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JPF is Back
by John Lawrence Schick - 07/30/26 06:35 PM
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néomí
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
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Joined: Aug 2007
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have three songs that I consider presentable. This is the second. Wanted to know what some of yall thought. Click on this link, another song starts playing..click on "Let Me Die In Texas" http://myspace.com/martinjamesbandThanks Martin V1 Stopped into a church, Friday afternoon. Bent down at the alter, no one was around. Looked up at the Cross, I really don't know you well. I came here for a favor, I could think of no one else. So if you have a minute, to hear a heartfelt plea... I won't become a pest, this is all I really need. V2 I'll fight out wars, wherever country calls. I'll do honest work, in any corner of the earth. I'll respect all good people in all the lands I cross. But I beg one great favor in exchange for any cost. C Lemme die in Texas, lay me down in Texas earth. Throw Texas dirt on me, bluebonnets by my tomb. When I leave this world, let the portal I go through.,, Be big Texas sky colored Loan Star blue. Lemme die in Texas, wherever else life leads. V3 Momma talks of Grand dad, died before I's born, sometime before sunrise, on a West Texas farm. I know he's up in heaven, smiling on my song. When I go to meet him, wanna leave through Texas ground. Lemme die in Texas, wherever else life leads. C V4 I hear people say, its just another state. What's all thiss about Texas, makes Texas all that great. From Houston's highest highrise, to the cook at Dairy Queen. We all know we're Texans, we all know what that means. So let us die in Texas, wherever else life leads. C Let me die in Texas, I beg on bended knees.
Last edited by Martin James; 09/28/07 05:16 PM.
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MARTIN Please edit your thread and paste the lyrics .... Nice church intro.....sets up the story...Shows the love of his home .....Nicely sung fits the tune well My biggest suggestion is thus: I wouldn't of said the LET ME DIE IN TEXAS outside of the chorus cause you state it enuff in the chorus....I think you could have something more to say here to add to the song...Repetition in chorus brings home title without stating it in the verses...I know you want to die in texas from the chorus plenty Thats my take on it.... Well performed tune & sounds great.... Steve Altonian http://www.soundclick.com/stevealtonian
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Hi Martin.....First, excellent vocal. Second, really good music arrangement.
It's easier to crit the lyrics when we can have them in front of us.
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Really good, I didn't notice much of a rhyme pattern in the verses. I think it might even make it a little stronger.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Hey Martin:
Nice production. Love the intro - has a real feeling of longing to it....
Like the song alot too. Great hook! I do agree with Louis that there are some places the rhymes could be tightened.
Scott
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Very pretty song Martin!!
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Works well  Cheers
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MArtin....I think this darn good....the hook is great....this would be a big hit in Texas.....you have a very good voice....the ryhme thing didn't bother me....nice job, dude...Bob
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Sorry about not incuding the lyrics guys. I included them above. Thank you all for all the nice compliments. And...I do plan to become more involved. These internet forums are a little tricky. You can say things meaning no offense at all and have someone take it wrong.
I've gotten kinda careful, figured I'd wade in slow, and try to get a feel.... Anyways, thanks for listening
Last edited by Martin James; 09/28/07 05:17 PM.
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Martin you can edit your original thread and paste the lyrics there so its easier to see.. once agin nice tune Steve Altonian http://www.soundclick.com/stevealtonian
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Your verses are not uniform.
6 lines in V1
4 lines in V2
5 lines in V3
4 lines in V4.
and like others say, no solid rhyme scheme.
Gosh, with a vocal and backing like this, I probably wouldn't have even noticed. I think I'm in love. I'd drag you half dead back to Texas, behind my horse, if that's what you wanted.
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Your verses are not uniform.
6 lines in V1
4 lines in V2
5 lines in V3
4 lines in V4.
and like others say, no solid rhyme scheme.
Gosh, with a vocal and backing like this, I probably wouldn't have even noticed. I think I'm in love. I'd drag you half dead back to Texas, behind my horse, if that's what you wanted. That's good, right? j/k Thanks Marlene. I'm afraid I'm not the vocs on this one. It is the lead singer in my band. I'm a lead guitarist. I wrote and produced the song, but JD sang it. Soulful job, isn't it? Thanks again.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Scott and Marlene noted the major nits--as far as "commercial" prospects, that would hurt it.
The only other thing I'd note is that there was a really big and really good country "standard" that the punch line was ---
"When I Die Just Let Me Go To Texas"
Title was " Texas When I Die"
Your's is quite a lot different so don't know how big a problem it'd be
You've got a good song though
Good luck with it
Wy
Last edited by Wyman Lloyd; 09/29/07 10:07 PM.
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