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Diverge
by Michael W. Brown - 09/14/26 03:50 PM
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Pictures
by CTthomas - 09/13/26 07:10 PM
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This is classic Louis  Great simple delivery here - your voice is perfect for this. A tear-jerker alright.... Scott
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If the page is wet Louis, they are my tears. My only nit is you should've told me to have kleenex on hand.
Last edited by Lynn Orloff; 10/06/07 08:10 PM.
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Gosh Louis, this is so poignant.
Wouldn't this be over the top, with a young boy singing?
Excellent backing and music. Your lyrics are perfect.
Perfect as a newly bloomed rose.
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Thanks Scott, didn't put a lot of umph into the vocal. Got a 4 minute break between barking dogs this morning, lol.
Lynn, Yeah I'm sorry, should've put a hanky warning on this one.
Marlene, yes a young boy or just kids singing in the background would put it over the top, probably give everybody a breakdown or something.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis,
I don't think we've met before, but I'm glad I met you now.
This is so beautiful both lyrically and musically. Very, very nice...I can sure hear a small choir of children as some back-up for this one. That would just make it soar...IMHO...
I'm so glad that I listened. Very current with what's going on in the world...get it out there!!!
Sincerely,
Jan
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Thanks Jan, nice to meet you too, I agree children singing this would be over the top, sad to say this song probably is timely in any generation.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis:
What a beautiful song. Great story. It holds up very well with your simple delivery, but I could definitely hear it with a full production. Nice work.
Mark
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Thanks Mark, I appreciate you listening, wouldn't have a clue what might sound better on the production end of things.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Hey Louis,
What a great topic. Very well written. I agree with Marlene, very poignant.
I feel privileged to have listened. My husband served in the Marine Corps for 11 years. So this especially touched my heart. I have heard the story too many times.
Great job.
Sincerely,
Jacquee Rae
I want to write music that I can ultimately sing.  Check me Out on Myspace myspace.com/jacqueerae
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Hey Louis
This is very sad an poignant really enjoyed it. One thing I noticed was the singing has sort of lisp that takes away from the feel of it. Not sure if it's controlable but it needs to sound smoother. Other than that I love the lyric and the melody is really good as well.
Sincere Blessings
Derek
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Thanks Jacquee, yeah a too frequent story. Derek, a lisp? could be this tooth I'm missing, lol... I'll probably need to resing it , thanks
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis...this one tugs the heartstrings....I really like this one....it's wonderful....nice job on this Louis....t-bob
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Thanks T-Bob, appreciate you listening... I went back and tried my hand at some more production. I added a little lead part and a 2nd rhythmn on the chorus with my washburn electric/acoustic. so now I got 3 guitar tracks
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis....great lyric...for sure....yeah I like the additions...I must have played this in Hi-fi....you sounded like you were right here with me....
There's a good song that I really like called "Letters From War"...by Mark Shwartz....it has a happy ending, fools you at the start....man it's a great song....listen to it, if you haven't already....I'll guarentee you'll like it.....Louis have a good weekend....Bob
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T-Bob, thanks for coming back and listening to the updates, yep I guess you hear it better cause your only a coupla hours away from me, lol
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis....Yeah....nothin' like those tin cans with the strings attached.....
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The Alabama telephone company,inc...
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis...we have Wilkes Telephone and Electric....where we live...two in one....problem with your phone the electric goes out....vice versa....lol....actually they're not to bad....probably one of the few independents left in Georgia....
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God Bless the independents
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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This is such a well written tune.Your a machine!
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I know what T-Bob means. Your voice just jumps out on this one. Not loud - just present. You're right in your sweet-spot I think Lead guit sounds sweet too.... Scott
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Thanks Michael Scott, thanks for checking back
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Sounds good to me and a good story to run with Louis.
I wonder at continuity on it given it opens with there being a letter in the mailbox daddy wrote, and toward the end the tweo men came, which i take as Daddy won't be coming home or writing any more letters.
I may have missed something.
Graham
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Thanks Graham, yeah the continuity kindof stops, except his wife continues looking for a letter
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis,
I enjoyed the listen. Very nice. Tugs at the heartstrings. Good Job! Steve
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Louis:
I liked the additions. The electric guitar playing along to the melody of the chorus is effective.
As I listened again, I was struck by excellent production quality of the vocals. Your voice sounds as clear and clean as can be. Wow.
Mark
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Steve, thanks for listening Mark, thanks for stopping back by. Yeah I tried my hand at adding some stuff, it was fun. I added a touch more reverb to the vocals. I use a audiotechnica 2020 condensor mic. Graham, rewriting the 3rd verse
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis I noticed in 2 second the verb your using on your voice.. It's perfect! Vocal sounds thicker as well it's making the story even better!
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Hey thanks Sub, it's number 7 on the dial on my recorder, garage reverb..
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Thanks everybody for listening and commenting on this one, special thanks to Graham for not letting me settle on those lyrics in the 3rd verse, I changed them and remixed it. I think it might be even better http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=100639&songID=5844355
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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No sweat Louis.
It still isn't clicking in for me cstoryline wise though.
I think the first verse has to be changed to saying mom still keep the last letter daddy wrote, and shifted to the out area for it to work well.
I think I would make it more than two years also as given mom read what daddy said to the singer, suggests he was a very little kid then, and the sing is that of a mature person.
Maybe one who now cares for Mom who never recovered from losing daddy, and the singer really had to become man of the house.
Production is real good and suiteds here Louis.
Graham
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Hmm, can't add too many years, trying to keep an Iraq time frame, but I understand what your saying. Your idea's good about him actually becoming the man of the house, but again, the iraq time thing. Thanks Graham.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Well. It doesn't mention Iraq Louis, and I think an any war perspective gives it a chance at timelessness.
Not a bad trait to have in any song I am sure..
Sticking to the two years thing means you need a jamie redfern type to sing it.
Graham
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That's a good point Graham, timelessness is a good thing.... but on the other hand, there's always a conflict that's at least two years old it seems....
Last edited by Louis; 10/08/07 10:38 PM.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Yep.
But how many singers are there young enough to fit the time frame from the alst one, at any given time in life?
I named the last commercial kid singer I can think of.
And I can't even remember what songs he made it with.
All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front teeth????
Graham
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Yep, you were right Graham, I changed it again, 3rd times a charm. I put the new version up, I think you'll like it... I was trying not to get too autobiographical but ended up having to. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=100639&songID=5844355
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Yep I like it Louis.
But you are going to hate me maybe after this suggestion,
Try There's a letter on Mom's dressy that dady wrote.
That solves the continuity for me.
I would also change the us to me.
as no siblings are mentioned in the rest of the song.
Trick with autobiographicals is to not let anybody know if they are, or they aren't personal stuff.
If we do it right, it will seem they are to most.
I am still getting get well cards from the Prostate one from when i had that in first person.
Big mistake.
Keep at it Louis. It is sounding better all the time.
Graham
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lol... I'm gonna shoot ya Graham, I promised the wife no more changes, lol... About the dresser, that would work, but would make the kid look like he's snooping or something, lol. And if I used Me instead of us, that would mess up the 1st line of the 2nd verse, it would need changing. Not sure exactly what you mean about the continuity exactly, cause the cause and effect of the letter is in the 3rd verse now. I appreciate all your help, you certainly have stuck with me to make a better story.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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I'm ducking here Louis.
Way I read this is the kid is no longer a kid.
He is a grown man tending his mom who is not all that with it.
My sister and i tended our mom after Dad died and she had Alziemers, so that is where the thought comes from for me Louis.
Most times I would suggest listening to the wife.
This time I suggest you keep working this.
And start ducking.
Graham
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lol,, ok but not tonight,
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Dear Graham, after pondering your wonderful suggestions and losing a coupla hours sleep, I've decided to leave it as is. Your suggestions really are good and put the song in focus.. Focus being the mom and boy who grows up. But it would leave out "us" Us being the listeners who could identify with the song, boys/girls who have memories of their own words from daddy. See it's not about continuity, for "us" time stopped around all those memories. There is no continuity. The last two times I sing the chorus it's not so much literal as it is a rememberance of things from the past. So I must withhold the pen, for now
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Not a worry Louis.
They were just thought toward where I saw it could go if you wanted it to.
Graham
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Thanks Graham, and they were "great" suggestions too.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Yep.
I put them into a song seeing you didn'tuse them Louis.
So maybe I should thank you for making me think.
Graham
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already?, lol.. you work fast
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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The beauty of being old and retired Louis.
If it is too cold to do much outside, the day is yours.
I'an about to put the rough first take up now.
Graham
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Hi Louis
Good song and delivery on a common theme. Lots of songs done like this one but this has a nice fresh feel to it.
My only nit is rhyme scheme. I don't like to get to hung up on rhyme schemes but sometimes it really jumps out at you.
First verse was ok but you lost it in the second, but you know what, I didn't notice it at all listening to the song. Good job.
I did notice it in the bridge(third verse?).
I don't know why it was so apparent there when I did not notice it in the second verse, strange.
But my ear was begging for a rhyme at the close of the bridge. I don't know why. it just was.
Here's a suggestion. KOS.
I remember the day that car pulled in the driveway
with two men in uniforms like daddy wore.
I'm trying to do what daddy said but
I don't want to be the man around the house anymore.
and I'm still trying to be the man around the house
just like daddy's letter said I should.
Keeps the story flowing forward. Suggests passing of some time but he is still a kid. Being the man around the house is a tough go for a kid. And, provides a rhyme.
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Thanks Bill for the suggestion. The rhyme scheme is not much, but should be on the 3rd and 4th lines.
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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I had listened on Friday.... and thought this just beautiful, Louis... will listen again.... very heart touching!... best to you....... Kaley...
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"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
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