoyed the listen,thanks for sticking this one up,...Good Luck..Terry Moore

Heidi,
I've yet to meet you so first, Hi and nice to meet you. Your suggestions are very insightful...personally I'm not as concerned with the little change in the chorus. The hook, which is "Even the Candles Cried", does stay in tact , it's the supporting lines that change, and the melody holds course so as not to confuse the listener who isn't hanging on every word, there's alot of those. The suggestion about the baby is a cool idea, I'll mention it to my co-writer, but what I must also mention is that I have had to speed up the tempo twice on this song already to keep it in a pitchable time frame, much over 4 minutes and they just about pitch it in file 13 for you...ha...we did run this by a hit writer before we did the demo, and there are still a few things I'd like to change, but it is being received well so far and I've just had it ready for a couple of days. The other thing I noticed in your comments is that you said you are not a hit country writer yet, that is a statement I admire alot as I am a very positive and focused person myself. Best of luck to you and I appreciate your time, comments, and look forward to seeing some of your work sometime. Moker

Kaley,
thanks for peekin' in, I'll pass the kind comments onto Dale...Moker

Louis,
hope all is well, I'm glad you stopped in and I'll tell my co-writer to come check the lyric comments out, thanks...Moker

Hi Moker,
This is a very pretty song. I love the melody on "even the candles cried..." --very nicely done and it sounds like a strong demo. I like how it went from being sad, to her knowing where to turn when she needed help.

When it gets a cut, then you can worry about any nitpicks the artist may have, right?

Good luck with it! It sounds like a solid country song. I'm not an expert on country, so... there's just my listening opinion. It held my interest through the whole song and has solid sound quality.

Oh--and Heidi does have an MP3 or two on the board--scroll down a little ways, you'll see them. She has an AMAZING voice, too!

Linda

I think your vocal is so cool!Man you can sing and a nice tune

Terry,
thanks for the listen and the comments, as you well know songs go through a transformation process called rewriting, which this one has gone through twice already even though it's only been written for 2-3 weeks now...it will probably change here and there if we are able to get it placed...I would love to do a whining guitar solo where that bridge is myself, but I tend to stay away from solos when I am doing demos to pitch, now for my own record, that's a different story...ha...thanks again...Moker

Hi Moker,

This is a beautiful tune. Is that you singing? Playing guitar?. Both are very excellent. Sooo tasty.

I commented on this at songwriter. I wondered about the using the changed chord progression at 1:41 compared to V1. IMO it's maybe confusing.

Peace,

Ian

Linda,
it's been a long time...hope you are well, thanks for the thumbs up and the tip to give Heidi's voice a listen...We are trying to find this song a home. Now that we have a decent demo, atleast we'll be fishing with live bait...ha...Thanks again...Moker

You guys have a nice unique hook. That's a good start. I think you have a shot with this one. It's memorable and it has a nice sound.

Good luck.

Rick

Hey Moker,
Heidi again. Just wanted to say that, while I appreciate Linda's support of my voice, I am truly a better writer than a singer. Linda is very inspiring!

In your case, I feel you have both areas pretty much nailed! Loved your voice, your attitude and your talent. Much luck to you! Perhaps you can give me a lesson on how to pitch songs in Nashville some time. I'm working on a trip there in the near future.

Heidi

Michael,
wish I could take credit for the vocal, it is Dennis Parker, a back up singer for Tracy Lawrence whom we hire to sing on demos, I am more of a pop rock singer and when I sing country...well I let the country guys do that...ha...I have alot of my pop rock stuff listed at soundclick if you wanna check out the pop rock stuff...thanks...Moker

Moker and Rebecca.....Very nice tune....sounds great...really good demo....just my thoughts on this....you can s-can it....I might have written "It seemed that.....even the candles... cried"...seems to sing good....I like it....Bob

Ian,
I had already flagged that spot for the session leeader to edit, we also have made a few lyric adjustments which will be in an edit session soon, we want to keep all lights green for this one, although I have been a guitarist a long time, that happens to be Jason Roller on guitar, and yeah he is a smart player,thanks for the comments and the listen...Moker

Moker, Already commented on this with Peaden on the other board. I think this is one of the strongest yet. Perfect voice for the demo. Guitarwork is fabulous. Best of luck with this one.

Kelly

Rick,
thanks for lending your ears, I'm just up the road from you and am hopeful to write something that makes it on the air soon...Moker

Heidi,
well I'm afraid I can't take credit for the vocal...ha...the melody line and chord structure yes, but the actual vocal track is Dennis Parker, I am more of a pop/rock singer which I have alot posted at my soundclick and myspace site's that are my vocal, so the first thing about pitching I've learned the hard way is let a genre specific pro do the vocal track...ha...this guy tours with Tracy Lawrence and can handle most everything we throw at him from uptempo to ballads...thanks again...Moker

Howdy Moker...and a special hello to Rebecca Dale!

There are so few flaws with this one, as I see it, I think that they have all been covered in previous replies, so I'll spare everyone the redundancy. It's a super lyric and great arrnagement. And Dennis does one heck of a job on the vocals! This is the epitome of the perfect match of voice, lyrics and arrangement.

What few minor flaws there are can easily be addressed during prep for the recording. This one is a winner! Best of luck to both of you!

Al

Bob,
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, with friends like you we won't need luck, just great songs...I think we addressed that issue in a lyric rewrite, we are getting rid of all the stop lights for ths one...appreciate ya...Moker

Kelly,
thanks for keepin' Dale and I pumped up about it, to push a song over the top takes a lot of energy and drive, once you have a great song the work is just starting. I just try and stay positive everyday and consider the source and wisdom of all negativity, if it's from a hit writer then I do a little research on them and often find that I should be listening to their advice...thanks again...Moker

Al,
I have been on vacation so please forgive the tardy reply...Anna Maria Island is hard to pull away from even for music...ha...thanks so much for your encouragement on this song, I have pitched it a few places and will be pitching it to several more in the next couple of days. I guess keeping my fingers crossed won't work, but I hope somebody wants to cut this...thanks alot...Moker

Hey Buddy

This was really pretty man. Can hear it easily with what I seen on the tube lately.
I watch the videos of new songs no radio's around anymore

Give my best to Becca she works realluy hard at this and deserves so much for constant efforts she is real writer and an inspiration in the art of drive.
So are you pal...

I thnk only the arrangment may need a quick tweek and of course production is everything in this game..

I hope someone picks it up

What's going on here? -- lots of very professional sounding demos happening lately and I have been enjoying them all. No critiques, just wanted to drop by and say I enjoyed the tune and the vibe of your song!

Kevin

Sub,
encouragement from guys like you keeps me goin',cos you know I respect your work, and you know I ain't about to stop anyway...ha...but thanks alot for the listen...I have been writing alot with Dale, we both are very positive oriented and it's workin' out well, I'm really likin' the material we're comin' up with together and we are both pretty driven...so like always, put it out there...see ya...Moker

excellent production and vocals
pretty song

ande

Kevin,
thanks for taking the time to listen, I think this is one where lyric and music have blended well...Moker

Nice Job! I was a diskjockey and music director for about 14 years at a medium market radio...this song has hit potential if released at the right time...It sounds like something Alison Krouse and Union Station could do or even something she would produce at Rounder Records...musically I would not do anything to it since I think it sounds great in it's present form and I personally like lyrics that are deep and make you think and don't necessarily hit you strait up in the face...recording was very professional...keep up the good work and good luck on your pitch

Byron

Ande,
thanks for the listen, you know all too well that having a good song is only the beginning of the work...thanks for the encouragement...Moker

Byron,
thanks for the visit and the kudos...where were you a dj? I do hope someone picks this song up and gives it some airplay...thanks again...Moker

Moker...this melody is awesome my friend!! just soo soo beautiful..and the line about walking till she met the dawn...cool!

Moker: Man. Very Nice! It has the cold chill factor. Great song for the two of you. Steve

Heather,
we are pitching this, keep your fingers crossed for us...thanks for the listen and the comments...Moker

Let us know how this comes out, Moke. It's an awesome tune, and with all the changes to the lyric, it has come along more than I thought it could when I first saw the hook.

Did you get the mail I sent you?
Ben

Stephen, thanks for the encouragement...I have high hopes for this song...I sure have enjoyed the time I've spent in West Virginia...rafting the New River and hanging out in Lewiston...now I wanna go stay at the Greenbriar...maybe someday...thanks again...Moker

Ben,
thank you my friend , for kindly stoppin' in, ya'll come back now, ya hear. I hope I'm soon postin' on the success stories board for this one, hell for any one of 'em...ha ...se ya...Moker

Ben,
your avatar took quite a change, that's some doctor you've got, I think you're gonna be a star...I did sign this with a music row publisher this week so , ya neva' know...Moker

cool song.



markus
stat songs publishing, ltd. (ascap)
www.soudnclick.com/markusky
www.myspace.com/markusky
statsongs@hotmail.com

Wow.... I really like this song. I'm not sure if you've incorporated the lyric changes/suggestions or not.... but I don't care (lol). Great melody, harmonizing and guitar work, singing.... etc.

I wish you the best with this one. (your other ones too)
Dave

Moker,
Incredible job in every aspect of the word. The title has intrigued me since I first saw it. I just came back to JPF a couple weeks ago after a couple years away and , I must say, this listen alone has made it all worth while. Thanks for posting. Great, GREAT job by all involved!
Stop by and have a listen to my Just Can't Stop(thinking of You) Don't know why but your tune got me thinking of that one.

http://www.soundclick.com/theeastsides2ndbestallstarband

Again, Thanks so much. Great Job!

R. T. Moore

Markus,
Cool song is a nice comment to get about something you've written, thanks...Moker

Dave, compliments like these from songwriters like you have me hoping the publisher we have signed this with finds a home for it that can get it on the air, thanks for the encouragement...Moker

RT,
thanks for the encouraging words, I'll stop in your click site and have alisten...see ya around here...Moker

Great story, beautiful ending... Best of all,
I also love the music for this, it works so well with the lyrics!!

Sounds like you've got a winner here!

Cheers & blessings!
Michael

Moker...i do belive Songu posted that this song got passed to some publishers?? is that right??? if so congrats!!! way cool !

Michael,
I have started to pay more attention to what the lyrics are saying and compose around the emotional feel the story creates. I had a hit writer tell me to start over with the music on a song a few months ago , that the music was going a different direction than the lyric and I have been keenly aware of it since then. Thanks for the comments...Moker

Remember that sunlight thru the stained glass in your eyes

Beautiful line, song, recording, and performance

Congrats Moker and Rebecca, really nice

Very professional