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Another "on demand" lyric. Having a hard time with the meter on this one and keeping the line of the story in there. Needs a little help, I suppose.

V1
After being just me getting by
The stillness of time drug on past
Chance brought us face to face
With recognition so vast.
That destiny'd made the two of us
To be one complete together
The dreadful past has faded
Our future lies entwined forever.

Chorus-rewrite number three:
With a love that's greater than the air we breathe
It tempers like fire to steel for what's ahead
And our love will last 'til we're laid down in the dark
For we're sewn together by invisible threads.


Chorus number one:
With love that can only grow
That'll see us through good and bad
The love that tempers for what's ahead
We're sewn together by invisible threads.

V2
There's not even one little thought
We either one can have
that doesn't somehow become
Just exactly what the other had
We're like well-written books
In a favored reader's hand
Can read the other's script
With eyes closed and yet understand.

Chorus:
With love that can only grow
That'll see us through good and bad
The love that tempers for what's ahead
We're sewn together by invisible threads.

Bridge:
Like an orphan who's finally found a home
Or a cruise ship sailing safely into harbor
Been so long so all alone
It's ectasy to know your ardor.

Chorus:
With love that can only grow
That'll see us through good and bad
The love that tempers for what's ahead
We're sewn together by invisible threads.

Tag:
Every Kiss, every touch
Strengthens the golden vows we pled
We're sewn together by invisible threads.

(c) 2001 Sharon Irene Wells

[This message has been edited by Sharon I. Wells (edited 12-27-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Sharon I. Wells (edited 12-27-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Sharon I. Wells (edited 12-29-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Sharon I. Wells (edited 12-30-2001).]

Hi, Sharon!
Wow, this is really sophisicated. The style almost seems 19th century yet ultramodern at the same time. I have some thoughts but I'm going to send them to you by E so I don't look too dumb in front of a gazillion eyes.

JeanB

Jean! How in the heck could YOU look dumb in front of a gazillion eyes? Why everybody knows that SMC is the wisest and steadiest hand on deck.
Thanks for the read and I look forward to the comments. There were a couple of lines from the book I didn't get in there and I really would like to get them in there, so this definitely is in for some rewriting somehow. This was one of my "on demand" songwriting things I do when inspiration fails me. That is, after I read a book, I try to write a song that could be used in a movie if the book was ever made into a movie. It's an exercise that has warranted me a couple of decent lyrics and I felt this one might have some possibilities.
I need Johnny's eye on this. Johnny where in the heck are you these days?

Hi Sharon,

I don't know what book you're reading, and what's good about this lyric is that it doesn't even matter. This is one of those lyrics that works out of context as well as within. Very VERY good work and dare I say, this is for sure my very favoritest of yours that I've read. Hope you don't mind if I mention a couple of special lines...

There's not even one little thought
We either one can have
that doesn't somehow become
Just exactly what the other had
We're like well-written books
In a favored reader's hand
Can read the other's script
With eyes closed and yet understand.

Guess it was the whole verse, huh... It's simply beautiful and eloquent. Wonderful!! Bravo Sharon!! Bravo!!

And best of luck to you in your upcoming procedures. I'm not really abreast with all that's going on, but I did track down a post several pages in that speaks a little to what you're going through. Just let me add my prayers to the many you are already receiving. May God be with you!!

Cindy

Hello, Sharon,

This is wonderful writing! Maybe I'm not reading the right books tho...I don't quite get harbor/ardor. Never heard of that word. I guess I could look it up...

But a beautiful love song nonetheless. I wish you well with it, as well as your other projects. Rich blessings, and a speedy and total recovery.

Thanks...Clark

I told you an e-mail is better. Look at how I spelled sophisticated in my reply. LOL

Tickle

Hey Sharon,

Excellent lyric! I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the great writing!

Later,
Kevin

I'll have to agree Sharon that this is probably one of the best i've seen of yours, though i'm sure i haven't seen them all. Nice stuff! No nits!

I like what this lyric is saying, but as I think you alluded to, it ends up sounding stilted in some lines in order to meter correctly. To cite one example,

There's not even one little thought
We either one can have
that doesn't somehow become
Just exactly what the other had

is better expressed as

There isn't one thought
Either one of us can have
that doesn't become
what the other just had

The trick is to figure out how to say what you want to say without it sounding too formal. But then again, judging by the responses you've gotten already, it seems most people like that style, so perhaps you're on to something with it.

I like the title line too, but I think you should make that the theme of the lyric. Talk about how these peoples' lives are a tapestry, and how different events and shared experiences are different threads in it. Just a thought. Hope I could help you a bit. Good luck with this one!

Anthony

Sharon, I cannot comment in general on the boards right now .but I wanted you to know...... I read this...yesterday....and
said to my self..can i take time to comment on Sharon's without taking time to comment on anyone else's..right now?. ...Well. i read it again..today...and i wanted you to know...this IS NOT...following the gang <G> for the sake of following...........
but THIS IS wonderfl

sewn together by invisible threads..is an incredible hook.. I LOVE IT. sure...the writing is somewhat formal...but for the book...and writing a "TIME PIECE" from a romance......it is beautiful. I especially
liked the clarity of your thoughts. to me..when you prefaced this by saying about keeping the story line together and meter??? I thought your thoughts WERE...connected very well this time...the wriitng was CLEAR....and boy , i hope you don't change too much.

KK...really enjoyed it.

Finally got here Sharon and don't know I am much help.
Seems this has struck a chord with all but I can not get it to sing for me.
It reads nicely as prose but can't get a rhythm going to it.
I think it is the shift from book to ship and the chorus being basically sewing that throws me.
Chorus I wanted to shuffle some.
Chorus:
We're sewn together by invisible threads.
That hold us through what lies ahead.
Every stitch a stitch in time
That binds your heart to mine.

Don't know if that helps but them's me thoughts Sharon.
Regards.
Graham



------------------
http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/

Tink, Thanks for the kudos! I don't really know how this one ever fell out of that book, it wasn't all that good a book; but it sure had some great thought lines in it. Again thanks.
Clark, thank you for the time and comments. I'm not sure about this being "steady" yet. I've still got two lines I want in there to preface the book story.
Jean, thanks for the email and the suggestions. I'm considering all suggestions I get. "Cause I know the meter is off--that's the advantage of being a musician I suppose or in this case, a disadvantage.
Kevin, thank you for the read and comments.
Blake, And Such High Praise from the Hookmeister! Thanks a bunch. The song has turned out better than I thought the book would make it, but it did have some great lyrical thoughts in it.
Anthony, thanks for the read and help. I had thought to word that similar to what you have but it lost something that way for me, but with the meter thing I may have to go that way--I'll see what my tunemaster has to say about the meter being off. You have a good point about the tapestry thing but that doesn't follow the first verse or the bridge. But I kind of like that idea and that could be worked into another lyric, Jean had mentioned something about the "weaving" is more permanent that "threads", so the tapestry and the weaving could make one heck of a song. If you want to take that to work on, let me know, I think it'd be possible to address this idea from both angles without hurting the other lyric, esp. since this lyric is about being so long so alone then suddenly finding a mate that is so close to you it's like being sewn together by invisible threads. Yep, two lyrics can come out of this idea. Thanks
again.
Kaley, thanks for the time for kudos and I hope no one feels slighted. I really feel quite blessed you took the time. thank yo.
Graham, I know what you mean about the chorus being difficult to sing...But I finally did get a melody onto it...it became a trick of NOT following the normal highs and lows of the word pronounciations, mostly. I had almost forgot that trick...I'd gotten into that with a collab a few years ago on a gospel song. But I may still switch the hook line up on top as you mentioned. Thanks for the help. It is worth considering and probably following. Again thanks.
I had so much good help with this and so many good kudos, too. I had not almost posted this cause I thought it's just a "on demand" thing why bother...Now I'll see what Johnny comes up with.... Thank you, everyone

Graham, we had kind of agreed the first chorus wasn't very singable. Also there were a couple of thought lines I had from the book I just had to get into this song, so here's a rewrite on the chorus only...what do you think now?
Please??? It's posted right after the first verse only.

Sharon,

I wanted to say that I feel it is a really nice piece of writing. I`m with Graham on the changes for a better flow singing-wise...but then again, I`m no singer...so my 2 cents may not even equal a penny. Seems a tad formal for mainstream...but for your intended purpose, it is perfect. Dan.

www.angelfire.com/music3/danolyrics

[This message has been edited by Dan windowman (edited 12-29-2001).]

Didn't do it for me Sharon.
It adds another set of similes with the steel and fire thing.
First line has ten sillybillies against the original seven so I think it blows the tune some.
Subsiquent lines also don't tally close enough to keep the chorus tune.
Trying to fit too many catch lines in a song often makes it just too busy.
I really think you gotta stick woth the sewing basket approach Sharon.
Rgards.
Graham

------------------
http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/

Dan! Thanks for the time and comments. I had almost not posted this lyric for those very reason...so thus was very surprised at how well it did go over...it is certainly a lyric to stop and consider before much more time or money spent on it. I'm still awaiting my musician's call on it, though.
Graham, Darn it! LOL And here I thought I'd really done a good rewrite! LOL No, I thought you'd probably say something about being too complex or something of that sort and I think that is about what you said. Reckon this is one of those lyrics that is going to be best at its' original writing? I know there are a few occasions that too much indepth finagling can "ruin" the story line and most likely the whole lyric. Perhaps you're very right to keep it tight and simple. I'm still awaiting my musician's call on this one...I really want to know if the singer can handle the meter differences... Thanks for the comeback, I really appreciate it.

Good Evenin' Sharon,

I am guessing this would go in the accoustic/folk category....as a duct-tape kinda guy, I have to say the invisible threads work very well.

There are a few individual words you might wish to look at and line 2 or verse one...well, I understand it. But anyone who left maybe 35 more brain cells in the 60s than I did, may see it as an LSD lyric.

This is a fine work you have going.

dawg

Dawg! Thanks for the comeby and commenting. Yes, I see what you're saying about that line...but maybe if they want to think that then maybe they can think that "meeting" the right person can get them out of the LSD situation? eh?
BTW, I really would like your opinion between the two chorus, pretty please. I know Graham is right for what is in generally a commercial song...but this is headed moviewise it even seems with what music my musician is coming up with...??? Thanks

Hi Sharon, really enjoyed this a bunch. One line really threw me and I think I know what it is your trying to say, but it just comes across a bit fragmented.
"Like fire to steel tempers for what's ahead?" almost sounds like two sentences fragmented together?? Maybe I'm just slow in the romance department - iddy

Thanks Iddy Biddy Man for the comeby and comments. You're right of course, that's got to be either tossed or rewritten. I think my musician wants it reworded, but I'll wait for his call on it. Graham thought it was too much and he may really be right....he generally is...so if he is...it's going to get tossed.
As to the meaning, it was a phrase the two lovers had used because the bad times is what had brought them so close together at first, then when things got better than they couldn't seem to get their act together until another near death crisis made them realize they really were more than just poor rainy day friends. That's what I think they meant...anyway. Thanks again. I'm thinking of using this version for the new chorus if my musician agrees...maybe make more sense, eh?
Chorus:
With a love that's greater than the air we breathe
It tempers like fire to steel for what's ahead
And will last 'til we're laid down in the dark
For we're sewn together by invisible threads.

BTW, Dawg. of you come back...looks like a smooth jazz tune to me is coming up...Thanks

www.mp3.com/sharon_irene_wells

[This message has been edited by Sharon I. Wells (edited 12-30-2001).]

Writing jazz lyrics before music is difficult IMO, because jazz generally has a complex, compound time signature.

Forgive me if you know this, but time signatures are used to indicate how the musical rhythm and meter is organized.

The upper number in the time signature indicates the number of beats in a measure. The lower number indicates which note value receives one beat.

Common jazz time signatures are 5\4, 9\8, and you even get complex stuff like 11\4 etc.

Most of the stuff that gets posted here is 4\4, and sometimes people like to throw in a 3\4, which is the "waltz" .

I am saying this because it means that meter wise, in jazz you get your rhymes and emphases at "odd" places, and not "regularly" spaced at all.

Here I pick up some of that irregularity, but I do not get a sufficient flavour of jazz so I cannot comment on how you hear this and on the metering of this one.

Word wise, I like what you did, basing this on a book. One of my personal favourites, lyric and melody wise, was based on Breakfasting at Tiffany's, so I guess if you need to "present" this better, my advice is to go for the central themes and the "pithy" thoughts presented by the author.

One specific comment. I don't think drug a tense of drag.

Hope this helps!

Jazz is Jazz, it doesn't have a setup, it's just Jazz.

John, thanks for coming by. I won't argue about the "drug" but being a farmer we've always have used it when we finished dragging a piece of field...So don't know if that pertains to the implement we used or the action we took. Thanks for bringing that up..I'll try to check into that deeper.
Yes, as a classically trained musician, I have always found Jazz somewhat a confusing genre to get into because of its' unspecified timing flow. And I think what brings on the jazz is more the "feel" for the lyric than the time supposedly set up. I had not written this to any time signature in particular..it is a song on demand such as songwriters get asked to do all the time... using something that really wasn't inspirational to get a "heartfelt" or inspired lyric, but yet the lyric obviously hit a lot of chords somewhere...and there too is what jazz seems to do...it just hits people without anyone really knowing just exactly why.
Thanks for all the info. and I think that the very reason you stated about the time signature is probably the biggest reason this got turned to jazz besides the genre just sounds "right" for the lyric somehow. I'm amazed, myself...had never thought to go jazz with any of my lyrics.
I really do appreciate your time and I did ask you to come by and your were very kind and courteous to do so. Thanks a bunch!

Well I certainly admire you for going in this direction. I have certainly ad libbed vocals with jazz (had a blast several years ago while at Preservation Hall in New Orleans, sardined in the crowd for a set, ad libbing a tune played by absolutely ancient people on instruments that appeared older than they were) but I just never thought I could actually write a jazz lyric before knowing its melody.

Maybe I was just too hooked on the technical side of things. Though, as Johhny says, jazz is jazz, it does have rules, and an agreement on time signature is definitely one of them.

So to get away from the technical into "the feel", I put on Miles Davis "Kind of Blue" and sure enough, this could work.

Have fun with it!

Thanks! John, for coming back. I really appreciate the comments and information. Like I said, Jazz has been one of my uninformed musical likes and I never could get to the bottom of it.. It doesn't really make sense when you approach it with the stiff and stern rules of classical music...but it has that special "feel" and "appeal".
Johnny's the one who "felt" the melody and I was the one who claimed it as jazz... mainly for the above reasons. Johnny has an innate ability to know what music fits what lyrics somehow. To look at all those songs he did for the Sept. 11 site and not very many of them with a tiny bit of flavor alike is amazing. I don't think Johnny is one of the musicians that stops to analyze just exactly what a melody is or isn't he just knows when it "feels" right. I'm still amazed that this lyric went to jazz, but see it does so very well...I can hardly take it in. And that's my classical roots showing back up. If I can't understand the whys and wherefores, I get a little out of kelter and like this time...got a big surprise...Thanks again, John, for even listenin' to a good jazz piece and realizing that this can go that direction...that still doesn't say there might not be more rewriting to be done...

Hi Sharon....

Well....this is my New Year's Eve---trying to catch up on the board! (LOL) I could be cleaning the house....or putting away Christmas decorations....or even doing laundry! <grin> But....I owe you and everyone else a lot of replies.

This is a beautiful love song. The hook...invisible threads...is terrific. Did you get that from the book or was that your inspiration? At any rate, I really do like this. Much more poetic than I write, but glad you can do it, because I can't. The only word that kind of clunked to me was in the very first verse "drug". I haven't read the rest of your replies, so don't know if that stuck out to anyone else or not. If not....ignore me. Very nice song.

Sunny, thanks for letting thehouse work go so you could slip by and take a read. The drug things been mentioned in several context and I don't know exactly what to do with it because that's how it came out in the story or similar something "drug" on for so long. I think it's probably a verb that isn't used very much in parts of the country and thus it conotates something entirely different than what it means here. Again thanks for the comments and time. Hapyy New Year

Hi Sharon,
Thank you kindly for your response to "My Memory". I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions very much.

In reading this I've concluded that you are simply trying too hard. You have a very good thought here. But, imo the lyric sounds forced. Almost like you "had" to write it. I really think you need to step away from it for a day or two.

Here is an idea that I recently discovered works for me. I've learned to play my favorite cd while critiqueing my own writing! Believe me, it seems to work. Especially when I have a melody in my head dictating format.

I could offer more suggestions for change but, I won't. It's your lyric. And, I think it needs to remain yours.

Hope it helps!
Ron

Ron, thanks for coming by and commenting! It really is very, very funny...you think I worked too hard on this one...Naw this one wrote itself right out of the book...that's why I was so terribly surprised that anybody much less a good number of people have liked the lyric...I just wrote it for the simple exercise of keeping in practice for I didn't have a true inspiration for it(and for that reason, almost didn't even post it--something just compelled me to post it. Now I'm not sorry)...the book really wasn't that good-though had some very good "thought" processes in it. Thus the lyric is just a culmination of the scenery of the book and its atmosphere in general.
I know it isn't my normal measured to meter lyric and I figured it'd have to take a major rewrite to get it anywhere. But it's very irregularity lends itself to jazz so superbly it isn't even funny.
No Ron, I can't take credit for "hard" or "being too close" work on this one....it wrote itself as it's melody is writing itself. It's one of the songs there is no explaining to it, it just works; but not in dissecting it by any rule that you and I normally know to use...It's been a very different experience on this lyric then any I've ever had...of course, it remains to be seen where the music will take it and how far it will take it.
But thanks for thinking I'd been working too hard. You shouldn't be so concerned! LOL Happy New Year, Ron!

Hi Sharon,
Well, ok! Lol! I feel somewhat of an idiot. But, there are plenty that probably would agree anyway! Lol! But, it's earned one more bump up!

You have a safe and prosperous New Year! Or, did I say that already? Lol!

Sincerely,
Ron

No, you shouldn't feel like an I....! You were just "used" to how I normally write. So please don't feel "out of hand" here at all. If I'd been writing normally, what you said would have been appropriate and some of it applies anyway...never can be too careful with a lyric...I've been holding my breath about the meter on the lyrics to start with and how this turns out is going to be one big surprise if I don't have to rewrite more than the chorus! LOL I really thank you for your concern, and time. Come back anytime.