JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Nights that Meant Nothing

I am trying something new...I normally write in a storyline where I reveal all the events as they are unfolding. I tried NOT to do that with this one, but I may be way off in my attempt...so, rip this one up (I know it needs it!)

Nights that Meant Nothing
©2007 Melissa Michelle Evans

Verse
I’m sick to death of all the fighting
I know we’ve made mistakes
But there’s no sense in us lying
Cuz what we’ve done cannot be erased

Chorus
We can make excuses all we want to
But there are some things you can’t undo
The pages have been turned
Leaving us both feeling burned
Now what could have been something
Was lost to nights that meant nothing

Verse
Maybe this was a long time comin’
We should just blame ourselves
It’s no wonder we both went runnin’
Into the arms of someone else

Chorus
We can make excuses all we want to
But there are some things you can’t undo
The pages have been turned
Leaving us both feeling burned
Now what could have been something
Was lost to nights that meant nothing

Bridge
Let’s do each other a favor
It’s too late to make things right
Forget the time we had together
And move on with our lives

Chorus
We can make excuses all we want to
But there are some things you can’t undo
The pages have been turned
Leaving us both feeling burned
Now what could have been something
Was lost to nights that meant nothing

Melissa,

This is really good IMHO. Flows quite nicely most of the way through. Just a few little suggs. that may help that.

Chorus:Line 4 doesn't roll off the tongue as well as the rest

LEAVIN' BOTH OUR BRIDGES BURNED

Line 5

WE REALLY COULD'VE HAD SOMETHING

Line 6

LOST IN NIGHTS THAT MEANT NOTHING

Bridge:

Line 3 THE GOOD TIMES, WE CAN SAVOR

Line 4 BUT LET'S MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES

Really not too much to nit here. It reads like a country ballad about mid-tempo to me. I can hear it. With just a little work, it's a winner to me.

Sincere thoughts,

Jan

Jan,
I am glad that you liked it. You have offered some great sugs. This was just the first draft, so I will definitely consider using those when I do a rewrite.
Thanks for your time. I really appreciate it!

Melissa

I'm not normally one for this theme Melississippi....but IMO you did it well...and I like Janice's suggestions, especially that "bridges" line. Smoothes it out quite nicely

John,
Thanks. Like I said, this is not normally something I would write about at all. I usually stick to writing funny novelty type songs, but I did want to try something a little different.
Janice did make some good suggestions that I am more than likely going to use.

Melissa

Melissa,

Very good work. I can feel the pain in the writing. The frustration in having to call it "quits" comes through. Nicely done.

Dave

Thanks Dave. I appreciate your kind words!

Melissa

Hey Melissa!

You've definitely evoked emotions with this one. It's soooo sad. Good job!

Charlann

Thanks Charlann! I appreciate your time and comments!

Melissa

Hey Melissa

One of the best of your's I've seen yet. I think you need to try writing in this style more often. Fun novelty songs are great and some eventually do hit. The ones we always remember are the ones with emotions though. This one has the feel of a classic. Great job on this one!
Brotherly Hugs and Blessings
Derek

Thanks Derek. I apprecite that. It is strange that my favortie songs that are on the radio are ones that have an emotional impact, yet I never write ones like that...go figure.

Melissa

Yes, this one packs an emotional impact imo. There's one line that I wanted to read like this:

Now what could have been something
IS lost to nights that meant nothing

or:

(delete--Now) What could have been something
was lost to nights that meant nothing

Might be my cloudy brain though. So good to see you posting. You've been missed.

Vanessa

Vanessa,
I see your point on that. I will give that a second look. I am glad to be back posting...it has been way too long. By "real" life seems to be getting in the way of my "creative" life.

Thanks for your time. You know I appreciate it!

Melissa

Melissa

You've expressed some great feelings in this piece.

A little bit of polishing and it will be ready for anything.

You've already received some great suggestions so I'll just encourage you to continue good writing!

Eric

Hi Melissa,I dont think there is anything to pick apart,it flows very well through out.good luck with it.

Anne.

Melissa,

Hi! I think you wrote a very good lyric. I, too, liked Janice's suggestions. The only other line that was just a little off in timing, for the head tune I put to this, is verse 1, line 3. For me it flows better as follows:

"But there's no sense in all this lying"

But, could be just me...it often is. I like it a lot.

Al

Eric,
Thanks for the encouragement and kind words. It means a lot.

Anne,
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Much appreceiated.

Al,
I think that is a great suggestion. I will more than likely use that one. Thanks!

Melissa

Melissa,

I like this. Only suggestion would be to repeat your hook/title line again at the end of each chorus as a sort of echo. That would be enough to fix it in your listener's ear so they'd know what to call this little gem the next time they wanted to hear it.

Keep writing.

Skip

Thanks Skip. Nice suggestion...I will definitely think on that.

Melissa